My sad kitten

[Trevor]

I have raised cats my whole life and they have always been happy. A year ago I got my current kitty. His name is Mr. Skibby and his brother Inkling lives with us. Skibby wears a harness and goes for walks maybe 3 times a week. I won't let him out by himself because I don't want him to get sick or hurt. There are a lot of street cats in my neighborhood and some of them are mean. There is also a fox or two which feed on feral kittens. My roommate lets my kitty's brother out and I thought that might be causing my cat's depression, but now my cat wants to come back inside when we go for walks. He seems scared. My wife is home all day with our cat and he is her first kitty. She seems to really want him to love her, and she holds him all the time. I don't think he likes the forced love. Sometimes he is afraid of her. He has one place to hide, which is under our roommate's bed. It's an old waterbed that has a small corridor in the middle. I found out that she had been blocking it so he can't go there. I keep telling her not to smother him and she becomes really defensive. He has grown to be not so cuddly but sometimes he seems to be okay with her holding him. He seems so sad all the time though. He just sleeps on the kitchen floor. He is such an awesome cat and he is really handsome, so I understand why my wife smothers him. I just hate to see him so sad, I love him so much. What should I do?

[Prairie Purrs]

The first thing to do is to take him to the vet. Lethargy or depression in cats can be a sign of illness.

If his health is fine (and I certainly hope it is), it'll probably be best for your wife to let him get used to her on his own terms. She should let him approach her for attention. It sounds like he may not like being picked up and held, so she could try sitting on the floor and using toys or catnip to entice him over for some pets.

[lvpets2002]

Yes I so Aggree.. Welcome to Pet Talk & enjoy all the talks & pics..

The first thing to do is to take him to the vet. Lethargy or depression in cats can be a sign of illness.

If his health is fine (and I certainly hope it is), it'll probably be best for your wife to let him get used to her on his own terms. She should let him approach her for attention. It sounds like he may not like being picked up and held, so she could try sitting on the floor and using toys or catnip to entice him over for some pets.

[Medusa]

Welcome to Pet Talk. You came to the right place for good advice and plenty of encouragement. We don't always have the answers but we've got lots of love, especially for cats (since you posted in the Cat section).

If after the vet checks Skibby and finds nothing wrong physically, then I'd say that you'll have to stress the importance to your wife of letting Skibby be. He'll come to her in time, as you know because you say you've cared for cats all your life. Cats are such funny creatures and very independent among other things and to force affection on one can have just the opposite effect that your wife is looking for. Perhaps show her this thread if she remains stubborn; if she sees that others believe that she should let Skibby come to her then maybe she'll relax a little. Good luck and please keep us posted. We'd love to see some pix of your furkids when you're able to post them.

[Catty1]

you'll have to stress the importance to your wife of letting Skibby be.

'cause the Vet said so.

I think the idea of using toys etc is a good idea!

[karyn674]

My cat Lulu seemed to have the same sort of problem. It was my husband's first ever cat and he imagined that it's like having a soft toy or something. He used to call her 'the 1 meter pet' because she used always to be in a safe distance that if you try to touch her or grab her she fled away. It is not entirely her fault. We got her 6 months before we got married and could not convince my mother to keep her at her house until wedding day. Anyway, she spent the first 6 months alone at a very critical time....when she's most active and playful, with us visiting just in the evenings.

Eventually, she got used to staying with us 24/7 and now I wake up in the middle of the night with a heaviness on my stomach and see her face close to mine purring the night away

The more she tries to force her affection, the more it is going to be rejected. Give her some space but do call her at intervals during the day for a treat. I would also let her ask for the food. i.e. Don't fill up her bowl when she empties it. Let her ask for it and talk to her in the process. So she gets the idea that the good stuff comes from you, but in the process refrain to hold her. Let her come for the scritcies. She will!

Hope things will get better for you! Good luck!

[Taz_Zoee]

It sounds like your wife needs a dog.

[Momto4FemaleFelines]

Hi Trevor, I'm new here to, but Welcome to you.

I have to agree with all the previous posts. Always start with a vet check whenever your pets seem "off"--if behavior changes, litterbox/toilet habits change, eating patterns change...the vet is always the first person to consult.
Cats can hide illness and injury well and only a vet knows how to check for these things properly.

And, your wife does need to understand that cats can be quite independent creatures and they don't like things forced on them. She needs to give Mr. Skibby his space and allow him to settle in on his own terms and accept her on his own terms.