Pet Honesty w. BF :-) Edited for clarity

[Catty1]

Oops - didn't clarify.

My BF likes and loves his dog, but is not tuned into them the same way I and others are.

After my surgery, I had time to reflect and while things are very good with my BF and I, I noticed things that were fine now - but were another thing to deal with when two people were under the same roof long-term! Since a relationship can possibly become permanent, I have wanted to be honest about the small and important thing below. I had IM's him a link to Kfamr's thread with the gecko on the dog's nose! LOL

The rest of his response and the conversation follows:

BF Yes, the dog. That is a difference between you and I (and differences are okay) I'm not 'into' pets as much although I enjoy them on a basic level. That message board on pets always surprises me .. how much people share about their animals. But to each their own!

Later in the post....
LOL. Whadya think? Finally got to mention this in IM...


Me BTW just back to pets for a second...
BF yes?
BF Oscar, as I have said, always sleeps at my feet on the bed, as does Cole if he shares the space with Oscar. Early morning, Oscar loves to snuggle beside my head on the pillow and groom me, purr, and nap again! But I told you that (my poor nose!). So while I really like that and other idiosyncracies about my cats, I don't know that a partner would. Again, differences are fine, until one has to live with them. So when Oscar gets snuggly, that does cross my mind. Of course...he might enjoy grooming TWO people! lol
Again, a point to consider, as I would not discourage him from doing that, silly though that may sound.
BF I really should get myself some dinner (my biggest meal) and ready to leave. This has/is most pleasant and I always enjoy. Just wanted to ask what the state of the union is with your friend etc...

[Cataholic]

Are you asking for comments?

[Catty1]

Sure. I have wanted to be clear with Grant about how I am attached to animals. Of course, if I am married, there will be mornings when Oscar will NOT be on the pillow!

But generally, this is one area where I will not change or 'give in' - I don't see my cats as 'just pets'. I never had a family, and BF has, so I guess pets were part of the picture.

He also doesn't bother taking his Bichon to the vet, as long as he is well and appears healthy.

I guess, to be specific, did I state my point of view appropriately? And his response right away that it was time to have dinner - I would guess that means he needs to think about this, if he thinks about it at all.

I guess I wonder too if this is can be a serious bone of contention in the future...is it worth making note of it under the 'would I marry this guy?' category.

Or is this single thing 'much ado about nothing'?

Thanks.

[moosmom]

Candace,

It sounds like BF's attention span needs a little "adjusting". Also, just remember, you don't know a person till ya live with 'em. And THAT comes from my Mom.

[Catty1]

Donna - I KNOW that. I was married once, very briefly. My ex was actually as cat-loving as I was! (HMMM should've kept him! )

With benefit of hindsight, I am wanting BF to be aware of these things about me. Don't want to shoot myself in the foot - but I want to be honest, and casual about it. This is me, that's all.

On some mornings when Oscar has decided to be REALLY adorable, I honestly think that marriage in and of itself is not a good idea for me.

No rush. BF did say he wanted to IM again tomorrow, so perhaps he will have a question or comment. He might want to process this for a bit.

[moosmom]

Donna - I KNOW that. I was married once, very briefly

Oh yeah, I forgot! You're handling it very well.

[Catty1]

Maybe once IS enough?

[G535]

You would also have to seriously consider how well he would look after your pets if you ever become ill and can't do it yourself. There's also the little things like making sure the doors are shut and the cats inside.

[ramanth]

Well, to be honest, Andy isn't into pets on the same level as I am. He loves them, of that I'm sure, but he wouldn't of made an account on PT if I hadn't pestered him. And even then, he's not on every day like I am. I'll point him towards threads once in awhile.

When I lived alone, the cats slept with me. Now they sleep in their own room seperate from the bedroom. Seeing as Andy is allergic, it's a small sacrifice I made. But that's what a marriage is about. Give and take.

[Catty1]

Thanks, all.

If I was ill, the cats would be looked after no problem. BF is very organized about proper care for his dog. When I gave him an old wire catbrush, he used it on his bichon - and the pup loved it! That became a bonding thing, with Bailey looking fluffy and cute!

I know it is give and take, no question. I guess I am assessing what I am willing to give...and nothing's final yet.

[Cataholic]

Well, maybe I give Andy special dispensation because I have actually met him? Dunno...I wouldn't have pegged him as a nonnie(non animal lover).

For me, it isn't so much the level of animal worship, but, the RESPECT of my adoration that is important.

From just that small, tiny, glimpse into your personal affairs, and only because you asked...my concern wouldn't be the level of worship he has for your pets but over the way he totally and completely blew you off when you brought up the question. Sorry, but, to me, that is a huge, significant red flag.

To me, he was saying, "oh, good grief, here we go again! I am not dealing with this".

[ramanth]

Well, maybe I give Andy special dispensation because I have actually met him? Dunno...I wouldn't have pegged him as a nonnie(non animal lover).

For me, it isn't so much the level of animal worship, but, the RESPECT of my adoration that is important.

That's a good point. Andy told me it was my deep love, caring, and adoration for all animals great and small that attracted him to me.

He grew up believing a dog is just a dog. Their dog was outdoors only and befoe he met me, he didn't realize that a pet could be a close member of the family.

So while he's not up at my "level" of obsessiveness , he's changed his way of thinking.

[Catty1]

You know, Ramanth - you raise a good point. We have really good talks. However, not long after surgery I had several points I wanted to raise - and he said (this was on IM) that surely we don't have issues when we have been dating less than a year?



So I have raised them one at a time, and a couple have been resolved. I will raise the animal one again.

His wife died several years ago after a long illness - and understandably, he is now at the point where he wants to move on, enjoy life, and friends and family (and he has a LOT of family).

I can see 'issues' not being part of his script. And they AREN'T issues. But they might become that, so I want to address them now, while it can be done gently and calmly, instead of panic trouble-shooting.

Thanks, folks.