President

[Marigold2]

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.

HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports.

We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.

(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.

God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!

Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

Please forward this to everyone you know, no matter which side of the fence they're on.

[Freedom]

I really expected him to end with something along the lines of, "Aren't you glad you live in America and not under these idiot rules?" That was hilarious, great stuff, Bill Cosby, making fun of the extremes.

The "give away" that it is all "tongue in cheek" is the "wheat will cost what oil costs," at least for me. The oil barons don't NEED the wheat! And those who need wheat don't have a need for oil anyhow, their country is too poor to be dependent on it. Wheat could be considered a staple of life; oil sure is NOT.

Great stuff, thanks for a good chuckle!

[Puckstop31]

Wheat could be considered a staple of life; oil sure is NOT.

Oil is not a staple of life?

How do you think that wheat is grown and harvested? How do you think that wheat gets from the farm to your store? How do you think that wheat gets to the poor starving people who need it?

Like it or not, we either have oil as a staple of life or we face famine (amongst other things) on a scale never ever seen. Ever.

[Grace]

Sorry, this was not written by Bill Cosby.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/platform.asp

[lvpets2002]

Well for whom ever wrote it == I Like It.. Now how can we get to the White House on a Bigg BillBoard??

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Oil is not a staple of life?

How do you think that wheat is grown and harvested? How do you think that wheat gets from the farm to your store? How do you think that wheat gets to the poor starving people who need it?

Like it or not, we either have oil as a staple of life or we face famine (amongst other things) on a scale never ever seen. Ever.

Like it or not, we really really really really need to find alternatives for oil.
Maybe not do away with it entirely but just look at the mess we are in now after two hurricanes in the gulf recently. All it would take would be for one of our oil suppling countries to get really cheesed off at us and refuse to sell to us.

Maybe the scientists can find a way to "clone" oil??????

[Karen]

I immediately thought it didn't sound like Bill Cosby. And while some of the bullet point are fun, it just ain't practical in the real world.

And we have no official language as a country, even if most Americans think we do, so even the first one is incorrect.

As for no imports - Wal*Mart's shelves would be pretty durned empty! Just sayin' ...

[RICHARD]

As for no imports - Wal*Mart's shelves would be pretty durned empty! Just sayin' ...

As long as I can get some Jello pudding, I am happy!

[Lady's Human]

No imports, no exports?

Well, you could pretty much rule out most of our technology based society. Things break, and after two years we be pretty short of replacement parts for some items. (High tech factories take YEARS to get going) Not only that, we're goign to be pretty short of raw materials for some items, notably titanium, molybdenum, tantalum, and other metals we're not able to feasibly produce in this country.

If we cut all foreign aid and used the money to pay off the debt? We'd still have a looooooooooong way to go. Our foreign aid budget is a miniscule part of federal spending.

#5 would require a complete restructuring of the Constitution, as SS is part of the federal budget, and the federal budget is under the control of congress. Good luck getting an amendment passed on that one.

[kitten645]

"Sorry, this was not written by Bill Cosby."

I thought this wasn't the educated man I think Bill Cosby to be.

[moosmom]

I don't care who wrote it, I like it and it makes a lot of sense.