I am an orphan.

[RICHARD]

I was sitting here on Father's Day watching some program on the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team. I felt a little somber because I thought of my dad and how much he liked baseball.

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Right after my mom passed away I spoke to my friend and she told me. "Rikki, We are both orphans now."

I never thought of it that way.

I guess I always thought of an orphan as the dirty ragamuffin in the movies. The kid dressed in knee socks, shorts, a threadbare jacket and the scam on how to make some money on the street.

Orphans are people left to struggle, on their own, against the world, with little or no guidance.

No, I am an old orphan, set in my ways and thankful that my parents got me to where I am today.

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If I go to the park up the street where he would take us on a Saturday afternoon and hit us fly balls, I walk to the palm trees where he would stand. The area isn't very big-it was HUGE! Back then, the little strip of grass was bigger that a baseball stadium, bigger than the state of Texas, bigger than the world. I just hadn't realized that they world was bigger than the small neighborhood park in my backyard.

I remember running back and forth with my brothers, running until we were all winded, Dad even more so, He'd wave us in with the bat and we'd spend the rest of the that time, having a pop, cold water and laughing about dropped balls or the hole in glove that really wasn't there......

Gosh, what I would do for one day, one afternoon, one hour, one more minute under the palm trees where we would cool off-happy that maybe I impressed Dad with my catches and throws.......

I will never know what my dad was thinking at the time, but I hope he was happy and proud of his sons.

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It wasn't until my middle school years that I figured out that some kids didn't have the luxury of having a mom and a dad.

Confusing? You bet!

A few years ago my sister's daughters gave me a Father's Day card.

I was shocked at first!

I am no Father!!!! I could not even think of faking my way thru that idea....

Then I remembered about how my father never puffed up his chest and proclaimed he was a man and a father.

He let his actions speak for themselves.

Then I realized that they were looking for a male to carry the torch for him, and to be there when they needed some male figurehead.


When I finally got over the implication of being their 'dad', I stopped and thought about picking up some baseball equipment and inviting them to the park where I ran around with my dad.....

Even orphans like baseball!

[caseysmom]

I remember feeling that way after my mom died, even at 40 I felt like I always had my mom in case I needed her and when she died I felt lost.

Happy fathers day, it does get a bit easier.

[Grace]

I've been an orphan for 13 years, when my mom died. My dad died when I was just a wee lass of 5 years. I have no memories of him - but I do have a letter he wrote to his sister about a year before he died.

Douglas is also an orphan; both his parents have been gone since the early 80s.

Sometimes life s*cks.

[Medusa]

Dad died first, Mom 5 years later. When I got the call of Mom's passing, I said to my husband "I'm nobody's little girl any more". It's a sobering thought, eh, RICHARD?

[Marigold2]

Same here, it can be very sad. I guess we are the old folks now.

Dad died first, Mom 5 years later. When I got the call of Mom's passing, I said to my husband "I'm nobody's little girl any more". It's a sobering thought, eh, RICHARD?

[RICHARD]

I didn't mean to make today so somber......

I just wanted to unload a little angst and kinda remind everyone to make the effort to remember or if they have the opportunity to give dad a few minues of their time.

Being an orphan is not a bad thing.

--------------------

It's very sobering.


We do get lost when our pillars are taken out of our foundation. The fact that we still stand is a real testament to them.

There are times in the past few months that I wanted to say, "I don't care anymore..." And I wonder about the scolding I'd get if I was able to tell my mom I wasn't happy.......

It's better to muddle on and make her proud!

You guys rock.

[4 Dog Mother]

Richard, this is a very thought provoking thread. Well, wrote at that. My dad died a month ago - my siblings and I and other family members have shared so many stories about my dad. He was 90 years old and still going strong until the pnuemonia got him. He didn't "play" with us alot but he worked hard so we could have a better life than he had. He made sure we traveled some where new each summer even if it meant a small travel trailer and sandwiches and drinks by the roadside. We always depended on him for
"fixing things" or "knowing" things. I have caught myself thinking "I'll call and ask dad if he has any ideas" the last few weeks and then remember, he's gone.

Our son died almost 4 years ago now. Father's Day is tough for Carl and yet he has two great daughters who help remind him he is still very lucky. One brings the Dominic and Jasmine over to crawl all over him, kissing and hugging him and wishing him Happy Father's Day! The other drove down from Toledo to go to a dirt track race last night here in Findlay - the first time the track has been used in a long time to find it was a bad night at the race track and very little racing got done. Oh, but the memories made of a dusty, dirty evening together!


and a sad thing for me

I just wanted to unload a little angst and kinda remind everyone to make the effort to remember or if they have the opportunity to give dad a few minues of their time.

What happens when the father won't take the time for his children? My grand kids have not seen their dad since March. I don't know where Brian's head is right now but he has no idea of what he is missing and can never get back. Kids grow so fast! The things they say and do can never happen they way they do when they are so young. The way 3 and 5 year olds think - so amazing, so funny, so special. He has missed out on so much of their childhood by being away in Iraq and now by choice is still missing out. I feel so sad for these great kids --- and yet, I wonder, if he was with them, would their lives be any different? Would he see the value of being with them or find excuses not to be with them. Their grandfather (Carl) gives them so much - his time, his love, and so much more - they really are very lucky children after all!

Which gets us back to your sister's kids. You don't have to have your own children to be a dad. Anyone who contributes to their love and attention and shows them they are valuable as someone to love and is there for them is often more of a dad than ones who are the biological fathers. And it sounds like you fit that bill!

[moosmom]

I've been an orphan since my Dad passed away in 1997. I can't believe it's been 12 years already since he's been gone. I still talk to his portrait and visit on occasion the cemetery for my chats and "coffee with Dave and Joanne".

[lvpets2002]

Yup I have been a Orphan for 9 yrs now from my dad passing on.. However each day when I go home I have all of my Furr Purr Babies to remind me of that I am really not a Orphan..

[Pinot's Mom]

I had never really thought of the "orphan" concept until after my husband's Mom passed away. His father had passed away several years before, and, after his Mom's passing, our Assistant Pastor Dorothy came up to him and said, "oh, you're an orphan!". I thought it was very odd at the time.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

My mom's been gone 45 years and dad 10, I know well the feeling of being an orphan.

I try to think of myself as just having parents who are invisible now. They are still my parents and loved very much after all.

[lizbud]

Great thread. Reading all these experiences have stirred up a lot of old
memories for me too.

The idea of being an orphan didn't occur to me till years after my Mom
died. My Dad died years before Mom did. I really didn't get to know my
Dad because he was seldom around. The one thing I remember about him
was that he fought in Golden Gloves boxing tournament & he always
watched boxing on TV. Dad actually taught me how to box.

[RICHARD]

There is a time where we want to pick up the phone or drive over to see the folks, then go......

I can't.

But you keep them in your heart and they are always there to answer even the hardest problem.

I find that when I am bothered by a problem I stop and ask out loud-I have to be careful because it happens when I am outside and wonder about the neighbors lurking around- and I know I won't get an answer back, but in my heart and head something clatters around and I get an answer.

It may not be a direct answer from mom or dad-it's all their hard work in helping us grow up that must be voice we hear.


And in the end?

I will be doing something that makes me think about one or the other and I start to laugh. I know what they would do in that situation.

And I just have to go along with that. After all, the more we try to separate ourselves from them, the more we follow their lead.

Now I just have to learn to like beets!