Tomorrow morning is THE court date for my daughter.

[cassiesmom]

That is another whole story. At the last minute, I decided to show up for the temporary custody hearing for Denise (Chad's mom) to get custody of Jenna. All I knew was that it was at 1:00 p.m. I went to the clerk's office and asked which courtroom. They told me the floor and room number and that was all. When I got there, court was already in session, so I tried to quietly slip in on one of the back rows. Well, to my surprise, the judge told me that I was not allowed in there and to leave the courtroom. I got up and headed for the door ... the only thing I said as I went through the doorway was "she's my grandbaby!" The female judge sent her guard out after me. He stops me and says, "the judge wants to speak to you" and I replied "I'm sure she does". I went back in and she told me that I was not allowed in a private hearing and she wanted "respect". I threw my hands up and said "I didn't know!" She said she understood and to be respectful and leave the courtroom. I have been humiliated and shamed by my daughter for the LAST time!!!!!

How unprofessional of the judge to have a hissy-fit on the bench. And, Kim, I would see it differently if you were some nosy neighbor or someone else who did not have Jenna's best interests at heart; but you are her grandmother and as such, do you not have a right to be present during court proceedings involving her? I'm not an attorney, but I am having trouble understanding why you would not be permitted in the courtroom. I hope that you, Chad and his mother will remain on positive terms so you'll continue to have contact with Jenna. I will keep praying.

[Karen]

Kim, you will continue to be in our prayers. I am glad that Chad's mother and you get along, even if her son is an idjit. When will you find out about custody hearing results?

[cyber-sibes]

I'm sorry the judge treated you that way. Totally uncalled for.

I agree, very unprofessional.

You will ALWAYS be Jenna's dear grandmother, no one can take that away from you. Don't lose hope, you never know what tomorrow might bring. Things will settle down after a little time, things don't always turn out as bleak as the seem. ((((hugs))))
Praying for you.

[My Peanuts]

I'm sorry the judge treated you that way, but don't feel bad. I've never encounted a judge that didn't act that way. More prayers are on the way. I hope things get back to normal soon.

[ramanth]

*hugs*

[elizabethann]

I'm sorry the judge treated you that way, but don't feel bad. I've never encounted a judge that didn't act that way. More prayers are on the way. I hope things get back to normal soon.

Yea...Judges have really big ego's when you are in "their" courtroom. I'm surprised their fat heads fit in the doorway.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you've done all that you can and it's time for your daughter to act like an adult. You can't keep running to her side everytime she messes up. I know as a Mom you want to -she's your baby and you don't want any harm to come to her. But there comes a time when you have to say "enough".

I'm sorry if I sound mean. But it just sounds like your daughter is using you and I can hear & feel your pain in your posts. I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better. No parent should have to go through what you are going through.

You sound like a very strong woman and a wonderful, caring Mom. I don't think I would have your patience & understanding in this situation.

I am sending you a virtual hug. Take care & good luck.

[Alysser]

I really don't know about the events you speak of, but I think I understand enough. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and don't think you need to stop bothering us, when you aren't even bothering us. We want to hear from you, you are such a kind-hearted person and you don't deserve what's happening in your life. (((hugs))) I hope everything works out for the best.

[Pam]

Kim I am sorry I am so late in responding to this thread. I saw it last night before I turned off my computer but didn't even know what to say. I think you were probably wise to not show up in court. I don't know if I could have done that because of my "need to know." At some point Amy Beth must realize that she and she alone is responsible for what she does and you will not always be there to bail her out. That said, I know that your heart aches for Jenna and you certainly want to do your darndest to see that she gets the love and nurturing that she deserves and that this mess causes as little impact on her as is possible.

I am so glad that you and Chad's mom have a good relationship. That is definitely a good thing and something to build on, especially since she does not seem like the type of person that would be threatened by, or jealous of, your presence in Jenna's life. I think you are both on the same page with regard to Jenna. You both want what is best for her and hopefully can work together toward that.

As for Amy Beth, I think right now what is needed is what they call *tough love.* I have always wondered how a parent could practice such a thing, but I can see where it is necessary in some cases. I truly do believe that in time Amy Beth will have a moment of clarity when she realizes what she has put everyone through and sees Chad for what he is. That may very well be the time that you two will forge a wonderful new relationship. Sometimes out of the darkest valleys come our mountaintop experiences. Kim, please don't feel that you are ever burdening us. We love you and we want to help. I don't believe anyone here is a licensed therapist but we are all offering advice and counsel as best we know how. (((hugs)))

[kimlovescats]

Amy Beth showed up at my door this afternoon. I sat and listened to all of the details of the day. Her charges for filing the false report were dropped, and her child neglect was re-worded as simple child neglect and she was given 11 months 29 days probation and ordered to take parenting classes.

As for the child custody case on Jenna, Denise was given temporary custody but only until the next appointed court appearance sometime in May. ( I don't remember the date.) During the time until that date, Chad and Amy Beth can neither one take Jenna anywhere and can only have supervised visitation with her. They each are also going to have to pay child support to Denise and take parenting classes for I think 8 weeks and also family and individual counselling. IF they accomplish those tasks by the next court date, then they will most likely get Jenna back. Right now, I find it very hard to believe that they can accomplish all of those things in that amount of time. I am trying to put it out of mind, but I already find myself thinking of advice to give her on what to do first and how and ... and ... and..... !!! It is just so hard to stop THINKING for your child when you have done it for 22 years. I wish so badly that hubby and I could just pack up and move away.

Oh, for those who have (like me) thought that Denise was being so nice to me, well I also found out today that she told Chad that she was only trying to get Jenna, to keep Amy Beth or ME from getting her. WHy? Because we are both crazy! Right now at this very moment, I'm not sure if I will even try to see Jenna for a while. I don't know how much more I can take, how much more personal attack I can withstand. My ex-husband ruined what little self-esteem I had when he drug me through court over our two daughters. He tormented and berated me for years and still hasn't stopped. I cannot throw myself into the fire for persecution any more. I had some very self-destructive thoughts on the way home from that courtroom today. Thank God for my loving husband and my daughter Amanda, who are the two people on this Earth who still make my life feel worth living.

[Catty1]

What a beating you have taken!

If you want custody of Jenna, what sort of case would you have to present? Denise's saying you and Amy Beth are "crazy" is slanderous.

I am glad that Amy Beth and Chad are being forced into counselling. And good for you for staying away from advice giving, though you must have bitten your tongue for a good long while.

I don't imagine those courses will be any picnic. And if her probation is efficient, AB will be accountable for what she says and does.

HUGS, Kim. I hope you can relax for a few days, and let the worst of it wash away.

More prayers going to you...

[momcat]

Kim, first of all and above everything else don't you ever hesitate to come to us! Yours is a very painful situation, keeping all this in will do you nothing positive and will end up making you hurt even more. You have to let it out!!!

As for the custody hearing and the judge; I'm a child support specialist with the State of New Jersey and am very familiar with procedures in Family Court. I was the Family Court liaison for three years when I was with the child support unit in the county welfare agency and worked on many court cases. The Family Court hearings are closed to the public due to the nature of the types of cases and situations that are handled there. According to Court Rules, and in some states the statutes (I'm not sure which it is in your state) for Family Court matters only the parties to the action are permitted to be present during the hearing. A party to the action, is the individual who files the initial motion and the person or persons the motion is filed against. Now, if Amy and/or Chad weren't named on Denise's complaint they most likely wouldn't have been allowed to be there even though they are Jenna's biological parents. Again, I'm not completely sure how that works in your state. Even though you're Jenna's grandma you were not legally a party to this action and the judge was well within the law by asking you to leave the hearing room. Had the judge not done this, the case could be compromised and could lead to more legal problems down the road. A possible example would be if at some point in time you decide to file a motion for Grandparent's Visitation. Granted, this judge could have dealt with this much differently but perhaps it was mistaken for an attempt to disrupt the court which does happen frequently. Judges tend to take a very dim view of that. I'm not defending the judge because I think she did it all wrong, just offering a not uncommon reason for what she said. A better approach would have been to take a few moments to explain why you couldn't stay. In all cases the primary focus of the Family Court is what is in the child's best interest. Not always easy to determine and at times the court's decision is difficult to understand.

My only intent here is to try to help you understand what happened at the custody hearing and why based on my own professional experience with the Family Court system. If I have upset you in any way, I sincerely apologize. Don't hesitate to pm me if you have any other questions. And give Jenna a huge hug from me.

[kimlovescats]

Momcat, I appreciate your explanation. I do understand that there have to be rules, but I was so used to all the other court sessions that Amy Beth has been a part of where anyone just walks in and out and there is standing room only. I just felt very embarrassed and humiliated and scolded like a child, when I was already feeling particularly insecure as it was. Oh, it hasn't helped that I have also been MAJORLY PMSing these past few days.

I can't tell you all how very much your posts, prayers, PMs and a recent phone call have meant to me! I don't have any local friends here to talk with... my hubby is my sounding board in all things. Bless his heart!!! Today was very bleak for a long time, but somehow the visit from Amy Beth brought me back up a notch. It's weird I guess, but making me so disgusted helps to replace sorrow with disgust, which is easier to deal with. No doubt, the sorrow always creeps back through, but I try to remind myself how fed up I really am, and how I have the right to be.

THANK YOU ALL!

Love,
Kim

[Karen]

Sending you more big hugs.

For some reason, I just thought of something my friend Margaret once said to me. Her older son, Chris was 27, engaged to be married, employed and living in San Francisco, and she's here in Massachusetts. Chris called to talk, and mentioned he was sick, and Margaret worried, despite herself. She said to me "I know he's a perfectly capable individual, and is just fine, and will be just fine, but I still worry, because I am hi mother. And I know it's ridiculous, but I worry anyway."
"When we were first married, and talked about having children, I was all for it, you know, raising a baby, getting it through the school years, off to college, etc. But I think, in the back of my mind, I figured each kid was about an 18-year commitment. But this week has really brought home to me - I'm gonna be a mother for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter how old they get, or how tall (Margaret is almost 5' 1", so both her sons passed her height-wsie by the time they were in 9th grade)), or how far away they move, I am STILL their mother. I don't know if I would have signed on for the job had I realized that!"

You will always be her mother, and you will always love her and worry about her, even if you don't particularly like her sometimes, but realize that just comes with the territory, sweetie.

[moosmom]

Kim,

I've been sitting here for like 10 minutes trying to find the rights words to say. I'm speechless.

You have been through much these past months. You are such a strong person. Someone I admire and highly respect. I only wish I could help take away some of the hurt and anger. You certainly deserve so much better.

Don't ever feel like you are burdening us, because you're not. We are all here for you, anytime. Got that??

Love and Hugs,

Donna

[kimlovescats]

Thank you, Karen. That is my hope for Amy Beth, that she too will realize the love that she has deep inside of her for her precious baby girl. That in a few years from now, these times will be a vague memory replaced with years of loving, caring, and nurturing her precious Jenna. That one day she will wonder how she will ever go a day without putting her child first in her heart and mind.