How to deal with friends who shouldn't have pets?

[wolflady]

This is sort of in reference to another thread I started in Cat General called Dilema! Please Help!

I have a friend back home in Indiana who I've known since high school. To make a long story short, she has this bad habit of collecting animals. My take, is that she feels like she's doing a good thing. Her heart is in the right place...but it's not a good idea for her to have animals at all.

To make a very long story short, she's had animals taken away from her. Not just a few, but I could safely say somewhere in the range of 20 animals.
At least 6 large dogs and 14 or so cats. Plus, she's had several litters of kittens die in her care

I just don't get it. She can barely afford to support herself and her kid...let alone these poor animals. How can she feel ok about bringing more animals into her home, after so many were taken away. Personally, I was glad when all those animals were taken away, because they were so unhealthy. A person couldn't walk into her home without leaving with tons of flea bites. She would get mad at the cats for going to the bathroom on the floor, but wouldn't clean up the mess when they did. Plus....with 14 cats...and 2 litterboxes...I would be using the floor too!

Now, she's married to someone else (she was living with and engaged to a different guy at the time of the animal confiscation) and she's managed to get a couple of cats and a pitbull puppy. I can already see bad things happening here. This pitbull, I fear, is going to turn into the typical stereotype...
Anyway, she had wanted to adopt even more cats...but that is covered in my other thread.

Now, I get an email about how lonely her puppy is (duh...she shouldn't have even gotten one *sigh*) and now she's looking to adopt another dog
When does this stop? How am I supposed to help her when everything I've ever told her goes in one ear and out the other? I've given her countless amounts of information and advice when it comes to animals...yet the madness continues.

*sigh* Sorry, I just had to rant...because at this point I just have no idea what to do...

[wolflady]

*bump*

[PJ's Mom]

What a horrible situation for you to be in. I wish I could offer some advice.

[Lexi_Lover]

I just did a speech on this. Collecting is also known as hoarding, and although she does feel that she is doing the right thing, somehting has to be done.

You ahve to keep going at her, telling her to stop, if she doesn't listen and keeps getting more and more animals without the proper care, you will have to get a humane officer in there. I know this may be hard on you, and her too. But things have got to get done if she expects to keep the animals she loves right now.

Its ok if she adopts one more dog to give the pup company, but tell her not to overload, convince her to get her pets spayed and neutered. The cost may get her to lower down on the animals. Bring her to a shelter with lots of sick animals and show her what can happen.

Look up cases on the internet and show her what places look like. You have to keep convincing and telling her not to bring anymore in what so ever. Even if she feels sorry for them, they will get a good home and she doesn't have to worry.

You may also have to talk to her husband and tell him to convince her as well. If not that, then tell him to give her a talk about those things. Something has to work. Keep us updated!

[wolflady]

Yes, maybe I should just start sending her articles about animal collectors and stuff. I've never tried that tactic before. She's been calling me for years about her "animals issues" and I have always offered my advice. I don't know how many times I told her to clean the cat boxes.
Animal control finally did come and take all 20 animals away

Now, she's starting fresh. She has 2 cats (and was looking to adopt 2 more!!) and a 6 week old pitbull puppy and is looking to get another dog. Her new husband is the one who wanted the puppy, and he is much younger than her, so I'm not sure if he would take to listening to me. He'd probably go and tell my friend and then she would just get mad and never speak to me again. Oh well...I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
The thing is...she can barely provide for herself and her kid...let alone the animals...I just don't understand why she insists on getting more...especially after having so many taken away in the past.
You're right....I should just continue to give her my advice and maybe sooner or later it will sink in. *sigh*

**hugs**

[AmberLee]

I don't think she's hearing you or open to hearing you.

Do you have mutual friends who are into animals/aware of the problems of hoarding?

Any chance you could get others to support you in addressing this with her?

[Oggyflute]

Originally posted by AmberLee


Any chance you could get others to support you in addressing this with her?

This could be the best way to go. It's hard to educate someone when they don't listen. Good luck with it mate.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

I think of it in a different way. SCREW talking to her. She is not going to listen. She does not think she is doing anything wrong... Would you stop doing something that you loved, just because someone said it was wrong??
I would call the ASPCA and report her... Say a fake name, and that you are one of her neighbors. I know that sounds harsh, but clearly she is not able to provide a suitable home for any animals, much less to keep collecting and adding more to the problem.
I know you are in a spot, but I hope that you can look past friendship, and look to the poor animals that are getting mistreated. I know she may not mean to to do any harm, but she is, and that is SO sad.
*HUGS* to you. atleast someone cares enough about these pets to do something about it

[wolfsoul]

That sounds exactly like my grandma! My mom and aunts hold alot of resentment towards her due to their childhood that only consisted of cleaning cages, litter boxes, breaking up dog fights and taking care of dozens of puppies at a time. At one point she litterally had more than 100 cats, and 10 or 15 dogs tied to every vehicle in the driveway where they would continuously breed. The SPCA came around so much that she eventually moved out of the city -- now she lives in the middle of nowhere where there are pretty much no laws. The good thing about living out there (and I don't care how evil this sounds) the wildlife pretty much takes care of alot of the cats. Bears, coyotes, etc keep their population to only 40 or 50 cats at a time. That doesn't keep the dogs from breeding...

Having dealt with this for years, I can tell you that there is absolutely nothing that you can say that will change her mind that she is doing a good thing. No matter what you say, in her mind, she is "saving" them. In her mind she is thinking that it doesn't matter their quality of life -- To her, they are alive, and that is all that matters. She has a disease -- there is nothing anyone can do that will cure her of this hoarding behaviour. The only thing you can do to help is to keep calling the ASPCA or Humane society. Even if you have to go so far as telling them that she is beating the animals -- she will have to pay a fine, yes -- but that may also end her animal ownership rights completely.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Originally posted by kt_luvs_kitties
I think of it in a different way. SCREW talking to her. She is not going to listen. She does not think she is doing anything wrong... Would you stop doing something that you loved, just because someone said it was wrong??
I would call the ASPCA and report her... Say a fake name, and that you are one of her neighbors. I know that sounds harsh, but clearly she is not able to provide a suitable home for any animals, much less to keep collecting and adding more to the problem.
I know you are in a spot, but I hope that you can look past friendship, and look to the poor animals that are getting mistreated. I know she may not mean to to do any harm, but she is, and that is SO sad.
*HUGS* to you. atleast someone cares enough about these pets to do something about it

I know this sounds hard, but I think it is the only way....

[wolflady]

Wow, thanks for the insight everyone. This definitely is a spot to be in, but I think you all might be right. Unfortunately I'm the only positive influence in her life, so there is nobody that we mutually know that I could talk to in terms of getting someone to help me try to convince her that getting animals isn't the best idea.
All of her friends (none of which I know personally) are just like her. They're all breeding their pitbulls and lord knows what else...
It's just so frustrating. At least with the help of noahsmommy, we were able to stop her from adopting a special needs cat recently!!!

**hugs**

[micki76]

I don't have any advice, I haven't figured out what works with people like this.

I like the idea of sending her articles, but like AmberLee said, I don't think she's open to hearing you.

Good luck.

[Uabassoon]

I would call the ASPCA and report her...

If she just stared collecting again and only has a few animals at the moment odds are there isn't anything the ASPCA can do. If the animals look healthy, have food water and shelter then they won't be able to take away the animals because nothing illegal is being done.

[Rachel]

How this must tear you up. I get upset when one of my friends neglects the grooming of her dogs, although otherwise she is a good guardian. I wish I had some suggestions on how to *get through* to her. Have you ever discussed with her the episode of her animals being taken away and why that was? I do believe that this person has a serious problem which won't improve until she acknowledges it, and maybe even not then. I wonder if the court was involved when the other animals were removed from her home. One would think that the court would have included some kind of ruling as to if she could have animals in the future and if so how many. Is there anyway you could check on that?

Thanks for being concerned about this situation. These poor creatures need someone to advocate on their behalf.

[Lexi_Lover]

Originally posted by kt_luvs_kitties

I would call the ASPCA and report her... Say a fake name, and that you are one of her neighbors.

Its better to go in as anonymous(spl?) Instead of saying somehting that isn't true...