I need honest opinions

[Medusa]

and I know that my PT friends will give it to me straight.

I had been chatting on an online dating service w/this guy; he seemed nice enough, is into alternative healing as I am and we seem to have several things in common. I finally agreed to meet him for dinner and as soon as he arrived, he said "I have something embarrassing to tell you. I left my wallet at home. Do you have any money?" Of course, I'm always prepared to pay my own way wherever I go even if it's w/friends. And since we really didn't discuss whether it would be dutch or not, perhaps I wrongly assumed that he would pay for dinner. If he had said that after dinner, I would've been furious so he at least said it upon meeting me. BUT....I'm a big one on going w/my instincts and I just had the gut feeling that this guy was trying to get a free meal and to see if I was a soft touch. I didn't want to make a scene at the restaurant and I also didn't want to be taken for someone who was trying to get a free meal either by saying "Whaddaya mean you don't have any money?" So I said "Well, yes, I do have money but this doesn't sit right w/me". He said "Well, if you would prefer to make it another time, I'll understand". I said "I think that would be best". Then he proceeded to ask me "So how are things w/you and your son and your cat (Puddy) and, and, and...." I thought to myself "This guy is trying to schmooze me so that I'll say 'aw, what the hell, I'll buy us dinner". So I said "My son is doing well, so is my cat" and I put on my coat and started to leave. He walked me to my car and that was that.

Do you think I'm being overly suspicious? Am I being unfair, seeing that he mentioned that he forgot his wallet as soon as we met and didn't wait til after dinner? Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I had pretty much sworn off dating since my last relationship approximately a year and a half ago and now I remember why. Too much work. I always caution people about internet dating and, although I've met some nice men online, nothing has ever panned out. This made me feel icky and I think I'll go back to the old fashioned way of meeting people but not right away. I'm back to not wanting to date again. I didn't give him my phone number (it's non-published), so it'll be interesting to see if he emails me again. Care to wager whether or not he will?

[Karen]

I'd go with your gut, but also might give him another chance, especially as he asked about your kitty. If he "forgets" his wallet again, then forget him!

[gini]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.

If he wasn't embarrassed because he forgot it - I don't get such a good feeling about him either.

Also, he could have said "look, this is embarrassing for me - so can we set up another date and I will remember my wallet next time?"

I don't think you can be too careful -

[Medusa]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.

If he wasn't embarrassed because he forgot it - I don't get such a good feeling about him either.

Also, he could have said "look, this is embarrassing for me - so can we set up another date and I will remember my wallet next time?"

I don't think you can be too careful -

Well, he lives 40 minutes away from the restaurant, so if he went home to get his wallet, that would've been a long time waiting. But I agree w/your statement that he didn't seem embarrassed about it; he just kept talking as though I was going to shrug it off and pay for dinner.

[Rachel]

. BUT....I'm a big one on going w/my instincts and I just had the gut feeling that this guy was trying to get a free meal and to see if I was a soft touch.

I think your gut was right on track. Next date he might be asking you to loan him money for his car payment - of course that will just be until he gets his tax refund. I don't think it is necessarily how you meet someone. This type of individual could be lurking out there anywhere. Maybe I just have seen too many episodes of Judge Judy.

[sasvermont]

I think he should have excused himself, rescheduled and made good on his original offer, to share dinner expense. This "I forgot my wallet crap" only goes so far....and not far with me. First impressions are important and he didn't make a good impression on me, at all! In my opinion, you did the right thing.....and went beyond what I would have done. Run honey, run. He sounds like a creep, at best.

[Medusa]

Next date he might be asking you to loan him money for his car payment - of course that will just be until he gets his tax refund.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't be that naive. I do think he was testing me, though, to see if I'd pay for dinner, then that would make me an easy mark in his eyes. In my younger days, I would've been less charming. But over the years I've learned the power of words. I got out unscathed and that's all that really matters, I guess. Boy, they're out there, aren't they?

[kuhio98]

My ole friend (Ron) and I still laugh about the time he wanted to impress me and made reservations at a very expensive restaurant. Yep, he forgot his wallet. He was mortified. I paid the bill. Ribbed him unmercifully. He sent me flowers the next day to apologize again.

Did he contact you again to apologize?

I think you were too hard on the boy. We all make mistakes. There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern.

[Medusa]

Did he contact you again to apologize?


I think you were too hard on the boy. We all make mistakes. There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern.

No, he hasn't contacted me to apologize. If this had happened w/a guy that I had been dating for some time, I could easily forgive and pay for the dinner. But this was our first meeting. And he's not a boy. The man is 66 years old; old enough to know to bring his wallet for a date.

[Pam]

I would have done exactly the same thing. Hey, when you are going on a date with someone there are only a few things you need to remember and one of them is your wallet! Even if he wasn't looking for a free meal, this guy sounds a little irresponsible or maybe needs some memory vitamins. Maybe he is even older than he says and needs some ginkgo biloba.

[Catlady711]

You can't be too careful with people you meet online, or anywhere else for that matter nowadays.

I think I'd have taken into account his attitude not only when he said he 'forgot' his wallet, but also his reaction when you said to reschedule and when you left. Then wait to see if he email you FIRST and what kinda explanation/tone he has on the whole event.

If he brushes it off, I'd brush him off.
If he has too complicated of an explanation I'd steer clear.
If he never responds you already have your answer.
If he is sincerely appologetic without excuses and prompt in emailing, maybe, then maybe, give him another chance, if you truely want to.

Just my suggestion, but always pay heed to your instincts, sometimes those pick up on things you just can't put a finger on and are sometimes very correct.

Good luck

[Medusa]

Maybe he is even older than he says and needs some ginkgo biloba.

That's too funny cuz that's exactly what I was thinking. Another reason why I've always dated younger men.

[Medusa]

You can't be too careful with people you meet online, or anywhere else for that matter nowadays.

I think I'd have taken into account his attitude not only when he said he 'forgot' his wallet, but also his reaction when you said to reschedule and when you left. Then wait to see if he email you FIRST and what kinda explanation/tone he has on the whole event.

If he brushes it off, I'd brush him off.
If he has too complicated of an explanation I'd steer clear.
If he never responds you already have your answer.
If he is sincerely appologetic without excuses and prompt in emailing, maybe, then maybe, give him another chance, if you truely want to.

Just my suggestion, but always pay heed to your instincts, sometimes those pick up on things you just can't put a finger on and are sometimes very correct.

Good luck

He's had plenty of opportunity to email me by now and he hasn't, so I think he realizes that I'm onto him. I think I'm going to trust my instincts and, even if he should email me later, I'll tell him that I'm not interested.

[Laura's Babies]

They always say toi go with your gut feeling.


I'm sorry but the last thing I do BEFORE I leave the house is make sure I have my purse and I wonder where his drivers liscense was? He left home with NO ID? Yea, right!

[Grace]

I think you were very wise to go with your gut feeling.

BTW, did this guy drive to the restaurant? And was his license in his wallet - that he left at home?