What do you think??

[NoahsMommy]

Hey guys....

OK, I've been living with my roommate for 27 days now and I want your thoughts on the following...

I've been discovering my food missing! Not just one or two things, like, nearly each item I've brought into the apartment and put away into the fridge or pantry. Its one thing to go into the cheese/lunch meat drawer to find she's taken 1 or 2 pieces of my cheddar or my string cheese, but NO! She's taken and eaten nearly ALL of both packages!! The cookies my mom bought me from Trader Joe's on Thursday had only 6 left when I went to pack my lunch on Sunday night! That box had at least 36 cookies in the package! I've noticed an entire box of my granola bars MISSING (I bought 2 boxes because they were 2 for $4.00) and she's been eating my saltine crackers, my pretzels and my Pepsi....even though she knows its for my stomach - and she KNOWS I've been feeling like crap ever since I've moved in!! She's had ALL my LARGE bottle of coffee creamer, she's drinking my milk, having some of my cereal, using my bread, taking my yogurt - even though she has her own!

I had to finally say something about this yesturday, or I would have just snapped one day.

I was light about it. But to the point. I told her that it wasn't cool to take my food. That #1, it was ALL the food I had until I got paid again. #2 that the majority of the food (ie: pretzels, apple juice, pepsi, crackers) is for my stomach and without it, I cannot eat, or work. I told her I didn't want to make a big deal out of things, that "it wasn't a big deal" (meaning that I didn't want to make it an issue, not that I wasn't mad). She took it to mean that it didn't matter that she was eating MY food and said, "yea, it is a big deal, Kelly." I explained that, "yea, it is important, I just wanted to say that I'll say something one time, get it out there and then its done. I don't hold grudges. I said it, I just want it to be corrected and lets get on with our lives, OK?" She said, "I'm glad."

She never really said, "I'm sorry". Which, well, is kind of wierd. I mean, if she's hungry and doesn't have food, I don't want her to starve. But I guess the thing is her NOT ASKING. If she asks, she can absolutely have any food I have. But still, ASK ME FIRST, you know? And its not like she doesn't have food. Her part of the pantry and fridge have food and she's always bringing groceries or fast food home. So, I just don't understand why she was taking MY food. She didn't offer ANY explaination whatsoever.

Isn't that odd??

To be honest, when this started happening, I started to hide my medicines and my money. I have to be smart. Our bedrooms do have locks on them, but we don't have keys. If she can so freely take my food, what else can she do, right? I don't like thinking that way, but I have to be smart, right?

Anyway, just wondering what you all thought on this issue. My mom and my co-worker think I should lock up my food in my room. Mom even thinks I should get a small fridge for my closet. I don't know...

Outside of this, she really is a nice person. Noah ADORES her. He sits at her door and cries and cries to be let in. Especially when she's not home. He loves her so much, its so cute.

[joycenalex]

okay my take here....you told her what needs to change for your relationship as roomies to work for you. let it ride for 2 weeks, IF she continues to "borrow" food, confront her directly again, reminding her it is a big deal, she is taking your food, you don't appreciate it, and you will be locking up your food stuffs.( BTW, i also think keeping money, credit cards, checks and anything that could be pilfered away is a good thing.) do not be mean, but don't be nice about the second conversation( if it has to happen, and i hope it won't) maybe she's thoughtless and just needed to have it once kindly pointed out. ....and for the record, as a caffeine addict, NO ONE touches my coffee creamer and the last of the coffee. me without a theraputic dosage of caffine is too ugly for thought.

[kuhio98]

Kelly ~ I'm sorry, honey, but I don't think it's weird UNLESS you had an agreement beforehand not to eat each other's food. Did you have the agreement? Or is it something you just assumed?

Can you guys agree that a certain shelf in the fridge and cabinet are for your food only?

Now if it continues to happen after you've had this conversation, then I think it's weird. You've made it clear that it bugs you and why it does.

It could be that she has never been on a tight budget so it just never occured to her that it could be a problem.

[NoahsMommy]

Can you guys agree that a certain shelf in the fridge and cabinet are for your food only?

It could be that she has never been on a tight budget so it just never occured to her that it could be a problem.

When I moved in, we each picked 2 shelves in the pantry and 2 shelves in the fridge. We didn't outright say, "PLEASE DONT EAT MY FOOD". But she's lived in 4 other roommate situations before. Most of her food (jars and cans) have her initials on them, so I'm pretty sure she knows that its not normal to just take someone else's food unless its offered to her.

We've even gone grocery shopping together and we had separate shopping carts and paid separately. I don't know how on earth she would have thought that it is OK to just take my food. ESPECIALLY since I'm not taking ANY of hers.

I agree, if it happens again, after I've spoken to her about it, I'll be mad. Not until then. I hope high hopes that she'll listen to me.

Hugs, Kelly

[Medusa]

You'll probably have to spell out exactly what is off limits. If you have specific shelves, etc., then those are your shelves and your possessions belong on them. I don't care for the casual way people sometimes regard other people's possessions. If you don't get permission, it isn't borrowing, it's stealing. Of course, generosity is a wonderful trait and should be encouraged. But if you specifically state what is not to be touched and/or eaten, then that's the way it should be. If she continues w/this behavior, then you have your answer.

[Craftlady]

Maybe that's why she has trouble keeping roommates?

[CamCamPup33]

I definitely think it's a little rude. It would bother me solely for the fact that she was taking things without asking first. Like you said, it wouldn't be such a big deal if she just ASKED. And even if she doesn't ask, she should take in moderation..not eat the entire box of granola bars or eat the majority of the cookies.

Maybe she didn't offer an apology or an explanation because she was embarrassed about the whole thing, or maybe she just doesn't find it to be that big of a deal.

Either way, you've expressed that it bothers you, now all you can do is wait it out and if she continues to do it, thats when you snap!

Good luck!!