Went to a funeral today

[wolf_Q]

I hate funerals. My grandpa passed away last Wednesday. I had a hard time accepting it...that's just the way I am, I just kind of bottle things up inside. Well, with a funeral, there's no real way around accepting the truth, even if it is hard.

Some people did not make it any easier for me. My aunt and cousin took cameras to both the viewing and the funeral. Would this bother anyone else??? They were taking snap shots of both my Grandpa and people standing there...everything...I don't know, but it really made me mad. I never want a viewing. What would you DO with those photographs anyway?

Also my uncle came up to me and basically told me at the viewing that I HAD to go over there, and it was better for me, blah blah, and he'd hold my hand and blah blah. I'm not a child!! I just did not feel comfortable at the time, especially with the cameras around. I did go over later, when it was only my parents there.

And at the actual funeral, my uncle gave this horrible talk. He actually started it out with "Well, the church handbook said..." and basically gave a church lecture that had nothing to do with my Grandpa. It was dry and heartless. I'm glad my dad and others were able to give some beautiful and meaningful speeches/performances....even if they did make me cry.

My Grandpa was a great man, and I'm really going to miss him. He was always the big funny guy who always had a grin and a hug ready. I'll never forget his homemade jerky and all those great camping trips we had together. He even liked the dogs, even if he did catch Smokey with a velveeta cheese fishhook (accident), call Reggie "Griff" (another schnauzer we had), and pull Nebo's big fluffy tail.

Anyway...sorry I'm rambling on here....I just need to "talk" to someone...thanks Pet Talk.

p.s. attached is an old pic of me with my Grandpa and Smokey camping.

[Nomilynn]

I'm very sorry about your loss. When my great aunt died, someone brought a camera "because it's the only place we can all get together!" I wasn't at that service, because it was very sudden, but in all the pictures the people looked horrid. My grandma said after that, "I sure hope no one takes pictures at mine!" and she ended up dying around four years later. I remembered her words and we were able to respect her wishes. Some of her family was ill and couldn't fly out, so we agreed that JUST the speeches by the minister could be videotaped, but even that was a hard compromise for me. We didn't have a viewing, and I'm glad. It was hard enough having to be the one to find her in her bed, where she died, I dind't want to see her at the funeral. She didn't want that either.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. Know that we PTers are always here to listen

(((((((HUGS)))))))

[popcornbird]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I was wondering why you weren't on PT much lately, but now I understand. It is never easy to lose such a grandparent, and from the picture, it seems that you were very close. Remember the good times you had together. I have already lost all 4 of my grandparents. I know how you feel. May the rest of your family, friends, and pups bring you comfort through this difficult and sad time.

Ps. If you don't mind me asking, was it your maternal grandpa or paternal?

[Fuzzy317]

I am sorry for your loss. I am lucky to still have one grandparent, my grandfather (on mom's side) will be 88 y/o in July.

I don't recall video recorders or cameras at the funerals I have gone to. They may have been there, I just don't recall seeing any

For me, pictures are for events I want to remember, or be reminded of, a funeral is not what I want to remember. I want to see memories of good times.

I have told my family many times, that I want to be cremated (sp?), and my ashes sprinkled a place I frequent. I will have to add no cameras.

[Ann]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I also lost my grandpa recently so I know how much it really hurts.

[Miss Meow]

I'm sorry about your grandpa, Amy.

It's upsetting that your uncle tried to force you to see your grandpa at the viewing. It's such a highly personal and emotive thing and only you will know if you're strong enough for that.

I went to a friend's grandma's funeral last Friday and the service was gorgeous. The minister told the stories with emotion and enthusiasm, and spoke with honesty about her failing body and mind and escaping the horrors of dementia. All of us cried our eyes out. I'm glad your family were able to speak as well to make up for your uncle.

At my gran's funeral the chapel had a big screen at the front with the details broadcast on a Powerpoint presentation. I was furious, it was so tacky.

Look after yourself.

[jenluckenbach]

first I'd like to express my deep sympathies in your loss. But second I'd just like to state that people grieve differently. If a picture of the deceased will bring comfort to someone (even if it is only 1 person) try not to begrudge them that.

[neko1]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. On march 12, it will be a year ago that my grandmother died. We were very close, so I know how you feel.
As far as the photos are concerned, that's kinda gross to me. I used to work at a photo store printing pictures all day and no offense or anything but photo store people really dont' wanna see that kinda thing. It's really disturbing to see.

[anna_66]

I know how it is, I've lost both my grandparents, on both sides & has Mark.
As for the camera thing, my family is like that too, so I guess I'm just used to it. I do have some pictures like that, but I never look at them, kinda stupid to have them hu? But I just can't seem to throw them away.

[lynnestankard]

{{{{{Oh Amy}}}}}

I'm so sorry for you - losing grandparents is a difficult time for any grandchild - I'm just pleased that your grandpa was so special to you and loved you so much - you've got such happy memories to look back on - your so lucky. I'm not being heartless, but in years to come those lovely memories will still be with you.
I've never known anyone take a camera or video to a funeral - to my way of thinking it's bad taste. I'm sorry you found it hard, that's the way of funerals - even though I'm an old lady(!) - I find funerals terribley hard to cope with.
Remember to mourn and grieve your much loved Grandpa as much as you want - no two people grieve the same way - do what-ever you feel right doing. Your in my thoughts sweetheart - hugs coming across the miles {{{{{}}}}}.

Lynne

[moosmom]

Amy,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandpa. Whoever brought in the camera was tacky. I don't know of anyone who'd want their picture taken after they're gone.

I know that when my Dad died, I made it a celebration of his life. I asked everyone to feel free to come up and talk about him, or remember a particular time that means the most to them. Everyone got up and said something particularly meaningful to them. Everyone except my brother. But that is a whole different story.

Please take care of yourself and know that we are all here for you.

(((((((hugs)))))))))))

[Tina]

Amy
I'm so sorry hear about the loss of your grandpa I know it has to be really hard. I know I'd be upset myself if someone brought a camera to my grandpa's funeral.

Before one of my neighbors died he had a picture from his son's funeral I thought it was awful. It was just plain sick.

((Hugs To You)) And always remember that we will always be here to talk to.

[Dixieland Dancer]

I am sorry to hear about your Grandpa, Amy. I am sure those with cameras had the right intentions but it is a little unethical in my mind too. It would of made me upset the same way it did you. There is a time for everything and this wasn't the time for cameras.

I like to remember people in happy times not sad ones. I am glad your grandpa got a eulogy from you dad that was fitting. Talking just to use up time is another upsetting thing at a funeral. I want people to talk about the person and what they meant and what a difference they made by being alive. Not just meaningless words that could be used to speak of anyone.

I am glad you thought enough of your Pet Talk family to share your sorrows with us. I personally want to offer you a cyber hug.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Sudilar]

{{{HUG}}}
Amy, I'm so sorry about your Grandpa. He sounds like he was one remarkable man!!! You were lucky to have him and remember the good times you had.

Sometimes people think they are helping, when, in fact, they are not. I'm sure your relatives had good intentions. Please forgive them.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

Oh, Amy, I'm sooo sorry, to hear about your dear Grandpa! I didn't even get to meet my dad's mom. I'm so sorry.