i want your take on relationships

[finn's mom]

I'm really in a situation where I need some advice. And, not advice like "take it slow", "get to know him", etc, because, well....that's what I'm doing. I've known Ben for three months, and, I'm 100% smitten, totally overcome with so much L.O.V.E. for him, it's really wild. I don't know if this is forever, but, honestly, I want it to be. And, I know there are books out there like "1001 questions to ask before you get married". I plan to check it out, as cheesy as that sounds. What I'm asking for is for all the people in here, whether you're young or old, married or divorced, man, woman, child, to give me some stories, some questions, some insight. I don't care, I just want y'all's input on what you think about the subject. We've already touched on a lot of topics, including (but, not limited to) politics, religion, money, etc. And, I know that even if every one of his answers is good, we just may not get along when it comes right down to it. But, anyway, I just want as much input from as many people on relationships and what you are proud of yourselves for and what you regret and what you love and what you hate about relationships. I hope that this post gets a little attention. As most of mine don't, which I don't mind, but, this is important to me, and, I hope I can get some insight from you all. If you want to pm, that's fine, too. What I get in pm, stays in pm, it will not be posted. Guaranteed. Thanks for reading this. - Kari

[PJ's Mom]

The only thing I can tell you is this:

Listen to the little voice in your head. Whether it's positive or negative, listen to it. Sometimes your head knows what your heart hasn't seen yet.

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by PJ's Mom
The only thing I can tell you is this:

Listen to the little voice in your head. Whether it's positive or negative, listen to it. Sometimes your head knows what your heart hasn't seen yet.

I like that, thank you. Did you see my little "ticker tape" thing? Ugh, I'm such a dork!

[PJ's Mom]

I did see it and I giggled. People in love are so cute. lol

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by PJ's Mom
I did see it and I giggled. People in love are so cute. lol

I know, it's disgusting. Ugh, I make myself nauseous sometimes. And, it's strange, I don't know, I've been married, and, have been in two other relationships (above and beyond just dating), so, I'm not new to this. But, this is different just because I HAVE been through that stuff, ya know? I'm just so scared about it, because I don't want it to go down the ugly path. But, I'm excited, too, because it could be the right thing, and, I know if it is, it'll be beautiful.

[Jadapit]

Your not a dork your in love! I think when you find "the one" you feel it not only in your head but your heart as well. Does your heart do that little flutter when you see Ben? My husband and I have been together forever. I cant imagine my life without him.
It sounds like it's the real thing for you. I'm happy for you and I wish you both the best. I dont know if I said anything helpful. I have been married for so long I've almost forgotten what new love is like. I love my husband with all my heart and I wouldnt trade him for anything in the world. We have had our up and downs but everyone does. I'm rambling so I will shut up.

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by Jadapit
I dont know if I said anything helpful.

Of course you did, this is the kind of thing I want to read. Just people's ideas about love and relationships, even if it's not all sunshine and daisies. Again, I've been through the grinder with men, and, am almost a complete person again. I've been working on myself for awhile, now. I do know there's no way I can be good for anyone else if I'm not good for myself. I've learned a lot about myself the past year, and, am striving to improve. But, no, I'm just wanting to hear people's stories and their thoughts, so, it's all helpful.

[PJ's Mom]

You're doing the right thing by taking it slow and using your head as well as your heart. You've been through enough to know not to jump in with both feet. Just remember that if it's meant to happen, it will.

Dork. lol

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by PJ's Mom
Dork. lol

I know, I'm going to make Ben a shirt that says "i love dorks." He says he likes that I'm a dork. So, my response was that I think that makes him one, too.

But, yeah, here's the problem. I left Texas almost two weeks ago, because I just needed to get out of there and get around some family. To get some perspective, and, calm down a little. Dallas is just so fast paced and it got to be really stressful for me. But, as the time for me to leave drew nearer, I realized I was falling hard for Ben. But, I also knew that I couldn't stay in Texas because of him. So, we've talked about it, and, I'm for sure staying in South Carolina for six months. And, we've made a decision to take advantage of this time to really get into eachother's brains, really get to know eachother. And, I think, in six months, we'll know if it's something that is worth taking to the next level. Which, for me, would be moving back to Dallas. I mean, he's coming out here in May, so, if he likes it, it could even be an option that he would come out here to check it out. But, it would be a lot easier for me, I think, to go back there than for him to move out here. But, that might change, too, there are a lot of variables there, and, a lot can happen in six months. And, then, it would be a matter of me getting an apartment back in that area and he and I seeing if we can do the "getting along" face to face thing. Which we spent a lot of time together in the two months before I left, so, the chemistry is there. It's just a matter of seeing how strong it is. When we get to see the ugly side of eachother, too.

Anyway, I'll stop for now.

[catnapper]

Awww... it sounds wonderful! Sounds like you've got a good plan going already.

One thing I always tell people in relationships is to always keep outside interests. Do your own thing, while he does his. I've seen too many couples turn into the "super couple" where you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began, and to me thats sad because they were complete before the other person came into their lives, so why are they forgoing some of their favorite activites or friends just because that new person is there? Because there will come a day when the sparks die down and all somebody wants is to be left alone, but they can't be because they created a whole little world of just THEM. Understand that rush of advice?

[luckies4me]

My bf and I have been together for three months as well, and we've basically been through enough already to know we are definitely staying together for quite some time. Maybe not forever, but we've definitely talked about it. We are 100% completely in love, and already act like we're married. He's younger than me. I'm 25, and he's 20. But he's more mature than most 40 year old men, has a good career, makes good money, has an education etc. We are INSEPERABLE! We've been together since the day we met, and have only spent about 7 days out of the whole three months without being together, and that's only at night. We are way too in love, and often make people sick. Their just jealous. He's been with me through so much already. Knowing that I already have a son, and even going as far as to help my problems with my ex, money situations etc. He is there for me with everything and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

We do bicker, but it's pointless stuff, and after a few hours we are right back in bed staring at eachother. We have SO much fun together it is amazing. We are so comfortable in front of eachother and can pretty much tell eachother anything without feeling emberassed. In fact, I often wondered if I was really in love with any of my past relationships because the feeling I have now is just ten times more intense than anything I have ever felt before. He always tells me, "People search their whole life for what we have". And it's true. Today is actually our three month mark.

Now, if I can come to terms with his career I will be all set. He's a professional downhill biker and the thought of him getting hurt (and believe me he has!) or dying just kills me. I can't imagine life without him right now. I'll be going to some of his races this summer though, so maybe his excitement will rub off on me and I can learn to except the crazy side of his personality as well. He says, "Well just think hunny, my racing could buy that big house we want someday". So I guess in a way, it's a good thing.

[luckies4me]

Originally posted by catnapper
Awww... it sounds wonderful! Sounds like you've got a good plan going already.

One thing I always tell people in relationships is to always keep outside interests. Do your own thing, while he does his. I've seen too many couples turn into the "super couple" where you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began, and to me thats sad because they were complete before the other person came into their lives, so why are they forgoing some of their favorite activites or friends just because that new person is there? Because there will come a day when the sparks die down and all somebody wants is to be left alone, but they can't be because they created a whole little world of just THEM. Understand that rush of advice?

SO TRUE!!! That is one thing my bf and I completely understand. There are times when we both just need some time alone, which is good for us, because when apart we just long for eachother more. He has his friends, and I have mine, and we both understand the need to have our own personal time and space.

[luckies4me]

By the way, I want a ticker.

[Fox-Gal]

catnapper is so right, keep outside interests, that's so important.

Also, I'll tell you what my parents taught me about relationships. ...........Trust 100%, you can't be with, or watch someone 24/7 so you have to trust 24/7...... jealousy and love can not work toghter. If you have the one, you can't have the other, or else it will never last.

The other came from my Father, when as a child I caught him looking at another woman. I told him I was going to tell Mom. lol
He said this. "It's like window shopping, even if you know you bought the best and nothing could ever compair, you still can look at the window, just never buy." lol Again going back to trust.

[luckies4me]

A little jealousy is normal I believe, but when overdone is when there tends to be problems. Trust is a MAJOR important factor in the health of a relationship. I find myself very hard to trust someone, and am learning now to trust my bf. I've been lied too so many times it doesn't come easy. Deep down though, I know he would never do anything to jeapordize our relationship. He loves me too much.