1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
> > Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
> > and presto! The blockage will be removed almost instantly
> >
> > 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables
> > get someone else to hold them while you chop away.
> >
> > 3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the
> > toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
> >
> > 4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
> > and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in
> > your veins.
> >
> > 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
> > will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
> > sleep when you hit the snooze button.
> >
> > 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
> > laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
> >
> > 7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a
> > hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
> >
> > Sometimes we Just Need to Remember
> > What The Rules of Life Really Are...
> >
> > You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
> > If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
> > If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
> >
> > The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship
are
> > "I apologize" and "You are right."
> >
> > Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
> >
> > Never pass up an opportunity to potty.
> >
> > If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations!
> > You have another chance!
> >
> > And Finally...
> > Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends.
> > You never know when you are going to need
> > them to empty your bedpan!
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