Today is exactly six months since Dominique died. Six months since I came home to find her little, broken body in the yard. I wish I could get that image out of my mind, but it is seared there forever. I try to remember the way I had seen her earlier in the day, when she was safely in the kitty enclosure, hunting flies and jumping in the tall grass, perfect, healthy and full of life.
I miss the little munchkin so much. I miss hearing her tags jingle as she raced through the house. Dominique only had two speeds, full out or sound asleep. I miss the feel of her silky fur beside me at night; she always slept under blankets sharing my pillow. As soon as I went to bed, she would jump on my pillow and bat my cheek until I lifted the quilt for her to snuggle under. I miss her little mew that she always let out in anticipation of being petted. I miss her demanding little squawks when she wanted to be fed, picked up or wanted a Pounce treat. I miss her tiny little paws with their little white boots. She always let me play with her paws, not many cats put up with that. It snowed yesterday. She loved to play in the fresh snow. She would have loved to chase the snowflakes last night. I missed her when I washed the dog harnesses. She loved to roll around in the smelly dog equipment. Silly cat! I miss her everytime I leave a bit of water in the dogs' bucket. She tipped that thing every day and if I left any water in it, she had a great time making a mess!
I miss all my bridgekids, but Dominique's death has been particularly difficult. She was only five and I expected to have many more years with her. There was nothing I could have done to save Hoodoo, although I would have done anything. Twicket was elderly and it was simply his time. Both of them had peaceful, gentle crossings with me holding their paws. I can't allow my mind to consider what Dom's last moments were like. My vet assures me she went quickly, but the images in my head are filled with pain and fear. I have struggled to forgive myself for letting her outside. We have never found exactly how she got out, but she slipped past me somehow. I have struggled to forgive my dogs and rebuild my relationship with them. They did not mean to break my heart. I know they wouldn't ever do anything to intentionally hurt me.
I miss you, little one. Say hi to Twicket and Hoodoo for me. I love you all always.
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