Weighty topic

[catnapper]

I have struggled with my weight for years - up and down like an elevator since I was 19. My thinnest days saw me in a size 10. I mostly live in a world between a 16 and 22. I currently am working really hard to get back to the 16. I'll honestly be happy if I could just stay there.

Anyway, hubby is over 430 pounds. He is in complete and total denial about what he eats, how much, and when. I can not talk to him about what he eats. It starts major fights. We've talked to he counselor about it and the therapist tells him I'm only concerned about him and mention food so that I can have him around for a long time. He knows I am not judging him.... but emotionally he goes to a place where reason no longer reigns.

This morning I made a completely innocent comment about how I'm working hard on losing weight and how I am proud of myself. He said, "and you think I'm not trying?!" Where exctly did I mention him? He flew into a major hissy fit, complete with pouting.

Why is talking about weight so hard? I myself shut down when people lecture me on what to eat. I especially HATE it if I'm enjoying something and a well meaning person tell me all the evils of the food I decided to eat.

What is your hot botton on weight? Is there a way someone can bring it up without hurting/insulting you? I honestly don't know if there is away someone could bring up my weight without me being over emotional. I know what to do. I've lost the weight many times over. Lost 50-70 pounds at a time. But it always creeps back up. and I do it again. But I do it for myself based on my inner need.... not because anyone else spoke to me.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I think weight is just one of those topics that it's really hard not to offend people when you talk about it... Weight loss is also very hard, and I commend you on your goal to keep trying and keep losing the weight.

It bothers me when people try to tell me "you need to lose weight, you shouldn't be eating that, etc." just because, I'm not going to lose the weight for them, I'd do it for myself. It's a decision you have to make yourself, not one that someone else needs to make for you.

And a lot of people have no idea how hard it is to struggle with weight, and they can't possibly understand, so they think it's okay to bring other people down and tell them they need to lose weight.

Anyway, good luck with your goal weight, and I hope your husband is able to lose some too. He shouldn't be so defensive, maybe you all could work together and lose the weight.

[pomtzu]

I'm not one to have a problem with being overweight, since I am on the opposite end of the scale. I am also not one to lecture anyone about being overweight, but your husband is living very dangerously by carrying that much weight around. A story if I may...........

My son is 42 and was quite overweight. He was always a big eater and a lover of junk food. That, coupled with the hours he works and he most always ate a big dinner quite late, and then got no exercise before going to bed, the pounds piled up. He knew he had to lose because his back and knees were bothering him, he was always tired and wasn't sleeping well, and the pounds wouldn't come off no matter how he adjusted his eating habits. He also suffered from very severe sleep apnea, and was NOT breathing almost as much as he was breathing. Really pretty scary results came back from the sleep study. He wants to be a grandfather some day, so he knew he had to do something, or he'd never live that long.

A year ago he looked into the lap band procedure, and after many months of tests and seminars and psychological and nutritional counseling that is all required before the surgery, he had it done last September. The doctor's goal for his patients is to lose one pound per week in the first year. My son started out at 278 lbs and he's about 5'9". In the first 14 weeks, he lost 51 pounds, and as of a week ago, it was up to 63 pounds that he has shed. He goes back today for another weigh-in/checkup. His knees and back no longer bother him, and he no longer uses the CPAP - and he looks fantastic!!!! He wants to get to about 200 lbs, since he is big boned anyway, and he wouldn't look good weighing much less than that.

So his has been a success story, tho not everyone has such good results. You have to want to lose to make it work - it's no magic pill.

If you have medical insurance and it covers this procedure, you might want to consider it - especially for hubby. Most insurance companies do pay for this procedure now. In the long run, it's saving them money, since a lot of very serious medical issues can be avoided when a person is at a healthy weight.

Good luck

[caseysmom]

I agree about the lapband but also it may be better if your the one doing the cooking to just start gradually cooking healthier meals or suggesting healthier options and inviting hubby for a walk etc. That much weight is pretty dangerous and you do want to keep him around.

[cassiesmom]

My brother did great on Weight Watchers and has kept most of the weight off for over a year. He said he gained about 8 or 10 pounds. I think he lost around 60 or 70 originally though.

I was on Weight Watchers once and did fine while I really stuck to it. Then I quit going and gained all the weight back and more. I am going to try it again because it's either that or a Lap Band. I know 3 people who have had obesity surgery. One is doing well, one has a chronic anemia and the other has malabsorption syndrome (she had a surgical gastric bypass, though- not a Lap Band). I need to lose 100-130 pounds so cross your fingers for me. I love chocolate, bakery, cookies, bread, pasta, and all the stuff I should not be eating.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

It always bothers me to hear people say "You've lost weight! You look great!"... Um, thanks, I guess I didn't look great before just because my weight was up.

[Karen]

Can you just ask him to take walks with you to keep you company, exercise with you and things like that to get him moving more? That might help him, and motivate him more than talking ... Explain that it would be a big help to YOU if he'd walk with you ... so he feels like it's not about him ...

[Cataholic]

Struggling with weight issues stinks. It seems the issues are rarely about the food itself. It is about why we eat, or overeat. Its not about wanting to be healthier, or knowing what is wrong with a bag of BBQ chips (guilty as charged here), it is about not addressing the underlying reasons we eat. For comfort, for stress, for whatever it might be for the person.

Catnapper, you and I both know your husband deciding to get up and go for a walk with you is not going to do much for his weight. 430 is beyond dangerous. Heck, there is a TV show about a 600 pound person (I forget the name). He is a health risk just waiting to explode. Why aren't the doctors addressing this? Why hasn't surgery been suggested? He could walk every day for the next year and it would probably do him more harm than good, all that stress on the joints, and asking the heart to maintain the blood flow.

On one hand, losing weight is as simple an equation as anything else. What goes in has to be less than what your body puts out, to the tune of 3500 calories for each pound you seek to lose. Really, eating 1000 calories of chips or 1000 calories of nutritional food doesn't make much of a difference when you are talking straight calories. One CAN become overweight on healthy food...figuring out WHY one is eating him/herself into an early grave is much more complex.