Idea for a story

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm really into writing, and I decided I wanted to write a story about the lifetime of a dog who has gone through shelters, emergency health situations, and finally finding the perfect family. I started it already, but it is only about a paragraph. Here's what I have so far.

Chapter 1: My First Glimpse of Life
Here I sit, soaked to the bone, as my mother gently cleanses my smooth silky fur. I was the last of my brothers and sisters pusehd through the birth canal, and I feel very small compared to some of them. I am positive I will most likely be a runt, because even now, I am having trouble finding a place to suckle. I slowly squirm my nose around my brothers and sisters desperately searching for something, anything. My brothers and sisters are very warm, and it comes as a comfort to me. I collapse onto their backs because I am becoming weak. I can't hear and I can't see and I am becoming afraid that I will never reach my destination. All of a sudden I feel a cold object nudging me forward. I soon realize it is my mother, pushing me along. She can tell that I am struggling, and I soon find a place to suckle. I relax between my brothers and sisters and drink until I fall asleep.


That's all I have so far. I am open to criticizing, please correct any mistakes.

[puppygrrl4eva7]

I think it sounds kind of weird when you say

I was the last of my brothers and sisters pusehd through the birth canal,

and also if you want all these events

I wanted to write a story about the lifetime of a dog who has gone through shelters, emergency health situations, and finally finding the perfect family

in one story you might not want to start it from when the pup was born, it would be a looong story to explain all of that. Just my 2 cents

[Soledad]

I think that starting with the birth is fine. Especially as so much is determined in development.

Sounds like you're off to a good start, you just need to keep going!

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Here's what I added.

Chapter 1: My First Glimpse of Life
Here I sit, soaked to the bone, as my mother gently cleanses my smooth silky fur. I was the last of my brothers and sisters to be born, and I feel very small compared to some of them. I am positive I will most likely be a runt, because even now, I am having trouble finding a place to suckle. I slowly squirm my nose around my brothers and sisters desperately searching for something, anything. My brothers and sisters are very warm, and it comes as a comfort to me. I collapse onto their backs because I am becoming weak. I can't hear and I can't see and I am becoming afraid that I will never reach my destination. All of a sudden I feel a cold object nudging me forward. I soon realize it is my mother, pushing me along. She can tell that I am struggling, and I soon find a place to suckle. I relax between my brothers and sisters and drink until I fall asleep.
The next few weeks speed up a little. We all become a little more active, and our eyes open. Soon we are all being scooped into a basket, and we are all climbing over the edges trying to see whats happening.
"What's goin' on, Levi?" Mika asked. Levi is my eldest brother, and the boss more or less. He had scrambled all the way to the top of the basket and looked like me might fall out.
"I see sumpthin... Guys!!!" he yelled.
"What???" we all chimed in at once.
Before he got the to answer us, he were out of the house, squinting our eyes because of the intense light. One by one we were being taken out of the basket, onto some green stuff.
"Tia??" I asked, looking for my sister. I found her and ran up to her. Everyone else was running amuk around the yard.
"Let's go, Ti." I said as I ran as fast as I could over to the others.
We all got to play around and we all began to follow Levi into the shrubs.
"I saw sumpthin... it went over there..." Levi said, and we all followed quietly into the shrubs. We came to a small opening between to shrubs and there stood the largest, meanest, ugliest thing I had ever seen. Levi pranced toward it, and barked at it to come and get him.
"Come on you stupid thing! Come show us what you got.." And so the thing did. It hissed at him and chased him out of the bushes. We all began laughing and peered our heads out of the bushes. Levi was running in circles around Mom, and Mom soon growled at the big monster, and it cowered and ran back to the bushes.
"Momma!!! What was that??" Zeus, another of my brothers, asked.
"That was Jo, the neighbors cat. She said.
"What's a cat?" I asked.
"Well Ari, they are like us, only smaller. Most cats don't like dogs. That's why she chased you, Levi, you provoked her." She said.
"I don't like cats... she's got a hairball for a brain, I think." Levi said, now pouncing on Mac ready to play.
Soon a whole bunch of children came in the yard and began to play with us. I saw one of them pick up Tia, and I tried as hard as I could to squirm away, and go over by her.
"TIA!!" I yelled.
Before I had to chance to get away from this kid, I heard the one holding Tia say, Mommy! I want this one! I wondered what it meant. Soon, they were walking away, with Tia in their arms, and she was crying.
"TIA!!" I screamed, but it was too late. She was being packed into a little box on wheels, and they drove away.
Finally the kid let go of me. I ran over to Mom and told her what happened.
"Momma! They took Tia away! Momma she's gone! Where'd she go??? When is she coming back??" I cried.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Chapter 1: My First Glimpse of Life
Here I sit, soaked to the bone, as my mother gently cleanses my smooth silky fur. I was the last of my brothers and sisters to be born, and I feel very small compared to some of them. I am positive I will most likely be a runt, because even now, I am having trouble finding a place to suckle. I slowly squirm my nose around my brothers and sisters desperately searching for something, anything. My brothers and sisters are very warm, and it comes as a comfort to me. I collapse onto their backs because I am becoming weak. I can't hear and I can't see and I am becoming afraid that I will never reach my destination. All of a sudden I feel a cold object nudging me forward. I soon realize it is my mother, pushing me along. She can tell that I am struggling, and I soon find a place to suckle. I relax between my brothers and sisters and drink until I fall asleep.
The next few weeks speed up a little. We all become a little more active, and our eyes open. Soon we are all being scooped into a basket, and we are all climbing over the edges trying to see whats happening.
"What's goin' on, Levi?" Mika asked. Levi is my eldest brother, and the boss more or less. He had scrambled all the way to the top of the basket and looked like me might fall out.
"I see sumpthin... Guys!!!" he yelled.
"What???" we all chimed in at once.
Before he got the to answer us, he were out of the house, squinting our eyes because of the intense light. One by one we were being taken out of the basket, onto some green stuff.
"Tia??" I asked, looking for my sister. I found her and ran up to her. Everyone else was running amuk around the yard.
"Let's go, Ti." I said as I ran as fast as I could over to the others.
We all got to play around and we all began to follow Levi into the shrubs.
"I saw sumpthin... it went over there..." Levi said, and we all followed quietly into the shrubs. We came to a small opening between to shrubs and there stood the largest, meanest, ugliest thing I had ever seen. Levi pranced toward it, and barked at it to come and get him.
"Come on you stupid thing! Come show us what you got.." And so the thing did. It hissed at him and chased him out of the bushes. We all began laughing and peered our heads out of the bushes. Levi was running in circles around Mom, and Mom soon growled at the big monster, and it cowered and ran back to the bushes.
"Momma!!! What was that??" Zeus, another of my brothers, asked.
"That was Jo, the neighbors cat. She said.
"What's a cat?" I asked.
"Well Ari, they are like us, only smaller. Most cats don't like dogs. That's why she chased you, Levi, you provoked her." She said.
"I don't like cats... she's got a hairball for a brain, I think." Levi said, now pouncing on Mac ready to play.
Soon a whole bunch of children came in the yard and began to play with us. I saw one of them pick up Tia, and I tried as hard as I could to squirm away, and go over by her.
"TIA!!" I yelled.
Before I had to chance to get away from this kid, I heard the one holding Tia say, Mommy! I want this one! I wondered what it meant. Soon, they were walking away, with Tia in their arms, and she was crying.
"TIA!!" I screamed, but it was too late. She was being packed into a little box on wheels, and they drove away.
Finally the kid let go of me. I ran over to Mom and told her what happened.
"Momma! They took Tia away! Momma she's gone! Where'd she go??? When is she coming back??" I cried.
"Ari, she's not coming back. She's being taken to a new home." she said. I could now see the look of sadness in her eyes. I came closer to her and layed down on her front paws.
"It'll be okay, Ari. Trust me, it will." She said, kissing me on my forehead. I stood up and walked over to the gate where she left. I sat there and stuck my nose between the fence posts and I could still faintly smell her scent. I whined and whined, maybe making myself think I could get her back, when I heard someone say my name.
"Ari!! ARI!" I looked up and it was Willow, my sister. She was being taken too.
One by one my sisters and brothers left... I stayed snuggled by my mother, and I whined and whined some more. I just wanted them to come back. I could tell my Mom was so sad, she layed in the same spot the whole time, not perking her ears when I came by and not even wagging her tail. Glory and I were the last pups left, and before I knew it, I was being packed up in a car. I cried as hard as I could for someone to come get me, because I didn't want to go. It was no use. I was being kidnapped from my family.

Chapter 2: The Garbers
The car drove on and on, until we got to my new house. The little boy who was holding me slipped on a collar and a leash, which I have never had on in my life. The car stopped and he open the door and plopped me on the ground. "Ari, Come." He said, tugging on my leash. This was all new to me, so I didn't know what to do, and I cowered on the ground, not moving. "ARI!" He yelled. I cowered even lower. Please don't hurt me. All I want is my mother back. I said to myself. He tugged on the leash one last time and it was so painful to my neck I had no choice but to get up. He brought me to his backyard, and tied me to this small post. He stood there and looked at me and said, "Ari, be a good girl."
I sat there and watched him leave me alone outside. Hmm.. okay, I'll take this time to walk around, get to know my surroundings. I thought to myself. The leash only went about 5 feet all the way around, so I had a little 10 foot circle, all mine. It was mostly dirt, with a few patches of grass here and there. No doghouse. Where was I supposed to stay? I look through the patio door and saw a cat curled up on the hearth in front of the fireplace. My heart sunk. Why would they leave me outside? I asked myself. I layed down on the dirt and watched them all inside eating dinner. I whined a few times, trying to catch their attention. No such luck. I soon fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night to rain.

[Soledad]

You have amazing writing skills for someone your age!! You should keep writing this and maybe ask your English teacher for any advice he/she might have. Keep it up!!

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Thanks.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

***UPDATE***

The next day I woke up, still somewhat wet, and very muddy. The boy, whom I recently found out is named Jason, came out and took me for a walk. I was so happy to finally get off that stupid post in the back yard. Unfortunately, the walk wasn't as nice as I had planned.
He took me over to his friends house and they had a dog there, too! I was so excited to have someone to play with. Their dog was big, and Jason's friend told me his name was Tipper. I wandered over by Tipper and got into play position.
"C'mon Tipper, will ya play with me?" I asked him kindly.
"NO!" He barked at me, scaring me. I cowered on the floor again, and wandered over to Jason, who was sitting on the floor with Kevin, his friend. They were playing this game, so I crawled up on his lap.
"Ari, go on." He said pushing me off his lap. I tumbled onto the floor and looked at him with my puppy dog eyes. I barked at him to show him my anger.
"ARI! QUIET!" he yelled at me, so I retreated over to the corner. I layed down on the pillow that must have been Tipper's, because as soon as he saw me lay down, he got up and came over to me, bearing his teeth.
"I-I-I'm sorry..." I said as I tried to tiptoe around him to get out of his way. He snarled at me and bit me. I yelped in pain, and Jason turned around.
"They're just playin' Kev, their okay." he said. The truth was, I wasn't okay. I limped over to the door and sat down, looking at my leg. I saw some blood. He must have bit me hard enough to cut me open. I tried to lay down, but I felt a sharp pain in my leg. I cried and cried, and finally Jason came over. My spirit lifted, but as soon as it rised, it came back down. All he did was put me on my lease and drop me out the door. He tied me to the door post and went back in.
I sat there and wondered what would become of me. Here I am, 3 months old, tied to a post, bleeding. I tugged and tugged on my leash that was tied around the post and to my surprise, it came loose. I slowly started down the driveway towards the neighbors house. When we were walking to Kevin's I noticed a girl probably 16 years old with her puppy. I hoped she would help. I saw her sitting on the step by her house and I let out a cry. She had to know something was wrong, I mean, I was covered in mud and I was bleeding.
Sure enough, she ran over to me, and picked me up carefully. I whimpered, because my leg still hurt. She kissed me on the forehead, just like my mother had.
"What happened to you?" She asked me, carrying me into her house.
"Mom, we need to take this puppy to a doctor. He's bleeding." she said, looking over to her mother. Her mom came over, and carefully stroked my head. In all my days at Jason's, I had never felt so happy. I readjusted myself in the girls arms and layed my head on her shoulder.
We got into her car and we drove about 15 minutes to this new place I had never been to before. We walked in and I immediately knew this was somewhere I didn't want to be. I cried and tried to get loose, but the Amanda held me tight.
"It's okay sweetie... It's okay." she said petting me. I knew she had to be right. She wouldn't hurt me.
Soon we were ushered into a room with a big shiney table. Amanda set me down on the table and stooped to my height.
"It's okay. She's gonna help you, okay?" she said, then she stood up again, and walked towards the door. I cried and wanted her to come back.
"Ma'am? I think it would be best if you stayed. The pup will remain calm if you are here." The white coated lady said to Amanda.
"Can I mom?" she asked.
"Go ahead. I will wait in the lobby, okay?" she said, petting me on the head quick before she left the room.

[RockyRoad]

Wow!! That is a great story so far. You write really good, and you are great at getting inside the puppy's head and seeing things as he would.

[HoRsELUvR]

I also like how you are writing from the puppy's point of view.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

*Bumperooniez*

[CamCamPup33]

im waiting for more! its soo good and i want to hear the rest!! please please write some more!!

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Here's the addition.. not much.

*****
"Well," the doctor said. "I think her leg is broken, and she has a tiny cut on her side. We'll take her in and put a cast on and stitch up that cut. Your dog will be fine." She said smiling.
"She's not mine." Amanda said. My heart sank. I so wanted to be with her, and live with her and her puppy. "But I will take care of her until we find her owner." she said, smiling at me. My heart lifted a little, but I knew that Jason would come and get me sooner or later.
The vet took me unwillingly into the back. She layed me on an even colder table and I jumped a little from the coldness. She put a mask on me and I soon began drifting off to sleep.

I was romping around with my brothers and sisters. It was a beautiful spring day and we were all outside again. Levi had just been chased by Jo and we were all headed toward Mom. We all got a few feet away and she began disapearing right before our eyes. We got closer and she was gone. We all looked at each other and began to cry. "MOMMA!!" Willow, Mika, and Mac all yelled. I stopped and sat down. I saw kids coming. "Run guys, RUN!" I yelled. We all began running and hid beneath the bushes. One by one they grabbed us all and took us away....

"Wake up, sweetie..." the doctor was saying. I opened my eyes and felt a sharp pain shoot through my leg. There was a large pink thing on my leg, which I assumed was the cast she had mentioned earlier. She scratched behind my ears and soon Amanda came back in. I thumped my tail on the ground as she neared.
*****

The italicized part is meant to be Ari's dream...

[pitc9]

Yes Yes.....I'm waiting to hear more too!!
Great Job!! I'm crying!!!!!

[CamCamPup33]

oh gosh amanda better take her!! rotten jason!! ppsstt! more!! muwahwha!