Why couldn't I just...

[Queen of Poop]

Keep my big mouth shut. Then I'd still have a family and be on holidays. Instead I'm home alone and a horrible human being. I couldn't take my step daughters crying any more. It started before we even left home and only got worse. I finally had to say something. Then the fight was on. I am a horrible human. I let my frustration get the best of me. I feel bad about it. I also feel dead inside. Thanks for listening. Feel free to kick my butt, I surely deserve it.

Edit: she was crying because she didn't want to go with us to the lake and leave her mom at home. We gave her several extra days with her mom before we left and her mom came to see her yesterday, but she spent her day in the boat and I got to entertain her mom.

[lizbud]

I'm not sure what it is that you did. Why were the girls crying? Everyone
gets frustrated from time to time. We are only human.I do hope things calm
down for you & you can see things in a different light.((Hugs))

[kuhio98]

Gayle ~ You don't owe us any apology or explanation. If you feel you were out of line, please tell your step daughter. I'm sure she'd love to hear an apology (if you think you owe her one). It will be a good lesson for her to realize that adults make mistakes and take responsibility for them.

Give her and yourself a big hug. It will all be alright.

[gini]

I agree with all that has been said. Don't be so hard on yourself.........all of us and I mean ALL of us lose it once in a while.

Apologize only if you feel you should..........but it sounds as though your stepdaughter has some responsibility here too.

[Rachel]

Gayle ~ You don't owe us any apology or explanation. If you feel you were out of line, please tell your step daughter. I'm sure she'd love to hear an apology (if you think you owe her one). It will be a good lesson for her to realize that adults make mistakes and take responsibility for them.

Give her and yourself a big hug. It will all be alright.

That speaks to how I feel and puts it better than I could have. You are not a horrible human because if you were, you wouldn't have this regret. You are just human! Good luck on making amends.

[Queen of Poop]

So now apparently she's had a problem with me for several months. Well sweetheart. From Feb 27 till May 9 I was fighting for my life with the lump in my left breast. I lost 1/3 of my breast, I'm a small girl, fortunately it wasn't cancer - yet. Sorry, Alex, if you weren't the centre of attention. Following that I've been nothing but happier than a pig in sh*&. Looking so forward to the holiday that she ruined by bawling for her mother. I totally blame her and her Aunt Dana for poisioning her against me. So my marriage will end on the comments of a 13 year old girl influenced by her 37 year old aunt.

Soon to be a 2 time loser.

Thanks for letting me vent. Now if I could only stop crying.

[Laura's Babies]

She is 13? That is a little to big to be clinging to her Mommie like that! Sounds like she is a drama queen and if that is the case, you are better off without her and if Dad falls for that drama, you don't need him either. Your life should not be ruled by a 13 year old child!

You are not a looser and quit calling yourself that! Your life does not end because a marriage ends. This chapter of your life is ending but there will be a new chapter for you...

Life is to short to be miserable... Hold your head high, be proud, you do have worth...... so what if a 13 year old child don't know that? (YOU are just as important as she is!!!!)

[catnapper]

As a step mom myself, I know only too well the strain a teenage girl can put on a marriage. My step daughter was going to be the death of me. I swear some days it took all my power to not kill her. She hated me and all I stood for (essentially taking all attention from her) She pit me against hubby a million times.... and some times she won, others I won. At some point, I promise she WILL wake up and realize your purpose in life is not to make her life miserable.

You can PM me if you want. I know what its like to be a step mom to a 13 year old girl. It was the single hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. You feel like a total failure. No matter what you say is taken out of context. No matter what you do isn't good enough. You feel worthless and like a second class citizen in your own home. Dad is compelled to stand up for her... even if he knows you're right and she's wrong. There's the unspoken fact hanging in the back of everyone's mind that she is NOT your child.... in her mind, in hubby's mind, in you're own mind.

All I can say is thank goodness her mom was not in the picture. I can only imagine how much worse it would be! But I DID have SILs who poisoned her from me. God I hated when she went to visit her aunts. She came home with a royal attitude. When she was 13, they told her its ok to wear thongs, if it made her happy! um... don't you think her parents should decide that one? Ugh. Sorry for my own side vent... essentially, I'm trying to tell you I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now.

(((HUGS)))

[Sevaede]

Laura and Catnapper said everything that I wanted to say. Even though I have not been in your position, I am *VERY* close with someone who is and I've observed and experienced from it.

You are not a bad person, a loser, or ANYTHING like that. We all have an end to our wits and buttons that can be pushed.

**HUGS**

[BOBS DAD]

Gayle ~ You don't owe us any apology or explanation. If you feel you were out of line, please tell your step daughter. I'm sure she'd love to hear an apology (if you think you owe her one). It will be a good lesson for her to realize that adults make mistakes and take responsibility for them.

Give her and yourself a big hug. It will all be alright.

...that sound like pretty good advice, but you seemed almost sarcastic in your opening post??? I guess I should read on before commenting any further!!!

[lizbud]

...that sound like pretty good advice, but you seemed almost sarcastic in your opening post??? I guess I should read on before commenting any further!!!

Not one posting seemed the least bit sarcastic to me.

I think everyone should read ALL previous posts.,and re-read them if
necessary, before making such a comment. Unless you're big on 'stream
of consciousness type' postings.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

As a step kid myself, I can tell you that kid is playing you like a violin. I was just 13 when my mother died and 16 when dad remarried. Suddenly after 3 years of more or less answering to no one other than my dad, here was this strange woman in my face trying to make me answer to her. If she had ever bothered to talk to me instead of ordering me around and being in my face, well, things would have been different, probably. Throw in her two daughters, and, well, things were explosive for a long long time. Oddly now, we are friends to some extent.

There's the ever poplular: I don't have to listen to you, you are not my mother tantrum.

And the Dad said I could do this or that line. (Or in my case, I just told them I was doing something because I had not had to ask permission before my step mom came on the scene and I wasn't about to start now.)

Throw in an assortment of kin on both sides all with opinions on what YOU should do, and you pretty much are sitting on a powder keg with the fuse lit anyway you look at it.

Anyway, talking to her couldn't hurt and may help lots.

[Queen of Poop]

Not one posting seemed the least bit sarcastic to me.

I think everyone should read ALL previous posts.,and re-read them if
necessary, before making such a comment. Unless you're big on 'stream
of consciousness type' postings.

Thank you. I was NOT being sarcastic at all. Rather hard to do that when you're crying your face off. Today, Friday is the first day I feel even half alive again. I feel awful for losing my cool with her.

[Queen of Poop]

So, here are the conditions under which I can rejoin my family. I would appreciate any comments.

1. I need to apologize to the kids. And they need to know that I love them, they're not so sure about this.

2. Hubby will find a family counsellor after holidays and the entire family will go.

3. After vacation he will continue to live at our lake house until we believe that our marriage is no longer in jeopardy and the kids feel happy and secure.

4. If I feel stressed out I must leave.

5. We must all enjoy the remainder of the vacation and be happy as individuals so we can be happy as a family.

[BOBS DAD]

Not one posting seemed the least bit sarcastic to me.

I think everyone should read ALL previous posts.,and re-read them if
necessary, before making such a comment. Unless you're big on 'stream
of consciousness type' postings.

I don't know what Stream of Consciousness is??? But you are correct that I should have read all of the posts before jumping into the discussion. If you looked to the very next posts you will see that I did just that...

OK... I have a better grasp of things now! Sorry to have jumped the gun. Karen's advice (as everyone's) is also quite good....

I guess what I meant to say was not "sarcasm" but rather I detected some some bitterness (not that it is not warranted) in Queen's original post and not total remorse for what has transpired (again - not that she should have). I only suggested that if she was sincere in any effort to reconcile and start over - Queen would have to let go of it. As Gini correctly points out - "we" being parents and step-parent "need to be the adult" and be bigger and perhaps swallow our pride in an effort to get back on track.

So now apparently she's had a problem with me for several months. Well sweetheart. From Feb 27 till May 9 I was fighting for my life with the lump in my left breast. I lost 1/3 of my breast, I'm a small girl, fortunately it wasn't cancer - yet. Sorry, Alex, if you weren't the centre of attention. Following that I've been nothing but happier than a pig in sh*&. Looking so forward to the holiday that she ruined by bawling for her mother. I totally blame her and her Aunt Dana for poisioning her against me. So my marriage will end on the comments of a 13 year old girl influenced by her 37 year old aunt.

Soon to be a 2 time loser.

Thanks for letting me vent. Now if I could only stop crying.

I am only saying that IMO in order to even attempt a reconciliation, an acceptance of what is (regardless of "how" it got that way) has to be in place and a realization that "she is 13" and is going to be a teenager for another 6 years. If my misuse of the noun "sarcasm" seemed totally inappropriate, I apologize. Hopefully Queen can get off on a new foot and begin the journey towards a more healthy relationship and long marriage!!!