Empty nest:(

[cyber-sibes]

I know there are at least a few out there who have gone through the "empty nest" syndrome. My younger son is going to be a freshman in college as of Sunday. He lives about seventy miles from here. He came Tuesday and stayed overnight, and left a half hour ago. Even though he's been gone for several years (chose to live with his Dad for High school) I feel a little sad and, well, empty. I guess I feel kind of jealous too, there's a 'new" stepmom in the picture and I feel usurped. She's already bought him all the little stuff he'll need (which I know is nice of her, but I still feel shoved off to the side). So I'm just trying to deal with my feelings and accept things the way they are. Feeling lonely, thought I'd post about it. Thanks for listening.

[Jadapit]

Oh, I'm sorry! I know how you feel. Our oldest son moved out years ago he now lives in Denver. Our youngest son moved out last summer but he came back home to save money. It is hard when they leave. My thoughts are with you....

[Logan]

I truly dread the day, myself, and I know it is coming. My daughter is a freshman in high school. I am already missing her, just knowing she will be gone too soon.

I only hope that she won't be too far away, and that she will want to see us often............that would be a good thing.

[sirrahbed]

(((((cyber-sibes)))))

Oh YES, I remember the empty nest - it is soooo real!! It is so hard to deal with and then you have the step-mom thing too Lots of sad feelings going on. One thing that may help is knowing that the anticipation is almost worse than when he will actually be gone. You know - those "last days" until Sunday....for me things really felt better once I knew they were safely at college. I went through it with each of my three - the last of course was my Missy. But soon - there was a feeling of freedom that took over that awful sadness. I had it again when Missy married and left for Japan 2 1/2 years ago. She had been "gone" at college already but still came for visits and we could drive that 60 miles to see her...

It really does get easier but this sadness and loneliness you feel now is painful isn't it?? Will you be helping your son move in at college? One thing I had read was..."don't make their bed!" I did this for my first son - but not the last two. There is something about making that bed for them at the dorm or whatever...that does not allow you to let go. Silly? Maybe .....but it was in a book about letting go of our adult kids and it did help me.

How is your son feeling about going to college? Is he happy and excited? If so, you can pat yourself on the back for helping to mold his independence.

Lots of us have been through this and I hope knowing that helps a little. Each situation is different - but I know it hurts.

Can you do some things to pamper yourself while your home is feeling so empty? Maybe a nice bath or shower...some nice music...a nice meal. A movie or TV show??

How about more...

[cyber-sibes]

I really appreciate all your replies. Yes, my son is very excited about going to school. And no, I won't be moving him, since he's living with his dad, they'll be doing it.
Sirrahbad, funny you should mention making the bed. As he was getting ready to leave, he asked me if I would come help him make the bed! I mentioned that this is kind of a watershed event, my baby is all grown up- he laughed and said , well, not quite.
So I took my furrkids to the dogpark and talked with a couple of dog-park friends. It was nice to have some sympathetic ladies to talk to, isn't it wonderful that so many of us have similar experiences and can offer each other support? I think I'll take time to go cuddle up with my cat and read for a while tonight, just to have some special time. Cleaning and work can wait till tomorow...Thanks again!

[dukedogsmom]

Maybe he'll get to come home again soon. Just remember that the step mom will never be able to take your place. I'm sure your son knows that, too. It was nice of her to buy him things. Maybe you can think of something special he can have there, also. Like, fix up a mini photo album of some of your favorite pics.

[lizbud]

I know that feeling. When my son went away to college, my
ex-husband & I went to together to drive him there & help him
move all his stuff into the dorm.It was nice to be able to see
where he would be living & what the room looked like.

On the way back home afterwards we were both crying and
remembering him as a toddler. It's a very proud time, but
a little sad to see them off on their own.


p.s. Maybe you could send him baked cookies or something
later.

[Suki Wingy]

I'm not just saying this because it's from my perspective, but you bunch are a lot more caring (plus you choose to SHOW your love) than my mom.

[orangemm]

Some moms have a harder time showing love, maybe because THEIR mom wasn't demonstrative.

My mom wasn't real demonstrative (still isn't) but I know she loves me in her own way. I have learned to accept the way she is. I hope I've shown my daughters that I love them, too.

[cyber-sibes]

p.s. Maybe you could send him baked cookies or something

Since posting this I've been thinking about this visit - when he got here he asked if we could bake cookies together. It was so sweet, usually he just logs onto my computer and spends hours on it. So maybe in his own way - asking to bake cookies, making the bed together, he was reaching out, too. It's kind of happy-sad, watching your kids grow up. When they're very young, you are best of friends, everything is an adventure. I miss that. It's just hard to face the reality that kids grow up and have their own time constraints and priorities. I am happy for him that he is going to do something he really wants to do.
Suki Wingy, relationships get so complicated sometimes.....like orangemm said, sometimes people (even moms) have a difficult time showing their love, but it's there.

[Vette]

I know how you feel. and im not even a parent.
okay.. so i sorta know how you feel.

when my brother moved out,, i felt like crap and really sad when he left.. i cant imagine what my parents felt like.. but he moved back in when things didnt work out.

which im glad for. i mean im not glad things didnt work out for him.. just glad hes back. as he moved sooooo far away with his stupid girl friend... and we didnt have the money go and vist him and vicery versa.

just glad hes black... hopefully he will choose a girlfriend whos in this blasted state next time...LOL

[Cataholic]

How strange to think that at some point, Jonah will move out of my house! I can already tell I won't want him to go, and will miss him.

I am sorry you are struggling with this.