HEY! ~ Where's all my Tomatos?? ... {bURRp}

[Cinder & Smoke]

Ole Fire Buddy Donny brought "The Farm" over in late March ...l
A 5-Gallon dry wall bucket filled with "stuff" and a small Tomato Plant poking it's head
above the plastic covering. "Just WATER it every day; and maybe add another
stake if it grows tall. Pour water IN till it comes out this overflow ...
even a Black-Thumb can't screw it up! Enjoy."

I even remembered to drag The Farm into the warm garage for a late frost.
Slow start, but in April it kicked into gear - arms & legs shot off in all directions.
Then it was "flowers" - ALL over ... and then ... lil TOMATOs (I think).

Darn thing was THIRSTY - 1/2 gallon or more a day! I didn't go UP fast enough -
so The Farm spread low to the ground ... two more stakes to hold it all up.

May - and we had a HUNNERT lil green 'Matos hangin all over the place ...
If these all turn RED at once ... OMG. Looks like they're "mini-sized" or
"Cherry" if you prefer.
June - we got a RED ONE!

Well - it was almost red ... maybe otta hold off The Havest a day or two more.
After another week of pink/green chewey 'Matos - I figured out what RED looked like;
and managed to haul more upstairs than I ate Down On The Farm.
I've had a salad every night for weeks!

Thursday I stopped by The Farm for the daily haul ... grabbed 8 or 10 nice ones
and made plans for an even bigger haul on Friday.

Pharmer Phred went out Friday, harvest baggie in hand ...
Hmmmmm ... thought there were gonna be MORE ready that this ...
Woudda SWORN there were more yesterday ...
Noticed there weren't too many "pink" ones ... gonna be a day or two with no 'Matos.
NUTZ!

Saturday I didn't do any Harvesting, just Watered ... I'll grab a bunch on Sunday.

Sunday DinDin Tyme --- lemmie run Down to The Farm for a fresh salad ...

WHAT THE #*%$#* - WHERE's the darn Tomatos!???
Not a RED one in sight - not even a PINK one ...
WHO's STEALIN Tomatos offa my Farm????

I "stewed" about the Missin 'Matos all night ... almost called Pat (uppa street) -
but thought 2 AM might be a tad late to question who or what was swipin 'Matos.

Crack-a-Dawn (well, 10:30 at the latest) - Phred Pharmer is checkin da Farm -
DEFINATELY I'm missin 'Matos!! - Dang - even the lil Baby GREEN Ones are gone!
I'z been ROBBED!! - There's DOZENS of lil Green Babies just VANISHED ---
not to mention the couple dozen Reds & Pinks that were "almost ready".
Wonder if the Sheriff will come out ... is this a 9-1-1 'Mergency?

Look again ... musta "fallen off" da Bush ...
NOT a TRACE ... fifty foot sweep of The Farm and not a single one to be found.
Is it too late to put up Barbed Wire?

-------------------------------------


OMG! Wuz dat THUNDER, Cinder?

NO, SmokeMutt - my TUMMIE. Gonna be DinDin Tyme affore we get Brunch!

What's Dad DOIN - lookin out the Big Winnow?

He's *watchin* fur da "Mato Theif" to raid da Farm.
C'mone Guys - line up an - maybe we'll get sum grub.

After Brunch ...




OK Bowz - take a hike inna livin room like ya need ta *pee* ... It's tyme fur an Outie.

Works ebery tyme! - Shudda had him YEARS ago!

------------------------------

OUT, ya lil $#!!
Pee inna Howze an youu'll be onna Greyhound fur New Messico! OUT!

Bowz off the porch and headed west - staying close to the bushes
and thereby *hidden* from view ...
Oh well; hopefully he'll stay semi-close.

*Observed from the Big Window* >>>

Cinder & Smokey did a few Fast Laps around the Ranch, then went off to
"Powder their Noses"; returning to back-slide down the front slope towards the driveway.
SmokeMutt sprinted back towards the porch to meet Bowz;

Cinder ...

--------------------------------

scross the drive towards the (closed) Bus Garage Doors ...

Tum-Ditty-Yum, Bippity-Bob, Tritt-Trott ...

Why, Lookie Here - Pharmer Dad's Pharm an Walk-Up Salad Bar ...

- Clear!
- Clear!

Moves in - noze inna 'Mato Bush ... ...
WOW! Not much of a selection left onna Pharm these daze ...
wiff Paw ...

Not a Red Wun in site! - Gonna hafta settle fu anudder Green/Chewey wun.

This wun will do ...





and from the Window DIRECTLY Above the Pharm ...



SON uva #!!&%#!!

BADDDDDD DAWG! ~~~ GET OUTTTTA the GARDEN!!!!



----------------------------------

**OOpsie**

Dat soundz like da Pharmer got his Bibz inna *twitch*!

Hey SmokeMutt - help me *lick* da Tomato Juze offa my face ...
maybe he won't *notice*.

[Dorothy39]

Okay Phred,em a goin ta print tha wun!!!!!!!!!

[The_Duck]

*gasping for air, tears streaming down face, as she picks herself up off the floor* That was hilarious! Great story, Phred. Bad dog, Cinder!

[Dorothy39]

Yezzz, dem dugs es da bess uns on Peah Tuk!!!

Matos es gud!!! Juze es guddur!!!

[Corinna]

DUrn doesn't farmer phred know about tomato cages ? maybe chicken wire to keep the dawgs out. I laughed so hard at the is glad to see another farm adventure.

[zippy-kat]

Don't I recall a certain someone laughing at my tomato picking/eating dog awhile back? And didn't someone ask for PICTURES to accompany the tale? Paybacks, buddy, paybacks!

[slick]

OMD Pharmer Phred....I'm laughing so hard.....it's the visual. Thanks Phred, although I'm sure it's no laughing matter to you.

[Cinder & Smoke]

Don't I recall a certain someone laughing at my tomato picking/eating dog awhile back?

And didn't someone ask for PICTURES to accompany the tale?

Paybacks, buddy, paybacks!

But, but, but ...



They don't LIKE Tomatos ...
at least not when I drop a piece in the kitchen ...

Apple, cucumber, carrot, sometimes lettuce ... "We'll get it, Dad!"

Drop a hunka TOMATO and "Yucck!! It's gooey an got SEEDS! YOU get it, Dad!"

-------------------

...

...

[shais_mom]

Don't I recall a certain someone laughing at my tomato picking/eating dog awhile back? And didn't someone ask for PICTURES to accompany the tale? Paybacks, buddy, paybacks!

as soon as I saw the title that is exactly what I thought!!
sounds like Maggie has been chatting over the miles to her cousin Bowser in OHIO!
Keegan won't pick up tomatoes on the floor either but haven't really noticed her even sniffing my many plants.
interesting.
those are the stories I know and love and MISS!

[Karen]

Hee hee - just can't train them 'mater plants lessen ya spend all yer time rewrapping vines every day. Which three canine assistants around, I guess training the 'mater bush was oughta the question this year!

I'm always kinda jealous - my yard is far too shady for tomatoes.

[Catty1]

Just HAD to look up James Whitcomb Riley - loved this prank he pulled when he was aching for notice and fame...maybe it backfired somewhat, but judging by the last line of this quote, he would have taken some satisfaction from this, I am sure.

http://www.indiana.edu/~liblilly/riley/exhibit.htm

Despite Longfellow's gentle support, rejection notices continued to plague Riley. Among friends he complained that all one needed to be published was an established reputation, that the merit of the poem counted for nothing. To prove his point, Riley wrote to John Henderson, editor of the Kokomo Dispatch, and requested Henderson's aid in perpetrating a literary hoax. A heretofore unknown poem by a well known writer was to be revealed. The gambit appealed to Henderson, who wrote to Riley stating that he was with him "boots and soul." A rapid exchange of letters between the two conspirators ensued. Riley supplied the poem, "Leonainie," written in the style of Edgar Alan Poe, and Henderson fabricated the circumstances of its discovery. "Leonainie" appeared in the August 3, 1877 issue of the Dispatch. Riley and Henderson sat back and waited.

The critics were not long in responding, verifying the authenticity of Poe's work and Riley's contention about publishing. William F. Gill, Poe's biographer, wrote to Henderson requesting to see the manuscript. Here was an unanticipated rub, but Samuel Richards, an artist and friend of Riley's, took a copy of Ainsworth's Dictionary and with watered down ink to simulate fading, copied "Leonainie" onto the fly leaf in Poe's hand. The prank was well established and Riley was inspired to write to Henderson "WHOOP!" But, as is often the case when too many individuals are privy to a secret, the deception began to unravel. On August 20, 1877 William Croan wrote to Riley warning him of the impending exposure. Riley was forced to admit his duplicity and endure a tidalwave of criticism from an incensed public. The hoax had backfired and brought Riley notoriety instead of admiration. He was fired from his position at the Anderson Democrat. Even after his confession a handful of critics upbraided the poet for claiming to be the author of a poem so obviously written by E. A. Poe.

Dorothy39 (wherever you is), I see whut ya mean!

http://www.poetry-archive.com/r/our_hired_girl.html

OUR HIRED GIRL

by: James Whitcomb Riley (1849-1916)

Our hired girl, she's 'Lizabuth Ann;
An' she can cook best things to eat!
She ist puts dough in our pie-pan,
An' pours in somepin' 'at's good an' sweet;
An' nen she salts it all on top
With cinnamon; an' nen she'll stop
An' stoop an' slide it, ist as slow,
In th' old cook-stove, so's 'twon't slop
An' git all spilled; nen bakes it, so
It's custard-pie, first thing you know!
An' nen she'll say,
"Clear out o' my way!
They's time fer work, an' time fer play!
Take yer dough, an' run, child, run!
Er I cain't git no cookin' done!"

When our hired girl 'tends like she's mad,
An' says folks got to walk the chalk
When she's around, er wisht they had!
I play out on our porch an' talk
To Th' Raggedy Man 'at mows our lawn;
An' he says, "Whew!" an' nen leans on
His old crook-scythe, and blinks his eyes,
An' sniffs all 'round an' says, "I swawn!
Ef my old nose don't tell me lies,
It 'pears like I smell custard-pies!"
An' nen he'll say,
"Clear out o' my way!
They's time fer work, an' time fer play!
Take yer dough, an' run, child, run!
Er she cain't git no cookin' done!"

Wunst our hired girl, when she
Got the supper, an' we all et,
An' it wuz night, an' Ma an' me
An' Pa went wher' the "Social" met,--
An' nen when we come home, an' see
A light in the kitchen door, an' we
Heerd a maccordeun, Pa says, "Lan'--
O'-Gracious! who can her beau be?"
An' I marched in, an' 'Lizabuth Ann
Wuz parchin' corn fer The Raggedy Man!
Better say,
"Clear out o' the way!
They's time fer work, an' time fer play!
Take the hint, an' run, child, run!
Er we cain't git no courtin' done!"

"Our Hired Girl" is reprinted from Complete Works. James Whitcomb Riley. Indianapolis: Bobbs-Merrill, 1916.

[shais_mom]

Just HAD to look up James Whitcomb Riley - loved this prank he pulled when he was aching for notice and fame...maybe it backfired somewhat, but judging by the last line of this quote, he would have taken some satisfaction from this, I am sure.

http://www.indiana.edu/~liblilly/riley/exhibit.htm


Dorothy39 (wherever you is), I see whut ya mean!

http://www.poetry-archive.com/r/our_hired_girl.html

OUR HIRED GIRL

by: James Whitcomb Riley (1849-1916)

Our hired girl, she's 'Lizabuth Ann;
An' she can cook best things to eat!
She ist puts dough in our pie-pan,
An' pours in somepin' 'at's good an' sweet;
An' nen she salts it all on top
With cinnamon; an' nen she'll stop
An' stoop an' slide it, ist as slow,
In th' old cook-stove, so's 'twon't slop
An' git all spilled; nen bakes it, so
It's custard-pie, first thing you know!
An' nen she'll say,
"Clear out o' my way!
They's time fer work, an' time fer play!
Take yer dough, an' run, child, run!
Er I cain't git no cookin' done!"

When our hired girl 'tends like she's mad,
An' says folks got to walk the chalk
When she's around, er wisht they had!
I play out on our porch an' talk
To Th' Raggedy Man 'at mows our lawn;
An' he says, "Whew!" an' nen leans on
His old crook-scythe, and blinks his eyes,
An' sniffs all 'round an' says, "I swawn!
Ef my old nose don't tell me lies,
It 'pears like I smell custard-pies!"
An' nen he'll say,
"Clear out o' my way!
They's time fer work, an' time fer play!
Take yer dough, an' run, child, run!
Er she cain't git no cookin' done!"

Wunst our hired girl, when she
Got the supper, an' we all et,
An' it wuz night, an' Ma an' me
An' Pa went wher' the "Social" met,--
An' nen when we come home, an' see
A light in the kitchen door, an' we
Heerd a maccordeun, Pa says, "Lan'--
O'-Gracious! who can her beau be?"
An' I marched in, an' 'Lizabuth Ann
Wuz parchin' corn fer The Raggedy Man!
Better say,
"Clear out o' the way!
They's time fer work, an' time fer play!
Take the hint, an' run, child, run!
Er we cain't git no courtin' done!"

"Our Hired Girl" is reprinted from Complete Works. James Whitcomb Riley. Indianapolis: Bobbs-Merrill, 1916.

the redneck sez "HUH"?????????

[jennielynn1970]

the redneck sez "HUH"?????????

LOL! I don't get it either.


I planted a few "patio" tomato bushes this year, thought it would be easy since I grew up on a farm.

I couldn't figure out why I was getting tomatoes with black on the bottom. Reading your post, Phred, now I see it was calcium deficiency. Hrm. How do you get more calcium into the plant?? Maybe it was the potting soil I used to plant them in??

My peppers grew well, too big for the pots. They sucked up water like crazy!! I think I've been watering them 2xs a day. Dad said it was cause I'm using potting soil, and it's not "good stuff" like up on the farm.

[Cinder & Smoke]

LOL! I don't get it either.
------------------------

I planted a few "patio" tomato bushes this year,
thought it would be easy since I grew up on a farm.

I was getting tomatoes with black on the bottom.
Reading your post, Phred, now I see it was calcium deficiency.
Hrm. How do you get more calcium into the plant??
Maybe it was the potting soil I used to plant them in??

Dad said it was cause I'm using potting soil,
and it's not "good stuff" like up on the farm.

Here's one of a thousand web pages on "Blossom End Rot".
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/3000/3117.html

The other 999 pages all give Home Remedies to fix it.
And there's dozens of "commercial (high-priced) remedies" available.
Donny (my Mater Pharm inna Buckit constructor), suggested adding TUMS
(the antacid) 'cause he read it somewhere.
Consistant and steady watering is very important ... I let last year's Mater
Tree get too dry a few days - that disturbs the calcium flow in the plant.

This year the Buckit got pre-loaded with extra LIME to increase the
calcium reserve available to the fruit.
SO FAR - NO "black bottomed 'Maters"!

/s/ Pharmer Phred