How do you politely tell someone your not interested...

**sumbirdy** · 11-25-2008, 10:09 PM

...without hurting their feelings or ruining your friendship? I have been friends with this really nice guy for a couple of months, but apparently he was viewing it in a different way. He thought I was interested! I haven't been flirting with him in any way and as far as I know, I wasn't leading him on. I treat him like I treat all my guy friends and none of them have ever thought that I liked them in that way.

When this one said he liked me and just knew I liked him too, it was quite a shock to me and all I could say (er, squeak that is) was "Oh" Which has probably not helped my case that I in fact do NOT like him that way. Sure he is nice, but I'm not looking to date anyone right now (or in the near future) Plus, he has a low self-esteem, which makes this doubly tricky for me. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I don't want us to stop being friends. He has been a great friend to me. He's very nice and I'm sure he'll find a great girl, it's just not me.

What should I say? Is there a way to put this where he won't feel defeated? (He hasn't had much luck with girls in the past)

Sorry this is so long, but I really need to know what to say.

**caseysmom** · 11-25-2008, 11:24 PM

I'm sorry I had to giggle about this. To be young and attractive and have such problems again!!!

Just be yourself, you sound like you are nice, just be honest.

**Karen** · 11-25-2008, 11:29 PM

Take him aside and gently say "I am sorry if there has been a misunderstanding. I like you, but just as a friend. I am sorry if you thought there was more to it, but I just don't feel that way about you. I felt I should say something, I hope this doesn't hurt you. You are a (fill in positive adjectives of choice here) nice person, and I'd like to still be friends with you if we can, okay?"

See how that goes. It doesn't have to be at all confrontational. And if he does not still want to be friends, it will be sad, but try to be okay with that.

**sumbirdy** · 11-25-2008, 11:46 PM

Thanks for everyone's post. I know this seems trivial, and this doesn't happen to me ever (this is the first time!) I don't date much at all. But I hate to hurt anyone's feelings, although I know feelings are going to get hurt sometimes no matter what. I've always been like this ever since I can remember. I remember not telling my parents I didn't believe in Santa for a couple of years because I thought it would hurt their feelings. lol.

**caseysmom** · 11-26-2008, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by sumbirdy

Thanks for everyone's post. I know this seems trivial, and this doesn't happen to me ever (this is the first time!) I don't date much at all. But I hate to hurt anyone's feelings, although I know feelings are going to get hurt sometimes no matter what. I've always been like this ever since I can remember. I remember not telling my parents I didn't believe in Santa for a couple of years because I thought it would hurt their feelings. lol.

Oh I didn't mean it was trivial, I am sorry. Its someone's feelings, thats never trivial.