Mother-in-law vent

[JenBKR]

I am having some MIL troubles....everything I do with Ty is wrong. She lectures us because we get Ty vaccinated, if she thinks we don't dress him warmly enough, I don't hold him right, etc. If I say or do something different than how she did it, or how she thinks it should be done, she has a comment. And she doesn't say anything nicely, she is very abrasive. I don't even want to see her anymore. I don't really know how to handle it but to sit down with my husband and tell him how I feel. He is of course blind to most of it. He is not especially close to his mother, but she is his mother and he just doesn't see what I see. Anyone else have MIL problems?

[sparks19]

I sorta do. My MIL is not abrasive but she always seems to be sort of questioning the way I do things. Like if Hannah ever fusses she MUST be hungry and I must be starving her. things like that. She's more condescending than abrasive... I know she doesn't mean any harm but I think she thinks hubby and I are clueless because it's our first child. When she gets that way I just say " she is not hungry... she just ate. She just needs to be cuddled by her mommy" or something along the lines of "I am her mom... I do have her best intrest at heart"

it doesn't make the issue go completely away but it kind of makes her stop and think for a second.

If she is abrasive with you perhaps you need to return the favor in order for her to get it.... it's not a pleasant situation to be in. she did things a certain way and times have changed and now things are done a little differently. Just say something along the lines of just because she did it one way does not make your way wrong.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that

[Husky_mom]

welcome to my world

MIL´s can be soooooo annoying... thay can make you feel so frustrated...

I mean offering help or tips on babies is ok.... but WE ARE THIER MOTHERS!! not them!!... LET US DO OUR JOB!!!

I completely understand you.....my best advice is to not let it get into you.... just take what helps and toss the rest.... the vast mayority rest LOL... whatever you do is wrong and will be wrong for the rest of your life...but if they do the exact same thing then it´s right...

we should make a MIL antifan club.... what a great place to vent on them

[JenBKR]

So glad I'm not the only one.....I have always found her to be abrasive but she got so much worse when I had a baby. It can be tough to deal with. We were at her house last weekend for a few hours and when we left we put Ty in his snowsuit and got ready to leave. She starting flipping out because we didn't put a blanket on him too (it wasn't THAT cold out...). I just said, "He'll be fine" and we left. Then I just found out from my SIL that she was complaining to others that we don't cover Ty well enough and he had to have been freezing

we should make a MIL antifan club.... what a great place to vent on them

What a great idea! And we can vent everytime they get on our nerves (ooh I may not have time to do anything else then.... )

[sparks19]

Oh man that must be so frustrating Jen.

I am lucky mine lives in Florida so I am not under a microscope all the time.

Although she frustrates hubby and I both when she tells us that we just don't understand how it feels to love Hannah so much... UM pretty sure we do lol we are her parents after all... we MADE her lol.

[Catty1]

A tip I read on Dear Ann or Abby, one of them, many years ago - she was advising a woman who had the same problem.

Or actually - I think another woman wrote in to the column with her advice.

Anyway - whenever she got berated or hassled by the MIL, she would say, "You're absolutely right. I don't know HOW you tolerate it."

Tended to stop the barrage right in its tracks.

Might work with ANY annoying person, actually!

[Karen]

Just had to say, I love my mom-in-law, they are not all awful!

I would speak to your husband about it, and let him know it does hurt you, and ask if he'd be willing to talk to his mother about toning it down.

[sparks19]

Just had to say, I love my mom-in-law, they are not all awful!

I would speak to your husband about it, and let him know it does hurt you, and ask if he'd be willing to talk to his mother about toning it down.

no they aren't all awful. I love my MIL too she is a very wonderful person and has done a lot for us. She just doesn't think sometimes before she says things lol and I don't think she realizes that sometimes its hurtful. she does the same thing to her own daughter with her first child. It's just how she is

[kuhio98]

She sounds like she feels left out and lonely. She may have the best intentions. She's probably just trying to be included. Unfortunately, the way she's doing it makes her sound like a disapproving, critical know-it-all.

You might try asking her questions about when your husband was Ty's age. She may just be dying to share with you her "pearls of wisdom" on childcare. Even if you think it's all garbage and intend to disregard all her ideas, my advice would be to try to listen without feeling criticized.

After all, she didn't do too bad of a job, did she? She learned what to do -- or what not to do -- by raising your husband and he turned out great, right?

Seriously, she may be a total beotch, I don't know. But, she may only know how give advice in the form of criticism. She might chill a little if she felt like her opinion mattered to you. Even if it doesn't, you could pretend like it does once in a while.

I had the most perfect mother-in-law in the world. She lived 3000 miles away and thought it was too expensive to call Alaska!

[Taz_Zoee]

I'm not married, but I love Bruce's mom. It's his SIL that I have a problem with sometimes. I do not have children, but did work with them for 12 years. I sometimes do not agree with the way she does things with her son, but I'm sure not going to say anything to her about it. And I just know if we did have children she would voice her opinion without hesitation.
Just another reason I'm glad we do not have children, besides our furkids. And the SIL actually loves Zoee.

[caseysmom]

My own mother gave me horrible advice! I don't know how us kids ever survived, things like oh rub alcohol on her for the fever. Or better yet bundle her up she is hot. I just calmly told her that those things are no longer recommended, of course I got the "you survived fine!"

I am sure it is hard to stand back and have no opinion but when it becomes condescending or demeaning that is just uncalled for and you need to put your foot down.

[Laura's Babies]

Tell her "you know.... HE (your husband) survived all the mistakes you made with him and my baby will survive all the mistakes I make. They don't come with a manual so we do the best we can!"

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Tell her "you know.... HE (your husband) survived all the mistakes you made with him and my baby will survive all the mistakes I make. They don't come with a manual so we do the best we can!"

Well said! I would add to that "thank you for your input but when I want your advice I will ask for it"

You should talk to Shawn about it Jen and ask him to tell her to back off. You are doing great with little Ty because you are his Mommy

[beeniesmom]

Do what I do with my own mom or MIL:

Whatever the circumstance:

"Oh yes, thanks for the imput, that is probably a great way to do blabla etc ... but I prefer blabla.

Call me stubborn but I like to do things my way... which is not necessarily wrong!

[mina'smomma]

Hey Jen just be glad your MIL isn't like my girlfriend's. Her's threaten to evicet her, her husband and their two month old son in December because they wouldn't buy the trailer they're renting from her.

I have to admit. I love my MIL I just get annoyed with the people around me who hassle me about the way I care for my daughter. I get told I'm a terrible mother because I feed my daughter about 4 teaspoons of rice ceral a day because if I don't she'll drink anywhere from 12 - 16 oz bottles every two hours. By the way her doctor has okayed the rice ceral because of her size and she is more developed than a normal 15 week old is.