You are regretfully invited to the wedding between my perfect son

THE DOCTOR

and some

Cheap Two-bit Tramp

whose name escapes me at the moment.

The Biggest Disaster in My Family's History will take place at

9 PM on Saturday, September 8th

and no doubt end in divorce

hopefully in time to still be eligible for an annulment.

THE OVERWHELMINGLY DISAPPOINTING HEARTBREAK OF A CEREMONY
WILL BE FOLLOWED BY DINNER, WHERE NUTS WILL BE SERVED
BECAUSE WHATSHERFACE HAS AN ALLERGY.