Nathan 2

[Catty1]

You know, I just thought....she may not even show up, or show up really late...she's done that before.

It is a really stupid way for the court to 'call her bluff', but maybe they are doing that.

All she has to do is be LATE - and that will show how much the visits mean to her.

(Get a before and after pic of her too - with and without Nathan )

[sumbirdy]

You know, I just thought....she may not even show up, or show up really late...she's done that before.

It is a really stupid way for the court to 'call her bluff', but maybe they are doing that.

All she has to do is be LATE - and that will show how much the visits mean to her.

(Get a before and after pic of her too - with and without Nathan )

I think she'll be on her best behavior though. Apparantly her lawyer found legitamate excuses for her not showing up all those times. This week she has to have him back by 4, if she doesn't show by 4:01 we're calling the cops (suggested by the lawyer) Next week she takes him breathing stuff-and get this-he has to have it at 4, she has to bring him back at 5, she lives almost an hour away from us, it takes 20-25 minutes to fully give him his medicine. If she comes back on time she either a) didn't give him his medicine (or didn't give him all of it) or b) she didn't drive the speed limit to our house. And if she's late bringing him back, same thing, call the cops. It's something she should have considered if she was such a good mom.

[jennielynn1970]

This sounds horrible, adn I'm not sure it's even allowed, but is there any way to put some kind of nanny cam (tiny) on him? Or some kind of GPS locater thing, so that if something were to go awry, there would be a way to track him. I just don't like the gut feeling about this woman... If there is anything legal like that that you can hide easily, but to keep him safe, I'd see what is out there.

[sumbirdy]

This sounds horrible, adn I'm not sure it's even allowed, but is there any way to put some kind of nanny cam (tiny) on him? Or some kind of GPS locater thing, so that if something were to go awry, there would be a way to track him. I just don't like the gut feeling about this woman... If there is anything legal like that that you can hide easily, but to keep him safe, I'd see what is out there.

Well, that's something to think about. But the thing about her is, she has this thing about wanting to dress him and change his diaper and stuff, so she'd probably find it. Anyway, there'd be no time to do it before noon tomorrow. Just please, everyone keep him in your thoughts and prayers between 12 and 4 tomorrow, because for that whole time he's going to be in unsafe hands.

[Karen]

He'll be in our prayers. I guess sticking a radio tag in his sneakers wouldn't be doable, huh?

Mostly, he will be in my prayers that, come what may, he gets his breathing meds on time.

[sumbirdy]

Well things went okay today (thank God) She showed up late, she was supposed to be here at 12 and she showed up at 1:30 so she skipped his breathing meds instruction that we were supposed to give her. She did bring him back by 4 though which was a relief. Since she didn't get instructed on how to give him his meds she will be showing up at 12 and bringing him back (hopefully) at 4. We are still looking into a tracking device though. Just because she brought him back this time doesn't mean we can trust her to do it again. I think she'll be on her best behavior until the court date though.

[Catty1]

*whew* Good news.

So - do these visits go on for a little while until the actual court divorce proceeding?

I think you said you have to keep track on whether she is late or on time?

HUGS and I hope he continues to be safe. If ANYTHING happened to him - even not her fault - she'd be blamed and questioned, the first suspect. I hope her lawyer gave her a good talk.

Prayers that Nathan continues to be safe. Was he ok when she came to get him?

{{{{hugs}}}}

[sumbirdy]

*whew* Good news.

So - do these visits go on for a little while until the actual court divorce proceeding?

I think you said you have to keep track on whether she is late or on time?

HUGS and I hope he continues to be safe. If ANYTHING happened to him - even not her fault - she'd be blamed and questioned, the first suspect. I hope her lawyer gave her a good talk.

Prayers that Nathan continues to be safe. Was he ok when she came to get him?

{{{{hugs}}}}

Yes, they are every Saturday. Unfortunately. And yes she's supposed to be on time, especially to this one, which is when she was supposed to get instructed on his breathing meds, but she missed it. Her lawyer told her last Monday that she had to come to this one, no more excuses and asked her then if she had a ride and she said yes (she doesn't have a car anymore, it got totaled) But then when she was late she told us she had trouble finding a ride.

I was holding Nathan when she came and she held her arms out for him but he wouldn't go to her, he just turned his head away. I knew we had to give him to her but I just couldn't hand him over. So I set him on the ground and he ran away from her. I didn't see him in the car seat she put him in but dad did, and he said he didn't look happy. He was asleep when he came back though, but he seemed relieved to wake up and find us there and not her.

[sumbirdy]

Nathan is 22 months!

[sumbirdy]

Well, it's 3:15 and she never showed up. It would be a little late to show up now. She wouldn't have time to take him anywhere before she had to be back at 4. According to my parents and Charles at the pre-trial, her lawyer stressed to her that she NEEDS to come to these and that the Judge wasn't going to accept any more excuses. But I'm not holding on to that though. It seems like through this whole thing, since last July, Stephanie's been able to get away with everything. But I really hope this counts against her.

[Catty1]

Well, this shows how important her son is to her. Even if there IS a legitimate reason to not show, you call your lawyer/the family to let them know.

She won't get Nathan - she can't even find the time for a 3 - 4 hour visit?

Of course, her being a no-show is good in a way.

Take care!

[sumbirdy]

Things again seem to be working in her favor. They again got worse. Charles' last court date was yesterday. Stephanie gets Nathan for 6 hours every Thursday and in four months she gets to pick him up at 9 a.m. and keep him until 8 p.m. and then four months after that she gets all day Thursday, overnight, and all day Friday. And then four months after that she picks him up Thursday morning and brings him back Saturday morning, 2 nights. The judge is on her side. He was wanting to give her every other week. I bet if it was the dad who had done all the stuff she had done, then he would be limited to supervized, if that! The only good this is Charles can appeal it in four months. Not that it would do any good though, she'd probably end up getting more.

And this all starts tomorrow, on my birthday. Happy birthday to me.

[Catty1]

First, a couple of links: http://fatherhood.about.com/od/oklah...ahoma_Dads.htm

http://tulsafathers.org/ This looks like a "parked" site, but there is info on this site.

I think Charles had better get another lawyer - perhaps one that is into Father's Rights. This has info for Oklahoma.

http://www.fathersrightsnow.com/about/

From the site:
* As a father, you have the right to be influential in the life of your child.
* As a father, you have the right to interact, be involved, and spend wonderful time with your child or children.
* As a father, you have the right to love, nurture, and protect your child free from harassment from the mother. And, don’t forget that!
* As a father, you are entitled to decide where your children will live. Don’t think that this isn’t your right! It is. When DM (daughter’s mother) told me she was moving across country with our daughter, I promptly said, “Hell no!,” called my lawyer, and put an end to that nonsense.
* As a father, it is your implicit right to participate in the parenting of your child or children.
* Fathers have the right to see both school and medical records of their child or children. And, don’t forget that. When DM wouldn’t communicate with me about our daughter’s health, I contacted my daughter’s doctor. When the doctor wouldn’t communicate with me, I contacted my attorney. Then doctor communicated. You’ll notice a frequent pattern from me when resistance is encountered in the exercise of my parental rights: I call my attorney. And, fortunately, she’s a great attorney. And, you, please, get yourself a good father’s rights/custody attorney.
* It’s a father’s right to take part in his child’s extracurricular activities.
* It’s your right as a father to have custody, control, care and influence over your child or children. Even if the mother has residential custody, do not let that take away your fundamental right.
* It is your right as a father to participate in the selection of your child’s school.
* It is a father’s right to determine his child’s doctor, dentist, and medical treatment.
* It is absolutely, definitely your right as a dad to adhere to your beliefs and style of parenting during your visitation time. The mother has no right to interfere with this.
* It is a father’s right to provide discipline and guidance to his child or children. I’ll take this a step further and say that it’s more than a right, it’s your responsibility.
* And, finally, it’s Dad’s right to decide what is best for his child or children. And, don’t you ever forget that!

So, that list is a good starting reference for understanding the basics of father’s rights. Now, it’s important to understand that with father’s rights come father’s responsibilities.

http://www.fathersrightsnow.com/cust...ody-state-law/

Oklahoma Child Custody State Law

Oklahoma Statutes Annotated, Title 43, Section 109 (43 O.SA Sec. 109).

The court shall consider the best interests of the physical and mental and moral welfare of the child. Children of sufficient age are permitted to express a parent preference. There is no preference for or against joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or sole custody, however the court will encourage shared parenting when in the best interest of a child. Custody is awarded based on a preference first for parents, then grandparents, then to third parties according to the best interests of the child. In cases of domestic abuse, it is presumed that it is not in the best interests of the child to have custody, guardianship or unsupervised visitation granted to the abusive person.

Parents may request or agree to joint custody, and the court shall order that if it is in the best interests of the child. The parents may submit a plan jointly, or either parent or both parents may submit separate plans. Any parenting plan shall include provisions detailing the physical living arrangements for the child, child support obligations, medical and dental care for the child, school placement, and visitation rights. In sole custody cases, any order providing for the visitation of a noncustodial parent must provide a specified minimum amount of visitation between the noncustodial parent and the child unless the court determines otherwise. Except for good cause shown and when in the best interests of the child, the order shall encourage additional visitations of the noncustodial parent and the child and in addition encourage liberal telephone communications between the noncustodial parent and the child.

[sumbirdy]

I haven't been on here in a while, so I'll catch everyone up.

Charles has allowed her to have her visiting hours but he has not allowed her to take him with her. The reason for this being that the first time she came out after the divorce was final she basically molested him. Nathan is uncircumsized so she thought she'd take it upon herself to pull the skin back. She pulled it so far back that it got stuck and started to bleed. Instead of being worried about that she continued to make perverted comments about his private parts. Mom got it unstuck and we took him to the doctor (without Stephanie) and he said that she very well could have scarred it and caused problems. She's getting angry at Charles for not letting her take him and tried to deny pulling Nathans skin back! But Charles was informed at the court that if he felt that Nathan would be in danger with her that he didn't have to let him go. He's only protecting his son. And we're still letting her see him.

In other news, we're now trying to potty train Nathan. He got some "big boy" underwear and his own potty.
He loves, loves, loves dogs, but unfortunately thinks all dogs will be as nice to him as ours are. Charles got him his very own puppies, Wally a Yorkie/shi-tzu and Samson a German Shepard/Great Pyranees. Of course no one's expecting Nathan to take care of them but he does like to help out by putting food and water in their bowls. And of course he likes to roll around on the ground with them. I'll have to post some pictures up soon.

[sumbirdy]

For Stephanie's extra day, yesterday we had a birthday party for Nathan at a local park. Me, mom and dad and Charles had each brought him one present for that day, but Stephanie didn't bring him a thing! All she did was buy the cake. She didn't even get him a present. Some of my friends over the internet, who haven't even met Nathan, are sending him presents for his birthday, but his own mother didn't even show enough interest.
She showed mom pics of Nathan from his first birthday, and mom said it was the saddest thing she had ever seen. Nathan looked so unhappy. His eyes looked so hollow. I remember the look in his eyes when we got him back last year. I remember it so vividly. In them was the look of someone who had seen to much pain, been through too much, it was not the look you expect a one year old to have. He lost his spirit during those three weeks and I thank God we got him back, that he is now the happy, spirited boy that he used to be. Everytime she's around though, he's not really himself, he retracts a little bit into his shell again.

Anyway, we're going to have his 'real' party tomorrow, on his actual birthday. We have our own cake, and we saved the presents we thought he'd like the most, plus since Charles gets his paycheck tomorrow, we're going to take him to pick out something else.

And I will post pics. Promise.