joke thread

[ellensy]

too funny hehe

[anna_66]

Too funny guys! You had me cracking up!

[krazyaboutkatz]

LOL everyone Here are a few good blonde jokes.

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put
"Sagittarius."


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said,
"Concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
She studied for a blood test.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She sold the car for gas money!
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left,"
she turned around and went home.


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes
In Front"

[anna_66]

Those were great blonde jokes!

[ellensy]

LOL

[ChrisH]

Puppies

A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."

[anna_66]

LOL!

[Pam]

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9.You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

[ChrisH]

A young man named Jon received a parrot as a gfit. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

Jon tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistenlty saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude. Jon in desperation, threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard. Fearing that he hurt the parrot, Jon quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions. I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior".

Jon was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change
in his behavior, but the bird continued..."May I ask what the chicken did?"

[AmberLee]

A woman went to the doctors office, where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and told her to go relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, what's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, Does she still have the hiccups?

[Former User]

AmberLee, that's a good one!

[Former User]

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that."
"Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised. They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out.
A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police. They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?"

"Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

[Former User]

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.


I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
~Jay Leno

[ellensy]

LOL

[Cookiebaker]

(I love this joke because my hubby is a red-head!)

There was a red-headed girl who went to the Dr., and complained that whenever she touched herself it hurt like crazy.
"See Dr., I touch my elbow and it hurts! and the back of my neck, OW! and my knee, yeouch!"
The Doctor replies, "You aren't really a redhead, are you."
"N-n-n-o, I'm really a blonde, but I dyed it red."
"I THOUGHT so, you have a broken finger!"