When is the right time?

[bnormal]

Since Quincey died yesterday my wife and I are terribly distraught. The house is so quiet and anything we do just reminds us of our sweet boy and out flow the tears. Callihan is walking around the house looking for his brother and can't figure out where he is at. My wife and I have always poured a bunch of love out on both of these boys and now we are pouring out twice as much to Callihan. I just don't see how we can ever go back to being normal.

I've discussed getting another Doberman puppy with my wife explaining that a new puppy might divert some of this agony and help her and I as well as Callihan. She is reluctant because she fears she will be "replacing" Quincey. I've told her that nothing will replace Quincey in our hearts.

Does a new puppy help in this situation?

When is the right time to discuss this?

When is the right time to get a new puppy?

When exactly does the sobbing stop?

[Uabassoon]

The right time will be up to you, you'll know when you are ready. For some people they are ready for a new pet right away and others need a lot more time. After my cat Zasper died I got another cat shortly after. I wasn't trying to replace Zasper, but I needed another cat to love and to love me in return. It helped me a lot, I didn't cry as much and I was finally able to have good memories of Zasper. WHen the kitten would play I would remember Zasper playing. I hope things go well for you and you feel better soon.

[ramanth]

You'll know in your heart when you are ready for another fur companion. But do know that you are not replacing Quincy and he'll hold no ill will towards you at the Rainbow Bridge.

Think of it instead of getting a new playmate for Callihan.

The sobbing will ease with time. *hugs*

When we lost our cat Sable, we could tell Nike was just as depressed as we were. He moped around the house and so some weeks after we lost Sable, my parents decided we should get a companion for him. And so Reebok and Converse came into our lives.

As we made new memories with the kittens, we were reminded of all the good times we had with Sable. In fact, he is like a guardian cat watching over all of our furbabies.

My sympathies to you and yours.

[anna_66]

I agree with Kimmy, you wouldn't be replacing him, just getting an addition to your family, and a playmate for Callihan. It took us a while to comprehend this. But I'm so glad we got Roxey. We didn't go out looking for another dog, it just happened. We didn't even think we wanted another dog, getting attached again, just to go through the pain of losing them. But all the good times are worth it.

You'll know when it's right, and you'll fall in love all over again when you find the right one.

Last year when our chow Keisha died, we thought we were going to loose Angus too. He just moped around like he lost his best friend. And I guess he did. They grew up together from puppies.

And the sobbing....I don't think it really ever ends, you just have to learn to live with the loss. I still think of Keisha, almost every day & still cry for her.

I hope things get easier for the both of you.

[sammi]

Like others have said you will feel when its right. You will never replace your Quincy and he would want you to give your love to another pup.
Make sure you and your wife are both ready to get a new dog when the time is right - you also need time to adjust to loosing Quincy. The pain will get less. Think of the good memories. For some getting a new pet right away really helps- for some feel resentment toward a new dog right away and keep comparing it to the dog they had.
I hope it all works out for you and you have my sympathy in the loss of your dear Quincy.

[jenluckenbach]

Timing.....Only you can answer that. But I personally always found that a new addition helped me get past the grief so I could get on with the precious memories (of the dearly departed.)

[Tucker216]

Listen to your heart and dont rush yourselves. We made the mistake of trying to force ourselves right away. My husband was desperate to help me.. to try and mend my heart when I lost Jake and we adopted 2 lil baby girls. I only had them a week when I had to have them both put down due to distemper and parvo. Later I realized that I had not grown attatched to them in a week as I had with Jake and I know it was because I just wasnt ready. It was several months later when what I believe in my heart was Jake leading me to Tucker and my heart has started healing. Next month it will be a year since I lost Jake and sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday The first one we adopted after we were married was Pebbles and we had her for 13 years.. it took us 2 years to be able to bring ourselves to adopt again. So just listen to your hearts and give yourselves time to grieve.. there is no shame in that. when I posted here before I left a link to Jakes Story. It took me awhile to write that and it took a lot of tears to complete it but it was worth it in the end. I sat back and read it and realized all that Jake gave to me in such a short time. So you might try that.. Just sit down and start to write. Start at the begining middle or end.. it does not matter.. just put your memories into words and share them. Cry your eyes out while writting it dont matter either because by sitting down and writting it out will bring back the good times and the laughs you had, it will help to focus on all the happy times and in that you can celebrate life and know that it is ok to let go and that your baby is not really gone! You still have the leasons learned and the love in your heart!

Hugz and understanding
Jessica

[ChrisH]

I agree, you will know when it is the right time. Whether now or later you won`t be replacing Quincey, he will always be in your heart as the unique boy he was, rather you will have another pup with his own personality and his own corner of your heart. I know that is how its been for me.
Just thinking back I think I tried all three ways, not getting another dog, getting one almost straight away and waiting a little while. We had our GSD Duke and our mix dog Blue when our Dobie Prince had to be put to sleep, while not yet a year old, and we got another Dobie, our Max, about a month later. When Blue was put to sleep we didn`t get another dog. Nor when Duke died. We then became and stayed a one dog family.
I was living a whole new different life by the time I lost my beloved Max, I was a widow, out at work, my son grown with a wife and one year old daughter, a whole family of his own. It was so hard for me then, coming home to an empty house, no Max to greet me. After after a few weeks or so I couldn`t stand the emptiness any longer, I got a 6 month old female GSD, Penny. She became very precious to me and helped me to live without Max. When I lost her I wasn`t at all sure about getting another dog at all, just the thought of going through that pain yet again at some point in the future. But life without a dog was just too empty for me so after a couple of months I got my Bob.

Sobbing, when does that stop? Give it time, it will. But you will always cry for your Quincey, not all the time, but every now and again something will remind you of him and you will shed a tear. But there wil be smiles there too, when you remember some of his ways and antics. He will always live in your heart.

My thoughts are with you and your wife, and for Callihan too. Hold on to each other.
Love and hugs, lots of them.

[bnormal]

ChrisH, don't know if you'll remember this or not but a few months ago you posted "anyone own a doberman". I replied that I didn't own a dobie but their were 2 in the next room that owned me...do you remember that?

Later I posted how your story touched me and how I couldn't imagine living without my 2 boys. Well my beautiful boy Quincey died yesterday. I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

I don't even know what to say

Thanks everyone for your responses and help.

[Sudilar]

I am so sorry for your great loss of Quincey. It feels like your heart has been ripped from your body. It feels like you are empty. It feels like you can't go on and you don't want to. The tears flow like rivers. Quincey has taken a bit of your heart with him. As the days go on, it gets a little better. Soon you will know when it is time to add another to your family. You honor Quincey by doing this. No other dog will be Quincey. Another dog will help you by keeping you busy and making you laugh again. May I suggest a rescue? Then you would even be saving a life. In time, you will be able to welcome another furbaby into your life, but Quincey will live on in your heart forever.

[ChrisH]

Yes, I do remember very well. I did not mention it because I wasn`t sure if you a did and I did not want to remind you. I cried when I read about Quinceys death and I have been thinking of you a awful lot since.
I wrote the earlier post in this thread with an account of my experiences in the hope that it would help. But it IS only time that can do it, time and tears. And, yes, where that piece is torn away from your heart will always hurt, but believe me, it will lessen to an small ache, just enough to remind you now and again. You will get through, Callihan will help you, hug him tight.

Love
Chris.

Message or e-mail me anytime if feel it will help. I can only come online in the evenings (my time) and weekends, so I will only get any messages at that time, but I will get back to you as soon as I can for sure. Hugs.

[bnormal]

ChrisH, thanks so much. It is just so tough right now. I haven't had to go through something like this since I was a kid. It just seems so senseless. My wife and I are both still in shock. We just can't believe that it has happened.

Callihan will get a big hug from you.

Bob is a beautiful boy.

Brad, Jennie and Callihan love you and thank you.

[Logan]

It's so hard, and we all just feel for you and your family.

I had some warning before I lost my Kaycee (Cocker Spaniel). We knew we were fighting a terrible problem with congestive heart failure and that one day she would succomb to it. In speaking with my veterinarian about it, and the fact that I had a young child (7 years old at that time), we decided that bringing another dog into the house before something happened to Kaycee might be the best thing. That's when Honey came. She was a precious puppy and so gentle with Kaycee, and made losing Kaycee, not easy, but much more bearable. In fact, the day after Kaycee died, my good friend's Golden had a litter of puppies, and I committed to another one that very day, and Lilly joined us 6-7 weeks later. You never replace that special pet, but many people (like me) handle the loss better by having another pet to love.

I wish you nothing but the best when making your decision. Something tells me you'll know when its time.

Logan

[Britt]

I'm so sorry for your losses. When I lost my Doggie Toby I was soooo sad. We were going to go on a trip and we needed someone to doggiesit Toby, so my dad's friends agreed to doggiesit Toby for us. Just before they came to pick Toby up I kept feeling really worried like something was going to happen to Toby... But my mom and dad kept telling me he was going to be fine. A little while later they came and picked him up, I remember Toby in the back of their car looking at me as if to say don't make me go, just as the car went down the road. A couple of hours later just as we were packing for the trip, we got a phone call from them saying that Toby ran away from them.... They lived in a farm out in the country. Apparently Toby peed in their house so they gave him a smack on the bum and sent him outside- WITHOUT A LEASH! They have a dog and my dad seen them punish it before and they just woop the dog so hard... and thats what they probibly did to poor Toby. Anyway, we went there to help search for Toby, but we never found him. The next day we went on the trip. The whole way i was soo sad! A couple of days later they phoned us on the cell and told us that they had found Toby on the side of the road dead, but I don't beleive that! i think that they were too lazy to search for him anymore so they just told us a lie to not have to search anymore. I hope Toby found a home and is happy now. i don't beleive he died... but he's gone They never once said sorry to me at all for loosing my dog! My dad took them to court a while after a few times... he won. but Toby will never be replaced by a wining argument in court! he will always be remembered! When we got back from our trip I kept expecting toby to come greet me at the door, but it never happened. Well there's my story of what happened to my lil babes! I wish he was still here... When I got Tibbee I kept feeling like I was being unfaithful to toby because it looked like I was replacing him, but i knew in my heart I could never replace him, but I love Tibbee and I know tibbee will never be like toby but I know tibbee is not toby and that I love tibbee because of his own personality!

[turner]

You will know in your heart when its time to get another pup. And don't feel that you are replacing Quincey! Quincey will always be in your hearts.

I had a pup when I was younger. I still remember the day I got her and that was 18yrs or more ago. I saw a little black pup in the paper "SPCA Dog of the Week" and I wanted him. My mom and dad took me too the SPCA and I saw him and he was cute and playful....all that a puppy could be but something told me to keep looking, so I went thru all the kennels. There she was sitting in her cage, very quiet. She was white and tan and sooo very cute! I sat down right in front of her kennel and stuck my hand in....a lady came by and said "Oh don't stick your hand in the cage, she might bite you" I told her that no she won't cause she's my dog! I wouldn't move for fear someone else might get her first. My mom and dad came around the corner and I burst out "I want this puppy, this is the only pup I want" We took her home and I named her Trixie! She lived for 17years and then had to be put down just because of old age. I still remember her to this day and though I love my Phoebe and Deisel very very much and couldn't imagine my life without them, Trixie will never be replaced. She was after all one of a kind!!!!