More ranting about my niece....

[caseysmom]

Hopefully those that are tired of my whining don't bother looking at this.

I am at my wits end. Any sympathy I had for my niece is gone. I told her she needs to get a job and get out on her own. I went to vacuum her room and see letters on the floor from my files, I have a bag with about 20 large envelopes where I have all of my brothers things organized, this was in my room.

Now I know she is going through my stuff and taking things out. I am the administrator of the estate and not getting a penny for all this work and now she is snooping in my room.

I have spend hundreds of dollars on clothes, hair cuts, etc without one thank you.

I told her she acts like she is better than us, doesn't talk to us and its not working out. Now I realize why she doesn't have 1 friend to her name. I am sorry if I sound heartless but I can't bond with somebody like this.

Okay sorry I feel better.

[Rachel]

You are not heartless! Time to have a sit down and outline the expectations you have for her, along with time lines for when things need to be accomplished. If she doesn't like it, she has the option to go elsewhere. In the meantime, some household rules (written out) are in order. Helping her prepare for the *real world* is not unkind.

[luvofallhorses]

you're far from heartless!! you took her into your care and she should show you some respect.

[caseysmom]

Her Uncle is going to lunch with us Wednesday (her mothers father). He is going to suggest the military, I really think she would benefit from the military but I am not sure if they would take her she is not physically fit.

I am not sure how a 22 year old can go through life with no friends at all.

[caseysmom]

My peanuts...I think its gotten a lot tougher the last 2 weeks because she finished her internship and has done not one thing. I ask her everyday if she has put in apps, in 2 weeks she has put in 2 apps online.

She never offers to help with anything, I have to nag her 4 or 5 times to get her to take her car in to change the oil, it wears me out.

I come home from work and she is sprawled on the couch every single day, now since I told her she needs to find a job and move out she hides in her room.

Right now I am done, I don't know if I can forgive all of this, her house was so bad that when I was cleaning it I was vomiting and of course there was no thank you she just got all mad because one of her pans was missing, guess what, after sitting in filth for months the pan probably got tossed!

[chocolatepuppy]

I have been following your posts about your niece and have not replied as yet because I have not been in your shoes. And I pray I never am. When my BIL died years ago, my niece was 5. My sister had a will made up that if anything happened to her, I would take my niece. She is the closest thing I have to a child. She is 18 now and a fine young woman, so no worries. Her brother however sounds similar to your niece. He is 31 and is back at home, went to college, has degrees and does nothing!!! If anything ever happened to my sister, I don't know what I would do if I got stuck with him.
I will keep you in my thoughts, I hope you can find a solution to dealing with your niece. I don't think you're heartless at all, you're in a difficult situation.

[My Peanuts]

I'm sorry things are working out this way. She is an adult. If she isn't acting like one, then I'm a strong believer in tough love. Would you mind if she stayed with you longer if she had a job and was more grateful? I'd give her a time frame to get a job, any job, or she has to be kicked out. Don't let her starve, but don't let her get away with murder either.

I've never lost a parent, but you need to make her tougher because of it. My cousin, who is now more like my sister, lost her mom when we were 14 years old. Now over 11 years later she still uses it as an excuse. She didn’t get tougher, so got weaker from the lose. This wasn't because of a lack of tough love, but she is just now getting her life together at 25 years old.

Tell it to her straight. She needs to contribute the family with a good attitude, money, and respect just like everyone else does. I know it's easier said than done, but stick to your guns and let her know you are serious.

I'm 25 years old and I still live with my parents, but they don't mind because they know I'm grateful and respectful. Also I have a job and I'm up for a much better one (I find out if I got it this week). I'm trying to save and to move out and they know that. So this isn't a bitter response because I got kicked out at a young age, I still live there!

Good luck.