I have this list printed out and on my fridge
1. Kitchen Closed - this chick has had it!!
2. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!
3. I'm creative, you can't expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn't Home Sweet Home...Adjust!
5. Ring bell for Maid Service, if no answer, DO IT YOURSELF!
6. I clean house every other day, today is the other day!
7 If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
8. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
11. Home Cooking -- like mother used to do before cigarettes and soap operas!
12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
13. If you don't like my standards of cooking, lower your standards!
14. Apology: although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, Sit Down, converse. It doesn't always look like this, some days it's even worse!
15. Emergency Numbers:
Pizza ----- 604-873-9517
Chinese --604-555-1234
Deli---------604-523-0279
Grandma--604-879-9856
16. Dull women have immaculate houses.
17. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious!
18. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast and cheap!
19. Help keep the kitchen clean, eat out!
20. Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and have gone on to lead normal lives.
21. My next house will have no kitchen ---just vending machines!
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I love you always and forever 
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