After Wedding Attire - looking for opinions

[Edwina's Secretary]

Don did not take my last name when we married so perhaps I am not allowed an opinion but.....

Mrs. Kim Miller indicates you are divorced from Mr. Miller.

You are all free to argue with this rule. I didn't make it up.

The only time I will acknowledge my husband's last name in relation to me is as Mrs. Donald Scare in some sort of formal invitation way. I am never, ever Sara Scare. (Okay....my mother-in-law send me cards with that name but for her I make an exception.... )

So, if I were you, Kim, and making this choice...I would go with either Mrs. Andrew Miller or Kimberly Miller (omitting the title...)

[Karen]

I think it's a generational thing. People told me, when I got married, that having my name as Mrs. Karen Watts would make people think I was divorced. I always sign as Karen Watts, but if I have to, I'll put Mrs. Karen Watts. Still married to him, but no one ever calls me Mrs. Paul Watts. And I still think of Mrs. Watts as my mom-in-law, I'm used to people saying Miz Watts, which is fine.

[Cinder & Smoke]

People told me, when I got married, that
having my name as Mrs. Karen Watts would make people think I was divorced.

Hmmmm ... Never knew that!

LOTTA folks I know - who certainly are NOT divorced - use the
"Mrs. [Woman's First Name] [Husband's Last Name]"
and think nothing is odd.

I've never heard that this form of address indicated the woman was divorced.
Dumm me!

[Edwina's Secretary]

Hmmmm ... Never knew that!

LOTTA folks I know - who certainly are NOT divorced - use the
"Mrs. [Woman's First Name] [Husband's Last Name]"
and think nothing is odd.

I've never heard that this form of address indicated the woman was divorced.
Dumm me!

It has a certain logic to it....if a woman -- Jane Doe -- has changed her name when she marries....she has become Mrs. John Moe or Jane Moe. The children are Tim and Sue Moe. Now if Jane and John divorce....she is no longer Mrs. John Moe....which if he remarries could be someone else.

However....to avoid the inconvenience and expense of a name change and to have the same last name as her children (and to indicate she was married to the father of her children) she is Mrs. Jane Moe. Also this avoids confusion with the new Mrs. John Moe.

It really makes it easier for others to understand relationships quicky when a convention is followed.

[RedHedd]

You would use the Mrs. Kimberly Miller only after your husband died. When he's living you belong to him and use his name.

[Cataholic]

WOW, how very tiring. I only copied some of the 'junk'...but, for those that wonder, here it is!

Full link, here: http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/e...of_address.htm



Situation Options/Notes
Addressing a Woman

Maiden name Ms. Jane Johnson
Miss Jane Johnson*
*usually 'Miss' is for girls under 18

Married, keeping maiden name Ms. Jane Johnson

Married, uses husband's name socially Mrs. John Kelly
Mrs. Jane Kelly*
*Nowadays this is acceptable
Ms. Jane Kelly

Separated, not divorced Mrs. John Kelly
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly

Divorced Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Johnson (maiden name)

Widowed Mrs. John Kelly*
*If you don't know the widow's preference, this is the traditional and preferred form
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly


Addressing a Couple
Married, she uses her husband's name socially Mr. and Mrs. John Kelly
NOTE: Traditionally, a man's name preceded a woman's on an envelope adddress, and his first and surname were not separated (Jane and John Kelly). Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple 'outranks' the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first. (see below)

Married, she prefers Ms. Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
*Do not link Ms. to the husband's name:
Mr. and Ms.John Kelly is incorrect

Married, informal address Jane and John Kelly
John and Jane Kelly

Married, she uses maiden name Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Johnson
Ms. Jane Johnson and Mr. John Kelly

[Cinder & Smoke]

*edit*
Okay...show of hands...
how many people thought I was talking about Wedding night attire?

Dummie

>>Wedding EVENING attire<<

I figured you were looking for something "casual" to wear to the Reception!

Oooooooooh ...
You meant WAAAAAY "after" the wedding.

[popcornbird]

Jeez......this is confusing! SO confusing!!! I never knew there were so many 'rules' on this.

Personally, I know that I would 'dislike' it if someone referred to me by my husband's name. I did not change my last name...still have my maiden name and will keep it, and now I wonder what I would be addressed by. If someone addresses the two of us together, I'm fine with, "Mr. and Mrs. (husband's last name)", BUT, to call myself "Mrs. (my name) (husband's last name)" isn't right to me, because I still have my maiden name and I'm going to keep it. To call myself "Mrs. (husband's first name) (husband's last name).......wellllllllllllllllll, though I love him tremendously, I'm still ME, not HIM. We're still two seperate individuals. That is just how I feel about it. AND...I wouldn't want to be associated with a guy's first name. he he he...I might think people will wonder, "Why does this GIRL have a GUY'S name?" Being married, to me, doesn't change who I am, what family I'm from, and who my father is, so as I consider (me) still (ME!), I wanted to keep (my) name as (MY) name...without any changes. I know it is tradition to change to the husband's last name, but there are also many, many girls who don't want to change their names. After reading this thread, I am now confused. I'm not changing my last name to that of my husband, so when we are addressed to, what is the appropriate thing for people to call us?

Okay...this is going off-topic, but if you are changing your last name, I would write "Kimberly Miller" on the shirt, without the Mrs., or something cute, along with the name...to show that you and Andy are now a 'couple'.

[ramanth]

The Mrs. is standard. It's there already so it can't be omitted. The printer just tells the computer what name I want and wedding date I want.

I'd hate to thumb my nose at etiquette, but I kinda like having it be my name.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Well PCB....do be prepared for confusion. We went to a dinner party recently at the home of someone who knows me. I introduced my husband with his first and last name, but of course she only heard his first name. She then introduced him with his first name and my last name.

I was thrown off and did not immediately correct her. Rather embarrassing but....as my husband says....I bring it on myself! Later I said something to the whole table....but it was awkward.

Must think how to handle in the future (although somehow I manage when the situation is reversed.)

[caseysmom]

I have been married close to 25 years and don't remember anyone ever addressing me as mrs. hisfirstname hislastname....ever.

[Barbara]

I never had an idea about this cultural difference. Here even if you take the husband's name you are still Mrs. Kimberly Miller, the version Mrs. Andrew Miller just doesn't exist.

[slick]

Sara:
I would avoid the whole confusion thing by saying "Hi I'm Sara and this is my husband Don" and leave it at that. Leave last names out of it. If I'm in a situation where I'm introducing someone, that's what I do. First names only. I never knew Don's last name until now. Now I know why you kept your last name...**snicker** Sorry, no insult intended, my natal sister. I see that you just want to brag that your name is a four-letter word.

Kim: I've never been married, nor do I have any knowledge on this type of protocol. I was going to vote for just "Kimberly Miller" but you say the "Mrs." has to stay there. That being said, my choice would be "Mrs. Kimberly Miller" no matter what the rules say about that.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Sara:
I would avoid the whole confusion thing by saying "Hi I'm Sara and this is my husband Don" and leave it at that. Leave last names out of it. If I'm in a situation where I'm introducing someone, that's what I do. First names only.

Oh...the delicate egos of men. When I do that he gets called by my last name and we can't have THAT!

[popcornbird]

Sara, that is SO funny!!! Its pretty common hearing people 'unconciously' referring to the wife as 'Mrs. (husband's last name)', even if she hasn't changed to his name, but to have it reversed is kinda funny. I imagine a husband would feel embarrassed by that. Really, it is funny somehow. 'chuckles'

I wonder if this will happen to me. It will be even more confusing when I have children, as they will take their father's last name, but I've always wanted to keep my maiden name, so I'll just learn to handle the confusion.