It bothers me that Roxy is afraid of me

[Tonya]

We've had Roxy for a few years now and she still cowers all the time. It really bothers me. It makes me so sad that she feels that way. I wish I knew what happened to her and who did it. When I approach her, she'll often put her ears back and her tail between her legs and run off. When I try to comfort her, she rolls on her back and seems scared. She's this way with Mike also, but worse with me. I wish she knew how much we loved her and we'd never hurt her.

[Glacier]

I can relate--we have a number of timid dogs. It takes them a long time to come around.

This is going to sound kinda mean, but it's been really effective for us. Don't comfort her when she acts scared. If she gets positive attention for acting scared, she will continue the behavior--it gets her good things! You act like every thing is just fine. Don't coddle her or cuddle, no extra treats ect when she is acting scared. Reward the heck out of her when she acts brave--even it's for something silly. I acted like a complete fool the first time Franklin got on the couch. Now he gets up there regularly. She will take her cues from you--you act brave and confident and eventually she'll follow suit.

It can take a long time and some of it may never change. I will never be able to take Pacer into town with me, but I can pet him and play with him now. when we first got him, he was untouchable, wouldn't come near us.

Most of our timid dogs have been more afraid of my hubby than of me. For a few of them, we've made Stuart their primary caregiver. All good things come from Stuart for those dogs. He plays with them, gives them treats, feeds them ect. He never does any discipline or even raises his voice to them. Eventually they realize that he's not so bad after all.

I'm sure Roxy knows that you love her. It's just her lousy start in life that makes her act frightened. Abuse in those formative months is very hard to overcome.

edited to add: there's a very good book called "help for your shy dog" I can't remember the author, but it has lots of really good ideas.

[ramanth]

I feel your pain. Kia was bold as we bonded but after her seizure, she now cowers if I raise my voice.

[Scooby4]

How do you appoach? Do you look her in the eyes? That is a sign of aggression to a dog. She is intimidated by you. Your ALPHA dog to her and this is how she would act in the pack.
Also her rolling over and exposing her belly - Sign of submission. This isn't good but can be overcome to a good degree. My dog Shaggy couldn't even be touched without rolling over onto his back!!! He was so shy and timid.
There is a solution. It will be kind of tough but it needs to be done. It isn't an overnight thing as well. It is an ongoing training process and the results just get better.
First, DO NOT approach looking into the dogs eyes. Put some food or a toy out in front of the dog. You want it's head down to pet. LET the Dog SMELL your hand as well. If the dog flinches while attempting to touch put your hand out for it to smell. This gets the dog familiar with your smell and knows who you are. ALWAYS have a dog smell you BEFORE petting.
This step will take some time believe it or not. Give this method a few weeks or days until you both feel comfortable to move on.
Second, make sure the dog KNOWS the "Pecking Order" of your house. You are ALPHA dog, the next dominant dog if you have a second one is your BETA dog. However, treat the BETA dog as an ALPHA dog at all times. Give it treats first, feed first, anything first. This establishes the pecking order and stops the fighting between animals. They growl at eachother to establish dominance. This dog in training is NEVER going to be the dominate dog and it is dangerous for you try to change that.
Third, this is the hardest thing for me... EVERY TIME the dog rolls over on it's belly TURN IT OVER!!! I had to Grab BOTH Tail and HEAD and FLIP Shaggy onto ALL 4's. He tried to nip at me a few times but DO NOT Rub the dog UNLESS the dog is on it's feet!
This take lots of time and patience. This builds the dog's confidence up and makes it less submissive.
My dog Shaggy NOW jumps up on me and LOVES to be played with!!! It is remarkable the change. NO one recognized him based on his behavior. ALL the kids volunteer to walk him now that he is approachable and loveable. He even got trained to take Doggy Hugs!!! He jumps on me JUST to get a HUG!!!
It takes some effort but it is worth it. I have 4 dogs so the dominance thing is important in my household. They ALL share the SAME dish of Food!!!

[Cazi]

I have had Amber since she was 7 weeks old and, as far as I know, she had not received any form of bad treatment.

She is the most timid dog you can imaigine and I have only just learned the reason why. The answer is ME!

As you would with a child, I comforted her when she was scared. I have unwittingly taught her that being scared is good!

They often say that it's not the dog that needs the training, but the owner. It seems that I have proven the theory correct.

I now no longer comfort her when she shows signs of being scared ( usually when approached by people she doesn't know) and instead I only acknowledge her when she has relaxed. So, if she cowers away from people, I say nothing, if she lets them touch her then I praise her.

If she runs and hides when I get out the grooming brush, I ignore her where before I would spend a lot of time and treats trying to cajole her out of her 'safe haven'

Anyway, she is getting better, but it's not going to be an overnight thing.

Good luck!

[lute]

Beanie use to be the same way. he still puts his ears back and cowers,but it's not as bad as it used to be.

when i worked at the humane society in indiana there was a black heeler looking dog named scardy dog. he wouldn't let anyone near him. when people would walk by his kennel he would run to the back and shake. i felt so sorry for him that i spent most of my time in his kennel. i would just sit there and talk and sing to him. after about 4 days of this he finally come up to me and licked my hand. i still sat there for another 2 days and let him slowly come up to me and lay by me and lick my hand.

on the 7-8 day something WONDERFUL happend. when i walked by his kennel he jumped up and greeted me(WAGGING HIS TAIL) i took him outside and played with him. i formed a specail bond with Scardy dog. i couldn't have a second dog at the time though so i worked hard on finding him a rescue or adopter.

unfortinatly he wasn't adopted and was put to sleep. i feel terrible that he wasn't adopted and the only NICE person he knew was me. when i found out he was euthinized i wanted to cry. i hurried and grabbed a leash and a dog,went outside and balled my eyes out.

R.I.P. Scardy dog

[Tonya]

Thanks for the advice. I guess it's sort of like when my son starts crying over something lame, I normally acknowledge that he's upset, but I don't cater to it. I didn't think to do the same with Roxy.

It's wierd, because in some ways Roxy is a brave dog. She is my guard dog, she is the boss of Dusty, she isn't all that timid towards strangers, and she loves kids. But for some reason, she's wierd towards me. I've never laid hands on her or yelled at her. I guess she recognizes me as alpha and respects me a little to much?

[Glacier]

Originally posted by Tonya
But for some reason, she's wierd towards me. I've never laid hands on her or yelled at her. I guess she recognizes me as alpha and respects me a little to much?

It's a very positive sign that she responds well to so many other people and things. Much more hopeful that she'll make progress with you too. I doubt it's a matter of alpha status. I'd bet money that when Roxy was under 4 months old, someone who vaguely resembles you in some way, was mean to her. Dogs should receive most of their socialization under 4 months old. The things they learned then they don't forget, but they can overcome! I bet a woman was creul to Roxy. I have a couple dogs who are fine with my husband until he puts a ball cap on. Then they run and cower or bark incessantly at him. Someone in a hat was mean to Delta & Antare.

Personally, I don't put a whole lot of stock in the alpha thing. I have 21 dogs here and i've never actively enforced that I'm their alpha. I do lots of things they say you shouldn't--I feed them first, I step over them instead of making them move, I let them in and out of doorways before I go through, they sleep on the bed ect. But they all listen to me, respond when I call them, are generally well behaved and I can usually break up a fight just by screaming a few words I can't type on PT! They know who buys the dog food around here!