How to respond?

**catnapper** · 04-24-2005, 06:08 PM

I mentioned the other day about my son being written up in the paper. My husband doesn't have much of a relationship with his sisters--- long story there, but essentially we don't talk anymore. Today she sent her oldest nephew (hubby's other sister's son) over with a letter. The letter basically said that she's disappointed in Tony for not talking about his grandmom in the article, because SHE got Tony into running track (the article was on his track running & school success despite adversity), and she took on the role of mother after hubby divorced his first wife. The letter escalated from there, basically telling Tony that he lied in the article. That she is just disapointed in him on so many levels, yadda yadda yadda.

I am LIVID! First off, Tony DID talk about his grandmom to the writer - its not HIS fault the reporter never mentioned her in the article! Second, how DARE she! She can pick up the phone and tell him her feelings. She can deliver the letter in person... not send his cousin to deliver the note! Thirdly, this is not the first time she's treated him like this. Once her husband used Tony as a decoy to have an affair. Tony told us and we told her. She accused Tony of lying for attention and ruining her marriage. Only after she caught her husband in the arms of this other lady did she believe him... did she ever appologize???? noooo. She plays power plays all the time.

How do we respond? Tony left a message for her. She has not answered his call or returned the message. I am ready to get in the car and knock her door down (though that won't solve anything and I know it.)

**AmberLee** · 04-24-2005, 06:34 PM

I don't know how I'd respond to so unbalanced a comment.

It sounds like your decision to avoid communications with her is the best. I'd warn Tony that his aunt is a little unbalanced again, and not to let it get him down.

Is his grandmother aware that he is disappointed that the reporter misrepresented him?

**catnapper** · 04-24-2005, 06:44 PM

His grandmom passed away three years ago.

Also, forgot to add... at Christmas, we all had a family gift exchange for the kids. The limit was $15, but since we had all the teenagers in the family, we spent $30 each kid thinking there's no way to buy a teen a gift for $15 they'd like. Anyhow... NONE of my kids got gifts from the sister who wrote the note, and she was their polyana. So this behavior is nothing new.

**Karen** · 04-24-2005, 06:52 PM

I would tell Tony to ignore her. At the most, have him write her an excruciatingly polite letter explaining that he had mentioned his grandmother to the reporter, and it is not his (Tony's) fault that because of the writing and editing process, she didn't get mentioned in the article. He should "thank" her for her ineterst in his article, and leave it at that.

You cannot choose your relatives, but you can choose how you react to, or deal with them. It seems that putting this one at a distance - formal-sounding letters only, if anything - would be the better part of valor. She's not worth the energy or effort that getting angry entails.

**lizbud** · 04-24-2005, 06:59 PM

Your Son has responded with a message for her. That should be
enough.I would tell him to consider the source and forget about it.

**moosmom** · 04-24-2005, 07:55 PM

What Lizbud said!

**Laura's Babies** · 04-24-2005, 07:58 PM

I ditto Karens advice... She needs to get a LIFE!

**BitsyNaceyDog** · 04-24-2005, 08:44 PM

People like that I tend to try to "kill 'em with kindness", basically like Karen said. I agree with Liz though, he already left her a message so I would just let it rest now.

**Fox-Gal** · 04-24-2005, 09:22 PM

My husband has same thing with one of his sisters. Our way with her, is to just ignore her, when ever she tried to start trouble and she does that alot. His sister is important to, as in that she is his sister, but we don't "feed her" sort of speak.

Sounds a little like your husbands sister might be the same way, out to start things. She want to be noticed and her means of how to get noticed is to be an A#$. I would just ignore the whole thing, sounds to me like she wants to get to him and by responding, you just "feeding her needs" and she feels she won.

If you feel you have to say something, I would leave it at: "Although we have a different take on it, we thank you for your letter." And let that be the end of it. It will kill her that she didn't get to him and he proves himself to be the better person.

**Oggyflute** · 04-24-2005, 10:49 PM

yep, agree with above. Why bother descending to there level of ignorance, and why allow anything to take away the level of pride you feel for your son.