The Way It Is

[Marigold2]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

__________________
Proud parent of:

Boscoe, Benny, Jake, Ruby, Snowy

[Hellow]

LOL!!!

[kt_luvs_kitties]

I love this post. I printed it out years ago and it is on my fridge. So funny!

[moosmom]

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

OMG, ROFLMAO!!!!

[CathyBogart]

LoL, I think I'll be printing this one....

[lizbud]

I love it. It's so true isn't it.

[cassiesmom]

ROFL!!! It is around my house ... the cat MUST be permitted access to the bathroom while the staff is showering. If the door is closed for more personal functions, the cat agrees to wait outside briefly but does not promise to like it. The cat also informs visitors who insist on closing the bathroom door all the way (LOUDLY!) that she prefers that it be left slightly ajar, so she can enter at will. She'll sit at the bathroom door and meow until it's opened again. Or, if I close the door all the way, her and I on opposite sides, she'll wait a moment and then start meowing until I let her in. After 10 years with her I've given up trying to take a shower with the bathroom door closed. I leave it open a bit and she waits on the rug until I turn off the water. Then she leaves because she knows the hair dryer comes next. Stinker. We both know who's in charge at our house and we both know it isn't me. I'm just the one with the opposable thumbs.