joke thread

[Ann]

EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW@the booger joke

LOL, all the jokes here are great Gotta love those tech calls, even if they might not be real

[Former User]

Mrs. Ford sobbed to her maid, "Oh Beverly, I think my husband is having an affair with his secretary."

"I can't believe that!" Beverly snapped. "You're just saying that to make me jealous!"

[Former User]

An English professor wrote these words on the blackboard, directing his students to punctuate it correctly.
"Woman without her man is nothing."
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

[anna_66]

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy..."

[AmberLee]

My cousin sent me a cute joke, thought you might like it too.




Several men are in the locker room of a golf club, showering, getting changed for the 19th hole. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man picks it up, engages the hands-free speaker function, and begins a conversation

(M=man, W=wife):

M: "Hello?"

W: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

M: "Yes."

W: "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

M: "What's the price?"

W: "Only $1,000."

M: "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

W: "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

M: "What price did he quote you?"

W: "Only $60,000."

M: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W: "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

M: "What?"

W: " I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."

M: "How much are they asking?"

W: "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price. It may seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account...and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover the down."

M: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"

W: "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

M: "Bye...I love you too..."


The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The man holds up the phone and asks "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[krazyaboutkatz]

Good one AmberLee.

[anna_66]

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."

[Former User]

AmberLee and Anna, good jokes!

[Former User]

what if.... (part 1)

[Former User]

what if... (part 2)

[Former User]

what if... (part 3)

[Former User]

what if...(part 4)

[Former User]

[Former User]

catscan

[Former User]