Being Neighborly?

[Cookiebaker]

So, a little background first....I grew up on Long island, and lived in a very tight knit neighborhood. There were probably close to 50 houses up and down our street, but we knew most of them by name. [I babysat for every single family on our street at one time or another, so if they had kids, I knew them!]

So, I got married and moved to New England, and 10 years ago, we bought a house in New Hampshire. We live in the country, and we can see probably 5 houses from where we live, but there are houses further up our road. And it hit me really hard today, that in 10 years I do not even know our neighbor's names. We were out raking, and our neighbor came out and started raking his lawn too. At one point, we were no more than 10' apart, and I waved and started to say hi; and he diverted his eyes and walked away.

The people 2 houses down have little kids (Lydia's age) but they never return a wave or say hello to us.

The thing is, we have always been friendly, and earlier this summer our next door neighbor had a medical crisis in their house, and they came and got my husband for help (he went over there and called 911 for them). We are always friendly when we do happen to see them (wave, say hello etc).

So my question is, is this a cultural thing? What is it like in your area? Are people kind and neighborly? Do you feel like you can ask for a 'cup of sugar' if you needed one? Is it just me because I'm started to feel a complex coming on. haha

[Sirrahsim]

The only reason I know ANY of my neighbors is because our sewer lines always back up at the same time. I know them by sight and will wave if I see them but I have no idea what their names are

[prechrswife]

We know our neighbors, but not well. One of our next door neighbors is an elderly lady who most often communicates with us to voice her displeasure at our using the outdoor light over our garage, which we have used maybe 3 times in 2 years.

[DJFyrewolf36]

I am fortunate to be on friendly terms with both of my neighbors in my building. We often sit outside and chat for an hour or two if we spot each other coming in from work and one neighbor is involved in music projects and we are getting more involved as well. The whole neighborhood for the most part is a friendly place where people will say hello and wave when you're walking down the street and the clerks at the local mini mart know who I am

I think this neighborhood has retained a lot of the friendliness from the days before paranoia took over a lot of peoples minds. I feel blessed to be in such a nice area.

ETA: One of my neighbors even loaned me gas money when I was short due to missing work because of the flu. Now thats what I call neighborly!!

[aTailOf2Kitties]

I can see about 8 houses from my front porch. One neighbor is my bf's high school buddy we hang out with regularly. Girl on the other side went to school with me but I don't see her much. I smile and wave when I do, though. 2 houses down works where I do so know her and her family. Those are the only few people out of all of those houses I'd ever recognize.

I wonder if it is a sign of the times. My parents live on a cove with maybe 11 houses on it and we used to know everyone in the neighborhood as I was growing up. As time passed some moved out and new folks came in so much that ony their 2 original neighbors still live on the cove. Today we just so happened to run across a guy that used to live a couple houses down like 15 years ago and my dad mentioned to him that they haven't met any of the newer residents. Odd thing was, the guy we saw today wasn't really sociable when he lived there.

[Karen]

I grew up in a smaller town. We all knew each other's names, and families, and there were lots of kids. Now we live in a big city, but in a neighborhood that doesn't feel very city-like. I find that if you want to know your neighbors, you have to put yourself out there. After we bought this house, which Aunt Bertha owned before us, every time I would drive down the street, I would wave to people. I introduced myself to anyone who walked by. I talked to the children, and when we got Miss Hoppy, introduced her around. Now 12+ years later, everyone still waves back, and I know most people by sight, even if I don't know all their first and last names.

And the kids next door all know me well, and in fact,, I have lent their mom sugar, and before they passed away, the elderly couple on the other side made peanut butter fudge for me one time when I shoveled their walk after a bad storm.

Time to be proactive! Take a walk some nice autumn day, and go to the house with the little kids and introduce yourself and Lydia, and ask their names, it cannot hurt!

[pomtzu]

I seem to be in the same boat that you're in, Cookiebaker.

I'm in the country - bought a 2 acre parcel almost 40 years ago and built on it. It used to be farmland that was divided up and sold in 2, 5, and 10 acre parcels. We were the first here on the north end, and then eventually people bought around us and built also. We've had neighbors come and go over the years, and those that are here now, I don't even know. On one side is a couple with married kids and grandkids living with them. Nice enough folks, but don't even know their names. An occasional hello or wave is the extent of it. We were friendly with those that lived there previously - 2 spinsters - but they have both passed on. On the other side is a family of redneck hillbillies that I don't know, nor do I care to know. They have lived there for several years and I've only spoken to the woman once when I caught her dog that had gotten loose.

If I lived in an area where the neighbors were closer, then I don't doubt that I would know more people, but I don't have a problem with the way things are here. I like my privacy and not having someone live so close, that I can hear when they flush their toilet!

[Aspen and Misty]

I live in a small town of about 2,500. There isn't another town for at least 4 hours and it's in another country (Canada) so everyone here pretty much knows everyone else. Our neighbor’s to the right of us own the only video rental store in town and the guy on the other side of us is a fisherman. If we are outside in the yard playing fetch with the dogs sometimes the neighbor's dog wanders over and will join in before his "mom" finds out. Everyone is really friendly and I would feel comfortable asking my neighbors for a "cup of sugar", lol. When we moved into this house our neighbors came over and introduced themselves, it was the same way at my last rental.

Ashley

[Pam]

I think this is a great idea for a thread. It will be interesting to see more replies from all over the country and even beyond. I grew up on a street where everyone knew everyone. No one's mom worked so the kids and moms all knew each other and it was almost like a very large family.

I now live in South Jersey (10 miles from Philly) in a typical suburban neighborhood. We have been here 30 years now and, believe it or not, many of the original people are still here. When we moved in, back in the winter of 1979, the neighborhood was brand new construction and many of us had small children and we sort of got to know everyone through our kids being outside riding bikes and playing, etc.

Over time some have moved away and the original children (mine included) have grown up and gotten married and moved away. I have no idea who the new neighbors are, however my immediate neighbors are of the original group like me. I think that today with both parents usually working there just isn't time for socializing any more. I also have noticed that kids no longer play outside and are probably inside with TV or computers so they may not even have relationships with each other except at school. It's a shame but that is the way it is. People come home from work, go inside and you don't see them again until the next morning when they leave for work and come home again.

The time when we all do seem to congregate outside these days is after a big snowstorm. Everyone comes outside to shovel for a couple of hours (and often no one can go anywhere LOL!) so we catch up that way, with snow shovel in hand. I think it may just be a sign of the times.

Anna I think the neighbor that didn't even acknowledge you when you were within 10' of him is just rude and someone you wouldn't want to have much to do with anyway. I would be delighted to have you as a neighbor. He doesn't know what he is missing.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

When we lived in the city (Denver), I found people were friendlier, because we would often see each other as people often walked places, because there were actually places to walk to. Our next door neighbors had 4 kids, and one of them would sometimes come over and play with the dogs.

Now we live in a large suburb of Denver because the suburbs were the only place we could afford to buy a house. I love our house, but I don't like living in the suburbs. I don't know any of the neighbors- we smile and say "hello" if we see each other but that's it. I think it's because people use their cars to get everywhere, and everyone has a really big back yard (which is really nice, I like having a large yard) but if you are outside, you don't really need to see or interact with anyone else.

[Edwina's Secretary]

In Chicago we knew our neighbors. There was a block party every year - we would clean each others walks and with some even exchange holiday treats.

We have found California living to not be so friendly. We know our immediate neighbors and I wave at any car that goes by just in case it is someone from the top of the cul de sac.

We are active in the Community Watch program by which we have come to know more of the neighbors.

I think it is different here because life doesn't face the street. There are no front windows. If I want to see what is in the street I must run upstairs to see out the front of the house. Front yards a very small and life seems to be focused away from the street.

Perhaps it is because houses are usually close together here and to maintain a feeling of privacy you have to pretend you don't see everything that goes on in your neighbors back yard!

[Taz_Zoee]

Our court used to have block parties back when I first moved in with Bruce 6 years ago. But since our neighbors moved we've only had one block party. We all know each other and would feel comfortable asking for help or anything. The only people we don't know is a young woman and her little boy that is renting the house directly across from us. But the other night the babysitter came over with the baby because she thought she saw someone climb over the fence in the backyard. I told her she could come to our house if she saw it again (I think it was the neighbors behind her that she saw).
But our block parties were great! We included neighbors from streets adjoining our court. I really need to organize that again, but I get tired of being the one to be in charge.

[Genny]

I know just about everyone's names that live on our street and the street next to us. I always try to be nice and wave if someone drives by, but then there's some of the snobby neighbors (and I'm not saying that to be mean, but they really NEVER wave and they seem rude) and I don't ever wave at them cause I've tried before and they ignore you so...but yeah I know about everyone on our street and most everyone is pretty friendly...sometimes/not often but sometimes we'll have a little chit-chat with someone

[K9karen]

I think that's sad. You don't have to live at a neighbor's house, but an acknowledgement with a wave or hello, isn't too much to ask.

I've lived here for over 35 years so the area changed a lot. Now with a younger crowd, racially mixed (I think that's a factor with friendliness... IMO.. that nobody is better than anyone else) my block is awesome. All single homes, so you're not on top of each other, but you can easilly walk onto someone else's yard. The kids are respectful. They help some elderly couples with snow shoveling, planting etc. We, and others also shovel the whole block if we start first. Someone else may follow up. We may not know everyone's name, but a car honk hello and a wave is constant. I am super friendly with my one neighbor and we borrow things, go out, take each other to doctor appointments, etc. We also have a gay couple, mixed race, newly married, LOTS of dogs. Even the folks who live on another block or around the corner and walk their dogs, stop and say hello if I'm outside.

I didn't mean to go on and on. I really think I'm blessed. I don't know how much longer I'll be here, whatever the reason, but this little 'ole block, rocks!