Need some advice

[aly]

Ok guys, I got a little situation here. For those of you who don't know Lolly's history, I'll give a brief rundown. She was abused for 5 years by the man who owned her. I am not sure if the wife did too, but she let it happen obviously, which I think is just as bad. Well when the two got a divorce, the woman moved somewhere where she couldn't have pets, and their 5 dogs were almost shot to death by the man then ended up in 3 different shelters.

Anyway, my supervisor at the shelter knows the woman who owned Lolly, and the woman wants to see her again. I told my supervisor I'd bring pictures and think about the visit. I don't know about it at all. I wonder if it will be good for Lolly or tramatic. I wonder if that woman is going to try to take her from me? I'm scared

[Logan]

Pictures, Aly......and maybe you could email her to tell her about Lolly, but this is like adopting a child to me. Once its done, its done, and its better for everyone involved, especially you and Lolly, not to go there anymore.

[3-greys-and-a-mutt]

Lolly doesn't need to see this person. If it doesn't frighten her, it will, at the very least, confuse her. This woman gave up her rights to Lolly. I agree with Logan - you 'adopted' Lolly, case closed.
This woman can deal with a few pictures but doesn't really need anything else.

Lolly is your baby girl now - don't let anyone pressure you into thinking this woman has any right to her.

[RachelJ]

I agree with Logan. In no way is seeing this woman going to be "good for Lolly". Based on what you said, this woman abandoned her furkids with an abuser, to say nothing of what she allowed during the time they were living together. I don't think you owe this person anything except to say that Lolly is thriving under your care. Your supervisor knows you, so she can tell her that herself. I know I am sounding harsh, but that is just how this situation strikes me.

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Aly, I agree with everybody, don't get involved in this situation, Lolly is your baby now, the lady should have thought about her dogs a long time ago. Pictures only.
Jackie

[sammi]

I agree don't let her visit with Lolly. I think a couple of pictures would be fine (can your superv. be the go between?) She might be feeling guilty and by word of mouth and a picture she will see how well Lolly is loved. Don't get involved anymore than that.

[Rottie]

I would not take Lolly to see this woman. You don't know what could happen, she could try to take Lolly back, or it could be really confusing or traumatic for Lolly. I would show the woman a few pictures, and tell her that Lolly is adjusting fine and is a wonderful little dog. And that's it!

[lizbud]

Aly,
What a strange situation to be put into...
Your idea of offering a few pictures,but
only thinking about a visit is very sensible.
Most abusers use abuse, or threats of abuse
of family pets ,to cower everyone else in the
family.This woman might have lived thru her
own 'private hell' for those 5 years.
If your supervisor knows her, ask what kind
of person they think she is.
Lolly is your baby now,and this woman(good or
bad) has no rights to her at all. Liz

[ October 31, 2001: Message edited by: lizbud ]

[ October 31, 2001: Message edited by: lizbud ]

[Angels3]

I agree with Logan & everyone else. who've given really good advice. The past should be kept as distant as possible in this case.

[DNova]

Ditto!

[mugsy]

My opinion is that if the woman sat back and allowed the abuse to happen,she has NO rights to see, hear about, or see pictures of, or anything. She is no better than the abuser if she allowed it to happen. Enablers are no better than the guilty party. Ok, I'm off my soap box now. Sorry if I came on too strong. I just spouted off my opinion, but you need to do what you feel is right, you're the one in the situtation, not me.

[sammi]

I feel about the same as Lizbud that maybe this women had her own abuse and had no way to help the dog or dogs. I have never been in that situation but if that was the case she would know that Lolly is safe at last. This was brought up before about dumping pets and I remembered that someone said that sometimes the person who is being abused can only protect the pets by getting them out of the house anyway they can. But I wouldn't let her she Lolly in person.

[kobieeli]

Everyone appears to be unanimous on this one, but I still feel the urge to chime in... PICTURES ONLY! What is this lady thinking? It's too late to try to rebond with Lolly if she's trying to assuage her own guilt. She needs to move on.

[delidog]

i agree with everybody...pics only...however...as i too work at a shelter...let the shelter be the moderator!!! do not send anything with your name and address on it or phone num....you want no ramifications....i have seen this in the past...put some photos in an envelope with no return address or the shelters' address...don't put any comments...mail from the shelter or another location so that your post mark is not on it....she has no rights to lolly!!!!! and you do not want her finding her!!!!!!!you love your baby lolly...she did not!!!! the deli dog

[Pam]

Aly I agree with everyone here. Pictures and nothing more and let the shelter handle it. Anything more would just confuse Lolly and maybe even set her back. Like Delidog said don't let your name, address or phone number be given out under any circumstances. Lolly is happy and loved now and she deserves to be able to hold onto her happiness.