So many emotions.....

[Donnaj4962]

When I got home from work last night, I had a message from my "ex" who asked me to call him because he had some "news". Since I hadn't spoken to him in over 5 years.... I was shaken to hear his voice, and then knew that it must be a death in the family. So I took a deep breath and called him. His cousin (I think he would be about 23 now) committed suicide and he wanted to let me know. I was so shocked. The cousin was the ring bearer for our wedding, so the news conjured up all kinds of emotions. Why? How awful were things to take such a drastic measure? Oh, his poor parents and sisters. And then of course, having been asked to please attend the funeral and/or showing, I started realizing that I would have to see my "ex" and his family, and how would that go? I did ask him to be certain that my attendance would be okay with everyone, and not cause more tension and emotions for everyone. The last thing I would want to do is create more ill feelings. (I am planning to attend the showing only, as I don't feel comfortable going to the funeral since that is typically for "family".)

Oddly enough, this weekend is the 7 year anniversary of the day that I packed my things and left! And now I will be seeing the "ex" and his family again. Please know that I truly adore my ex's brothers and their families, as well as his grandparents and his dad. His mom, is controlling... and while she tries to be nice, I am always on guard that there is hidden meaning behind every word and action! Hmmmm, like mother, like son.

So.... prayers please for a young life that gave up too soon. And prayers for strength for the family. And if you could spare a prayer for me, I would appreciate strength to get through this terrible ordeal. No news on the arrangements yet.... I should hear something yet today. Thank you all for listening to me go on and on. Sorry for that!

[DrKym]

Prayers and candles lit for all that are bearing this tragedy. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Catsnclay]

It is truly odd that after 5 years of being divorced he would call you, but that was nice of him.


I too would have mixed emotions about all of this, and I think you are doing the right thing by attending, but I can't help but wonder if this might be a set-up of sorts...... (yes, I am not the trusting type!)

I know my ex and anything to get me away from people and be surrounded by his family, they would try to fill my head with things. Please just be careful, and don't say anything that will come back and bite you!

Sorry for your loss, this must be a shock to you (and of course his family, too!)

[Scooter's Mom]

Good luck with the ex's family.

I guess I'm the odd one everywhere. I don't ever talk to my ex-himself, but his wife has been my best friend since we were in High School... so she and I talk all the time. I get updated on all the family things going on and so it's almost like we're all still family. Weird, I know.

Prayers have been said for the ex's cousin and for you.

[pitc9]

Thinking of you and praying you have the strength you need to get through.

[crow_noir]

*hugs*

no need to apologize.

[Karen]

You'll be in our prayers.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

How very sad for you all. The fact that your "ex" took the trouble to call you means he wanted you to know and to be there.

I hope any ill feeling can be put aside for one day - in honour of the young life cut so tragically short.

{{{hugs}}}

[Barbiecat]

I'm so sorry to hear your news. As has been said in the past, suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. Nobody should ever have to face this as their only option. It's so sad that they didn't seek any help, or if they did, that it didn't work for them. Take care, and good luck.

[Donnaj4962]

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I am feeling better about attending, but I am still a little nervous. He called me again last night and assured me that he had talked with the family, and they are all happy that I will be attending, and are anxious to see me. (He talked to his folks and his grandparents, but not his Aunt and Uncle, the parents of the cousin who died.) He said that he will be watching for me to come in. I am hoping that means that he will be there to support me with the rest of the family. I am certain that he will be decent to me. It is his Mother that I am concerned about. She can be a real **treat**, if you now what I mean. My plan is to just walk in with my head held high, give my condolences, talk to those family memebrs that I feel comfortable talking with, and to leave. There is no need for me to stay, and besides it is an hour and a half drive for me to get there, so I will need to get on the road. My emotions are still all over the map, but I am most concerned about the parents and siblings. They must be going through so much right now. Again, thank you for your support. It means a lot to me.