I need honest opinions

[Medusa]

and I know that my PT friends will give it to me straight.

I had been chatting on an online dating service w/this guy; he seemed nice enough, is into alternative healing as I am and we seem to have several things in common. I finally agreed to meet him for dinner and as soon as he arrived, he said "I have something embarrassing to tell you. I left my wallet at home. Do you have any money?" Of course, I'm always prepared to pay my own way wherever I go even if it's w/friends. And since we really didn't discuss whether it would be dutch or not, perhaps I wrongly assumed that he would pay for dinner. If he had said that after dinner, I would've been furious so he at least said it upon meeting me. BUT....I'm a big one on going w/my instincts and I just had the gut feeling that this guy was trying to get a free meal and to see if I was a soft touch. I didn't want to make a scene at the restaurant and I also didn't want to be taken for someone who was trying to get a free meal either by saying "Whaddaya mean you don't have any money?" So I said "Well, yes, I do have money but this doesn't sit right w/me". He said "Well, if you would prefer to make it another time, I'll understand". I said "I think that would be best". Then he proceeded to ask me "So how are things w/you and your son and your cat (Puddy) and, and, and...." I thought to myself "This guy is trying to schmooze me so that I'll say 'aw, what the hell, I'll buy us dinner". So I said "My son is doing well, so is my cat" and I put on my coat and started to leave. He walked me to my car and that was that.

Do you think I'm being overly suspicious? Am I being unfair, seeing that he mentioned that he forgot his wallet as soon as we met and didn't wait til after dinner? Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I had pretty much sworn off dating since my last relationship approximately a year and a half ago and now I remember why. Too much work. I always caution people about internet dating and, although I've met some nice men online, nothing has ever panned out. This made me feel icky and I think I'll go back to the old fashioned way of meeting people but not right away. I'm back to not wanting to date again. I didn't give him my phone number (it's non-published), so it'll be interesting to see if he emails me again. Care to wager whether or not he will?

[Karen]

I'd go with your gut, but also might give him another chance, especially as he asked about your kitty. If he "forgets" his wallet again, then forget him!

[gini]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.

If he wasn't embarrassed because he forgot it - I don't get such a good feeling about him either.

Also, he could have said "look, this is embarrassing for me - so can we set up another date and I will remember my wallet next time?"

I don't think you can be too careful -

[Medusa]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.

If he wasn't embarrassed because he forgot it - I don't get such a good feeling about him either.

Also, he could have said "look, this is embarrassing for me - so can we set up another date and I will remember my wallet next time?"

I don't think you can be too careful -

Well, he lives 40 minutes away from the restaurant, so if he went home to get his wallet, that would've been a long time waiting. But I agree w/your statement that he didn't seem embarrassed about it; he just kept talking as though I was going to shrug it off and pay for dinner.

[sasvermont]

I think he should have excused himself, rescheduled and made good on his original offer, to share dinner expense. This "I forgot my wallet crap" only goes so far....and not far with me. First impressions are important and he didn't make a good impression on me, at all! In my opinion, you did the right thing.....and went beyond what I would have done. Run honey, run. He sounds like a creep, at best.

[kuhio98]

My ole friend (Ron) and I still laugh about the time he wanted to impress me and made reservations at a very expensive restaurant. Yep, he forgot his wallet. He was mortified. I paid the bill. Ribbed him unmercifully. He sent me flowers the next day to apologize again.

Did he contact you again to apologize?

I think you were too hard on the boy. We all make mistakes. There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern.

[Medusa]

Did he contact you again to apologize?


I think you were too hard on the boy. We all make mistakes. There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern.

No, he hasn't contacted me to apologize. If this had happened w/a guy that I had been dating for some time, I could easily forgive and pay for the dinner. But this was our first meeting. And he's not a boy. The man is 66 years old; old enough to know to bring his wallet for a date.

[RICHARD]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.

LOL, but of course!

I carry my wallet in my front pocket...to impress the women!

From a guy....

I always prepare for the worst. I even carry clean underwear in my car. In case I get into an accident.

If he showed up without a wallet, a card or a knick knack to give you, he sucks, Tell him that PT said so.

[jackie]

That made me LOL!

I think you made the right choice, and if you have any doubts about you reaction DON'T. He should have gotten in contact with you (even if he decided he isn't interested).

Following your gut instinct usually works!

[Medusa]

I think my impression was right, not necessarily that he wanted a free meal but that he was not honest and was trying to see if I was an easy mark and it appears that the majority of you agree w/me about trusting my instincts. We're human and sometimes we do stupid things, such as leaving the house w/out our wallet. I was so late for work one day that I left w/out my entire purse. I still can't believe to this day that I did that. I guess it was his demeanor and body language that spoke louder than his words. He had a grin on his face, not one of embarrassment but one of "Ha ha, gotcha! Now what are ya gonna do?". Plus his words "Do you have any money?" made me cringe. He should've said as someone here suggested "I'm so embarrassed; I forgot my wallet. Can we reschedule for another time so that you don't think I'm trying to pull a fast one?" Plus he hasn't emailed me since then, so he knows I'm on to him. I got to thinking about the fact that I didn't give him my phone number but he does have my website address and my phone number is on there, so he could've called if he really wanted to. He told me early on that he had Googled me. And I also thought to myself "So he's driving w/out a license, too, hmmm..." All these things occurred to me in an instant but I didn't say anything. Maybe he got stopped on the way home, since it was St. Patty's Day and cops were everywhere. I doubt that a cop would accept "My dog ate my wallet".

[Rachel]

. BUT....I'm a big one on going w/my instincts and I just had the gut feeling that this guy was trying to get a free meal and to see if I was a soft touch.

I think your gut was right on track. Next date he might be asking you to loan him money for his car payment - of course that will just be until he gets his tax refund. I don't think it is necessarily how you meet someone. This type of individual could be lurking out there anywhere. Maybe I just have seen too many episodes of Judge Judy.

[Medusa]

Next date he might be asking you to loan him money for his car payment - of course that will just be until he gets his tax refund.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't be that naive. I do think he was testing me, though, to see if I'd pay for dinner, then that would make me an easy mark in his eyes. In my younger days, I would've been less charming. But over the years I've learned the power of words. I got out unscathed and that's all that really matters, I guess. Boy, they're out there, aren't they?

[Freedom]

Come on, everyone, maybe he was just nervous? Maybe he had to change for the date and left the wallet in his other pants?

A few weeks back when I had to take Sugar in for her surgery, I went without my whole BAG! No wallet, no license, no CREDIT CARDS to pay the bill! It DOES happen!

Having said that, I think you were right, Mary, to go with your gut feelings. You were there, to see his face, his eyes, his posture, his attitude.

[caseysmom]

I always make sure I have my money and plastic before I go somewhere like that I don't want to end up washing dishes

On the other hand if I was him I would say I forgot my wallet can we just make it another day and profusely apologize and would refuse to accept you paying for my meal. That would have made a good impression I would think.

I think there is a lot to be said for instinct.

[K9soul]

Hmmm well if it were me personally, and I was meeting up with someone I had been speaking to off and on for awhile, and they drove a ways to meet up with me, then realized before the meal he had forgotten his wallet, I'd have wondered, but given the benefit of the doubt, offered to treat him this time, but taken note whether he made any effort to treat me another time or not. I would have chatted and talked, and if he took off never to be seen again and just wanted a free meal, he sure went to a lot of trouble for that and I guess I wouldn't sweat it that much, just would chalk it up to a failed dating experience. Sometimes you have to learn about people through experience, the good and the bad, and I guess I'd have been willing to take a shot at it if I felt comfortable around him. If I had bad vibes, didn't feel comfortable, I'd just say I wasn't prepared to pay and part ways.

I'd have been a lot more likely to be suspicious if the missing wallet wasn't brought up until after the meal. But people make mistakes, especially when they are nervous. Just how I personally would have been inclined to consider things. I don't know this man you met however and wasn't there myself so certainly wouldn't presume to say that what you did was the right or wrong thing.