Workign through stress

[catnapper]

I am at my limit with stressing about my daughter. Just heard new thats she's been sleeping around with some nasty drugs dealers. Oh yippie... that so makes me proud. Hubby's of course saying its a lie, and is digging his head further down into the sand. So of course he's not willing to take her to the doctor to make sure she doesn't have any STDs or to speak with a therapist about whatever's going on inside her head. We're about to explode in this house... and I'm helpless to sit back and wait for the explosion.

Sooo.... whats a helpless person to do? Draw her heart out. Here's the results of something I've been working on all week..... I really pushed myself harder than I normally do with portraits simply because its good therapy!
Reference photo


Finished portrait


Also, please wish Nicki luck -- we're headed to the vet today. She has a badly swollen paw and a huge lump between her toes. She's licked it raw.... poor thing. I thinks its nothing more than a bug bite, but we're headed to the white coat's to be sure.

Once again... I sincerely appologise for not answering threads or being around. This "daughter thing" has cast such a black shadow over my life right now that I feel like retreating from everything I enjoy. I'm trying to focus on my drawings right now, and I DO stop in to check on everyone... just don't have the heart to respond.

[dukedogsmom]

That is a great drawing! It almost looks like a photo that just had some static added from a paint program. Of course, it's always good seeing Princess Nicki. I hope that nothing serious is wrong with her. Give her a hug from me. I don't know what to say about your daughter except I'm sorry. If she doesn't straighten up, she could ruin her whole life but I'm sure you know that. Hope things get better.

[sirrahbed]

That drawing is beautiful, Kim!! I think it may just be your best yet of all I have seen. I know some of the stress you are dealing with - as you have shared here

I am sad to hear what you suspect about Ash. Is your source pretty reliable?? Oh how sad and scary if it is true! My three really did not cause too mch trouble and I don't know how I would have reacted. My husband is wonderful but also tends to leave the worry and *spying* to me. It is hard to be tough when you feel you are doing it alone. Please keep talking to him, OK?? I think I said this before, but HE will be around long after the kids have grown.

I can tell you are good and caring mom, Kim. I also think that Ash has to know this inside even though she seems to blame everything on you. All of this awful time WILL resolve eventually. If she has to face some really awful knocks - even if it means arrest, etc - you all will survive it. Besides - maybe everything you heard is not accurate.

I am rambling here my friend - but please know that I am your friend and only wish to help - as I know you do for me.

In the meantime, draw your heart out and keep putting ypur love and talent on paper - it is an amazing gift!!! (Therapeutic too! )

(((((((Catnapper Kim)))))))

[Daisy and Delilah]

WOW!!! That is truly incredible! The drawing looks just like a photograph. We had to do a triple take to make sure. The detail of the quilting in the blanket must have been very tedious as well as many other details. Your work is amazing!!

Best wishes for you and sweet Nicki. We hope all is well at the vet and we don't envy the daughter situation at all. Boy, how fortunate I am to have the best kids in the world. Please live with thoughts of the day that this will all be in the past and she will be falling at your feet with respect and apologies for trying to steer her in the right direction. You can only do so much and it is so exhausting though. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love, Terry, Daisy, and Delilah

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I am so sorry that things are so rough for you. Frankly, there comes a time when enough is enough and you have to let her choose her own path - but not in your home. If she wants to behave like that she has to do it in her own place, not yours........can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now but rest assured that there are loads of people here who are on your side xx

[furrykidsmother]

I am so sorry to hear that things are not improving, but the stress is certainly allowing you to create absolutely beautiful drawings! You are so gifted!

Hope things go well for Nicki at the vets, I hope it is nothing serious. Let us know.

I wish I had an answer or some suggestions regarding your daughter, but I just don't know what to say except I feel for you and hope that the situation improves. I only have furchildren and have no experience.

[jennifert9]

Kim, I am sorry to hear that you are so stressed and that your daughter is giving you a hard time. I can tell you from personal experience, I was one of those kids, the one my poor parents probably spent hours and hours if not days, weeks, months of their lives worrying about. I defied authority every chance I could find. It sounds like your daughter is going through that "phase" in her life also. But because she has a good family support system behind her, I am sure she will be fine in the long run. My advice however, would be to schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to get her tested and/or on birth control. Teenagers have no concept of consequences and think they are invincible as I'm sure you know. If she is having sex, you cannot stop her but you can protect her. My mother sent both my sister and I to the dr when I was 18 and my sister 16. It was embarassing and very controversial at the time. Many of her friends did not agree and my father never knew but it was the best thing she did for me. I scraped through my teenage/college years with barely a scratch thanks to my strong upbringing, good family and a little luck.
Just drop an appointment card in her room/purse or something, don't make a big deal of it you know? Offer her a ride maybe but no criticism or judgment. That will just turn her the other way I think.
I'm sorry I can't look at your pictures on this computer but I'm sure they are marvelous. Remember, you are a great mother. Don't lose faith in yourself or your family. This is just another bump in the road of life...
Let me know if you need Duncan and I to come there the straighten her out! I have a "way" with teens (I really do! They tend to listen to me for some odd reason) and Duncan has his own, um, er, let's say "threatening" ways of making people pay attention!!

[King Spartacus]

First: You're drawing is amazing! Gosh... I sure wish I could draw like that... Do you commision and sell? You might think about if you don't. Where I work I have several people that come and show me what they paint and draw (as I'm very interested in it... studied art and art history for 3 years)... and you're is far better than most of them (and they make a living out of it!).

Your daughter... I'm sorry she's become a "problem"... I was a problem teenager myself... Anyway... I haven't had a drop of alcohol for 5 years, nor touched any drugs since then...

If you think your daughter might be having some sort of decease, please get her to a doctor. There's so many nasty things out there, not all might kill you (even though some do), but she might end up infertile. If she doesn't want to go, try using the shock treatment: "You spread your leg for everybody else, you might as well spread them for the doctor!" (I actaully used that centence to a friend... she went... she had a decease... she got treatment)

I really don't know what to say... in what I call "my drinking days" I would not listen to anyone. Let alone my parents. I had to wake up and realise what I was doing myself... I did... but it took me years. I wasted so much time and money. I caused so much heartache. It pains me so to think of the things I did and said, but I can't change the past. All I can do is to try and be a good person now. I wish... I wish... I wish no-one would end up on the track I did, as I didn't just mess things up for me, but worse than anything the pain I caused my parents. Unfortunatly, that was the last thinks on my mind...

All I can do is wish you luck... Good luck! and I hope your daughter sees her mistakes before it's too late.

Sylvie, KS' mom

[Randi]

Kim, I'm really sorry you're going through such a stressful time with your daughter. I wish I could give you some advice. All I can say is, I think your husband should get his act together and do something about it! You should both agree about how to handle it, and stick to it! I think your daughter is tesing her limits with you. As long as there's no consequences of what she's doing, she'll probably continue.

Good luck with her!


I love your drawing, it's amazingly good!! It must have taken quite a while to do. You're so talented!

[Jadapit]

I'm so sorry about your daughter. If she really is sleeping with a drug dealer chances are she is doing drugs. That could explain her attitude toward the family. Drugs can really change a person.
Have you all thought about buying a home drug test for her to take? I'm not trying to scare you or bring you down any further its just a thought i had. Please forgive me if i was out of line.

As for the drawing omg, what can i say? It's so beautiful. You have an amazing talent. I envy you.

[catnapper]

Thanks folks... sitting here with hot curlers on my head waiting for them to cool so I can take Nicki to the vet... hey Tonya.... should I go as is? I know how much you LOVE the curler look in public!

Nicki's going beside herself with itchies. I'm sure its just a bug bite and nothing more. The vet didn't even want to see her today, but I've been through this every summer for ten years with her and I KNOW she needs a vet to fix it right away. Otherwise, we'll be dealing with an open wound til September. I got paid $85 for my first REAL commission yesterday... easy come, easy go. (Its for a baseball card thats going to be featured in a book!)

I just got off the phone with hubby--- arguing over our daughter. He thinks my source is nuts (his sister who heard it from his brother... whom we haven't seen in untold years... his brother is my son's age... anyhooooo) He thinks she needs to stop acting so stupid and is just being an average teeenager. Wellllll... my son was moody, but not this bad. My youngest is not anything like this.

I swear, we have a solid, loving marriage... and she's testing not only us with her, but us as a couple. I will NOT let her tear hubby and I apart.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Originally posted by catnapper
I will NOT let her tear hubby and I apart.

Yes, this is important. I mean, she is your daughter and all, and you love her and want the best for her, but your marriage is important too and should not be sacrificed because she is making bad decisions.

I don't have any kids, so I can't offer much, but I do know that I went through a similar spell when I was young. I was 18 when it started so I was a little older, but not much wiser it seems. All I know is that it was a phase for me. Through all the years of raising me, my parents set a solid foundation - how to be a decent, honest, caring, loving person. I threw all that aside for awhile, but what I was doing with my life eventually hit me in the face and I started straightening up. I know I put my parents through hell and at the time, of course, I was the one who knew everything and they knew nothing and it's my life anyway! Boy did I learn my lesson....the hard way.

So I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes all you can do as a parent is let them know that you will be there for them if/when they decide they need you. Until then, you have to take care of your own life and hope that nothing seriously bad happens to her before she sees the light. Getting her to a doctor and making sure she is on reliable birth control and has no STD's is an important step though. Maybe if you just tell her you're not going to try to stop her, but you want to make sure she's safe, she will begin to see that you really do care about her and trust her to make the right decisions in her life.

I'm just so sorry you have to deal with this. I should probably give you my mom's phone number so she can tell you how she dealt with me and my brothers.

At least you have a creative outlet for your stress. The portrait of Nicki is fantastic! You have such great talent!

[King Spartacus]

Originally posted by catnapper
I got paid $85 for my first REAL commission yesterday... easy come, easy go. (Its for a baseball card thats going to be featured in a book!)

Well done! You really should go for it! That drawing is amazing!

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by catnapper
I got paid $85 for my first REAL commission yesterday... easy come, easy go.

and raspberries - what was I? Just kidding you! I will likely be back when I don't feel so poor. Look at what I had Kim do last year
Look at top left... It is *gorgeous* on my wall. Oh and look at the other pages while you are there like the Animals

[caseysmom]

Kim...I am going through some problems with my daughter too, I just hope we both make it through without hating each other. I tried for 9 years to have kids and I gave her all I could but I guess its part of nature to try to rebel against your folks, some just have worst judgement than others.

I hope someday me and my daughter will be close like the sirrah's.