Parents and discipline

[Sirrahsim]

The airplane thread got me thinking about something that caught my attention the other day.
I was at a softball game and Tyler was playing with a few other kids. We brought plenty of toys and trucks to share but at that time Tyler was playing with a softball. One of the other little boys kept trying to take Tyler's ball right out of his hands and that boy's Mom kept repeating: "If you do that one more time you're going to get in trouble" 5 seconds later "If you do that one more time you're going to get in trouble" 5 seconds later the same thing... The kid never did get in trouble and poor Tyler never did get to play with his ball because he had to guard it constantly!! This child was 2 years old! That is most definatly old enough to know how to share
I know that I am not supermom but if I give my son a warning once and he does the behavior again he gets in trouble and KNOWS not to do it again. The sad thing is that I see that ALL the time. Why do so many parents not follow through?? It's not hard to have a well behaved kid if you follow through with punishments. After a couple of times of counting to 3 and then plopping Tyler's bottom into time out he understood. Now I don't even get to 2!

Grr Other people's kids drive me crazy

[moosmom]

After the SECOND time (I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt) I would've removed Tyler and his toy to a different spot. One would THINK the mother of that kid would get the hint.

[RICHARD]

Would the umpire have helped?

--------------


Telling a kid twice and having him listen isn't a Supermom Special Power.
That is a Regular Mom Special Power.

It means you have taken the time to get a child to listen and behave.

Super moms usually chase after a kid all day long trying to keep him from misbehaving, fighting and beating the shiat outta the kids around him.

Regular Mom Special Power is far rarer than Super Mom Power.

[Cataholic]

I can only speak from my experience, as a non-mom and as a mom- my view of parenting and discipline has changed, signifcantly, when I made the move to mom.

Frankly, my son is not perfect. Even more frank, neither am I. He loses his angelicness, and I lose my patience. I say "yes" when maybe saying "no" would have been the better call. I say "once more" when "ten times more" is the more honest answer. I give in, sometimes, when he gives out. Sometimes, when I think he will flip, he slides into my arms and we all go home.

Know what? I would like to believe most parents are doing the same as I, the best they can, at that particular time, for a reason known only to them, with the resources bestowed upon them by some higher being.

If you can't cut someone a break, look the other way, take ten thousand deep breaths, maybe you should consider staying home, or, move to some continent where there are no children. Certainly, you should stay in an industry where your contact with children is very, very minimal.

[Sirrahsim]

After the SECOND time (I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt) I would've removed Tyler and his toy to a different spot. One would THINK the mother of that kid would get the hint.

I probably should have picked up and moved but honestly there was no where to go. I was there watching my husband play softball and as it was we were on the other end of the bleachers from the boy's parents.
I mess up just as much as the next mom. In retrospect I realize that my original post probably sounded arrogant and like I would never be THAT Mom but I know that that isn't true. I do all of the things that you mentioned and more Johanna.
This one situation just got under my skin because in comparison to the other children there at the game, my son WAS an angel
If anyone can figure out what on earth I am trying to say please enlighten me Sleep deprivation has made my logic a little cloudy.

[RICHARD]

We learned early that "NO IS NO".

No if, ands or buts.

Some parents say no once and yes 10,000 times.


Just like the drops of water that wear down a stone, Kids learn early that
if they keep asking, eventually parents throw their hands up and give in.
-------------------

The mom at the game should have been able to get off her arse, go over to the monster and put an end to the problem the first time.

Talk is cheap.

It gets cheaper when your kid is in their teens and you can't control them.

[Cataholic]

Missy, my post was NOT directed towards you in any fashion (unless you suddenly developed a career as a flight attendant?). It was about kids, and people's lack of patience with them.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I chose not to have children and therefore, rarely respond to these threads.

But I will tell you of a friend of mine. She has a son. He was 13 last month. She was in her 30's when he was born. She admits it was easier to bribe him with candy or toys or give him what he wanted than to tell him "no." She said it was because of her age. He was late speaking because he did not have to talk. All he had to do was point and there was someone offering him whatever he wanted.

Now he is a pudgy boy who, according to his mother, has trouble making friends. I can understand that. Being friends means compromise and sharing. It means taking turns and letting someone else go first. He has not had much practice at any of these.

And, though I would NEVER say anything to her....I avoid being around him.

I hope as he gets older he gets better at these skills. But I fear she hasn't done him any favor as it will be harder for him to learn as he gets older.

[crow_noir]

Why should parents teach their kids that no means no, and be consistent about it? So that the child can grow up to be a well adjusted member of society and learn to deal with disappointment.

You don't have to say no to your kid all the time or deprive them of anything they want, but they SHOULD learn that they can't get their way just because they pressured their parents into it.

The are of consistency is no different in child rearing than from dog training. Sometimes you just have to be a bit more creative.

Also... I see the age of the parent as NO excuse. As matter of fact i think an older first time parent should have more wisdom from more years of experience listening to others.

[Jessika]

Because parents are too worried about being their children's FRIENDS rather than their PARENTS. They are too worried about their children liking them than being the "bad guy".

Let me tell you, I've seen enough "Bad parenting", even in my short days, that I am CONVINCED I will learn from others' mistakes, and my children will NOT!!!! get away with half the cr*p kids get away with nowdays, especially in public, and ESPECIALLY with how they treat others!

[wombat2u2004]

(A Psychological Conundrum)

Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children,
so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments."

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child
for a car ride and talk.

They usually calm down and stop misbehaving
after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions
with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,
Wom

[crow_noir]

I think a lot of parents just don't know how to *properly* be their child's friend.

Do friends put up with whining, sniveling, and bullying. usually not.

Doting upon and granting every wish is for royalty and lovers Not friends.

My parents did a find job being my friends, but they also knew when to be parents. Were their decisions always popular with me? No. But i know they tried their best. (I yet to this day hold a few grudges and think they were a bit TOO strict, but like i said... they tried their hardest. ...and they also gave me a LOT more freedoms than most parents allow their kids. ...then again i also earned it with wonderful behavior including well deserved trust.)

I knew by the age three that No meant No. if i asked for something a third time after they said no, that was end of discussion and I'd never get the thing. Ever. Maybe meant it's open for discussion... at a later moment in time.

Sometimes the best friends are the ones that set limits. I don't think parents give "friends" enough credit. Youth peers often stop their peers from doing lots of stupid stuff. (Yes there are also those that encourage immature behavior.) I've known a lot of teens that took better care of their friends than their parents did. Getting each other off drugs and concentrating on school. ...and sometimes it did include physical discipline... but they did what was necessary to save lives. They weren't always liked for it... but in the end they were thanked. (Like literally dragging each other into rehab.)

Because parents are too worried about being their children's FRIENDS rather than their PARENTS. They are too worried about their children liking them than being the "bad guy".

Let me tell you, I've seen enough "Bad parenting", even in my short days, that I am CONVINCED I will learn from others' mistakes, and my children will NOT!!!! get away with half the cr*p kids get away with nowdays, especially in public, and ESPECIALLY with how they treat others!

[crow_noir]

Dear Wom...

This is the first post I noticed it in so this is where I'm posting it.

WHAT *IS* that in you siggy?!!!!

I wonder how many people you creeped out. *snicker*

It doesn't help that I'm arachnophobia and a spider crossed my monitor not 10 minutes ago!!! It was a yellow sac spider hatchling. They birthed in the light above the table that I'm at... So it's been raining y.s.s.h. around me for the past two nights. *shudder* The only thing keeping me sane is that the babies are very squishable. (BTW ...yellow sac spiders are one of the species that I'm most terrified of.)

[wombat2u2004]

Yellow sac spider ??? Is it poisonous ???
Wom

[crow_noir]

Moderatly so if i remember correctly. It's a cousin to the brown recluse.

I thought i knew what a brown recluse looked like (Big, fat, chocolaty brown and hairy... nope!) until i looked up many photos on them... look almost identical to the yellow sac spider. ...turns out we have brown recluses around here too. Just days before i had spared one's life because i just thought it was an extra pretty yellow.

OK, just looked it up... I didn't want to overstate it's poisonousness... I understated it... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_sac_spider

Yellow sac spider ??? Is it poisonous ???
Wom