This just SUCKS!

[anna_66]

Well, do you remember me telling you about my great niece Ashley staying with us? She was going to be going to school and living with us....that's a big "WAS".
Things were going along so well, just great in fact, you couldn't ask for a better kid! Well, we went to enroll her in school, but guess what....we had to have legal custody of her, which we didn't know. Her mom had just gotten a paper (which she thought would work) notarize saying we were allowed to enroll her in school, take her to the hospital, etc... Of couse, we had no idea that wasn't going to work. Well, the school explained that it is to protect the children (which I do understand). So, anyway to make a very long story short, her dad would have to sign the custody papers and he already made it know to Ashley that he didn't like the fact she didn't come to live with him. He has never wanted to be a part of her life before (but I guess he wouldn't have to pay child support anymore if she lived with him), but now all of a sudden he does? But anyway, it would cost alot of $$$ to go to court and fight him, and after her getting in all the trouble she did, the lawyer said he could countersue & try to get full custody of her! Isn't that just stupid?
So anyway....we took her home this past weekend. It is just breaking my heart. And the worst thing is the letter she wrote me. She left it laying in her bedroom for me to find when I came home.
Let me just give you a couple of exerpts from it, the one's that touched me the most:
"You have always been like a 2nd mom to me, I love you and I was really looking forward to staying & having a normal family life. It was perfect-like we were actually a family. If I could pick a whole new family, I'd pick you for a mom & Mark for a dad."
"If you guys ever did have kids I'd be jealous. They would have (from my point of view)the best family God could give."
"You guys are like the family I've always wanted but never had."
"Mark has basically been the only steady man figure in my live that showed me he loved me. He has pretty much been my father figure."
There is more but you get it....she was so happy to be here, and we were happy she was here. Now.......well now I feel lost, as I'm sure she does. I'm glad she loved us that much, but it also makes me sad to know she does and had to leave.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I just had to get it out. Thanks for listening.
Anna
Me, Mark & our girl Ashley (don't laugh, we had been traveling for 13 hours!):

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Anna, I'm really sorry that Ashley cannot stay with you. I don't understand the system, when a girl is doing so well and she is happy and considers herself to have a loving family why they would decide to take her away. It looks like she is old enough to decide for herself where she wants to live. Why does everything come down to money, if you have enough of it you can just about do anything, if not, you are at the mercy of the court. It sounds like it is just a matter of money with her Dad, what a shame and then they wonder why kids run off.
I'm so sorry, I can see how much better off she would be with you. Another injustice.
Jackie, Miss Daisy and Perry

[Sudilar]

My heart is just breaking for you three. Life is so unfair. I'm so sorry.

[DoggiesAreTheBest]

Anna, that is suck sad news! I know how much Ashley had gotten attached to you and you guys to her.

Where is she now? Is she at home with her Mom? How old is she?

My uncle went through a custody battle with his ex wife and she always won. Until Alison was 15 and the court let her decide! I wonder if that could work with Ashley. What I don't understand is why he father is such a jerk and won't let her go where she is the happiest. It sounds like you and Mark are able to provide a better home for her and that your husband has been the male figure that he she needed and her father was unable to provide! He would still be paying child support if she lived with her mom?

Do they have joint custody?

[lynnestankard]

Ooh anna how sad for you! the house must seem so empty. my heart goes out to you. i realise that sometimes the system sucks - but the fact you can't do a thing about it doesn't help you feel any better.

{{{{hugs}}}} to you and mark.

you will be able to keep in touch with ashley won't you? i hope so.

lynne

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

That is terrible news! It is terrible for Ashley too! I know it is HARD for a teenager to stay out of trouble when they are thrown right back in with their old peers. I hope the father will come around and realize what is best for his daughter and not HIM! I know you are sad .... {{{ hugs for you and your family}}}

[K9karen]

No wonder why good kids go bad!
Who makes these stupid laws??
Had a similar situation, but umpty-ump years later, things luckily turned out. no thanks to the courts

Poor Ashley, poor you, Everyone suffers. I am so very sorry




{hugs}

[NoahsMommy]

Oh my gosh!!! This totally breaks my heart, I can only imagine how you all feel. That poor girl, poor you! I am so so sorry...as a child of the court system growing up...I can empathize with her.

Someone brought up a good point...how old is she again? She should have the right to choose. When my mom and dad went to court, my mom couldn't afford a lawyer...so she was appointed one. I don't know if that could help. Also...her testimony in court may even sway the judge to allow you custody as far as school goes. I know it isn't hard to get, I was almost responsible for my casa (I advocate for an abused child) child's school because her parents were....well...incompetent. It was offered to me without a judge.

Gosh, I truely am so sorry. I hope things will turn up for her. She sounds like she really, really needs you. I think it is amazing that she can step away and be able to realize that. Kids are amazing.

Please keep us updated.

[mugsy]

Anna,

I know it's been a LONG time ago, but when my nephews were younger ( A LOT) younger, they came to live with my parents and they went to school here in Indiana just fine with a letter from their parents giving my parents legal rights to sign for them. I would check the laws in Michigan before I gave up. I would also go higher up than just the local school...how about the superintendent? We have kids living with aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc at our school and there isn't a problem.

I agree this sucks big time!! Please let me know if you need some help...I'd be happy to do so if I can.

[Former User]

Oh Anna, this is heartbreaking! And SO unfair! Why is it so wrong for a good gril to have a good home? From what she wrote I can see that she's very mature and can definately make her own desicions... I wish they would let her stay with you guys, obviously she was extremely happy with you guys.
I'm so sorry this happened!

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Oh no, I'm so sorry things worked out this way. I was wondering how everything was going. Is it possible she could be enrolled in some other school? With the voucher system and all that around these days, it seems that schools are much more lenient. As an example where my mom lives there are two small cities, each with one high school. The kids in each city of the option of going to whichever high school they choose, it doesn't have to be the one in their city. I find this amazing, but that's the way it is these days. There has to be something that can be done. Even if she has gotten in trouble before, if the judge sees that she is in good capable hands - and possibly has a chance to read that letter that she left for you, he would realize that back home she might get right back into it, but with you she could really have a new start.

It's really difficult when parents use their children as pawns for their own gain, and really sad, but if I were you I wouldn't give up yet. There *has* to be another option out there that would allow her to come back, even if she starts school at home and transfers during the year.

And if her father has that kind of an attitude, it shouldn't surprise him that she didn't chose to come live with him. What a jerk.

[G.P.girl]

I'M SO SO SORRY!that sucks sooo much... it's so sad...

[Rachel]

Originally posted by Sara luvs her Tinky
I hope the father will come around and realize what is best for his daughter and not HIM!

Maybe this man will have a change of heart and reconsider. Tell Ashley not to give up. Perhaps a heartfelt letter from her to him telling him how staying with you has given her an opportunity to start over and a chance to make some changes for the better and she would be so grateful if she could continue living with you and Mark and going to this new school.

If the situation comes up where her mother goes back to court about custody, do look into whether there is a CASA organization in that jurisdiction and having a CASA volunteer appointed for her.

[Cincy'sMom]

This is one of those times common sense and the best interest of the child should come before laws. I know they are supposed to protect the child, but sometimes it just hurts them more. I'm sorry Ashley can;t stay with you. Hopefully the time spent with you and Mark and knowing you are a phone call away for her will make things a little easier at home. Hopefully she can come back during school breaks and summer vacations.

[AmberLee]

I'm so sorry that this is the outcome for now. Perhaps some of the suggestions here will work for you? I'll hold you all in my prayers in the hopes this can still work out for you.