I can't take it anymore

**lv4dogs** · 05-22-2006, 01:47 PM

I am so sick of Joe's cats, or at least I am almost sure that almost every time something happens it is one of his cats.
I am literally so fed up,I honestly don't know what to do.

For the record my cats have been socialized, just like dogs. I bring them for car rides, to visit with friends/family, bring them to work, go for walks, re-arrange furniture, have had many people & pets move in & out, buy new items, have had many foster/rescue kittens,dogs, ferrets, hamsters, rats, etc... etc... and NEVER EVER have any of my cats EVER pissed/pooped/scratched/harmed anything or anyone or in any place that they shouldn't have.
And my cats are hardly ever inside anymore since his 2 cats moved in.

Yet, since his 2 cats have moved in I have or am dealing with:
-water being splashed everywhere
-carpet being scratched
-piss in a couple places it should not be
-cat shit in the dog food bin, of course I just emptied a brand new 40lb bag into the bin
-George had 3 *tiny* puncture wounds when I examined him further, too small to be a dog nail or tooth and both of my cats were outside that night (I know I never mentioned that before)
-cuts/scratches/bites on me because his cats don't even really like to be picked up at all, but they jump on things & me & I need to get them off somehow
-his cats are still pretty hissy/swatty at my cats and dogs, so much that sometimes my animals won't even enter a room or the like
-hamster cages being messed with

AFTER Joe moved in he told me that his cats will potty outside of the litter box sometimes.
EDITED TO ADD: I guess those times he said he cleaned up messed outside of the litterbox it was only smeared poop.
I also found a few throw rugs of Joes all scratched up.

And Joe's responses every time I try to talk to him, NONE! Ok hardly none, he did say a few things about resolving the water issue but not with any other issue. NOTHING, he just sits there.

Joe has NEVER fed the cats since he moved in. It is ALWAYS me.
Joe has not cleaned his cats litterbox without me having to ask him to.
Joes has not once vacuumed or swept the tons of grey fur balls I now have but have never had before his cats moved in.
Joe told me the other night that he wouldn't spend $500 on his cats if they needed health care. (the issue came up as we watching a show about blocked cats)
Yet he says he absolutely loves these cats, he doesn't want them to go outside or anything. He is too scared he would loose one.

My good friend told me out of the blue the other day that my house smells like piss/shit and out of the 2 years she has known me she says my house has NEVER even remotely smelled like that. (Joe says it is the ferrets that smell, my friends, family & I beg to differ, as stated above my house has never smelled that bad, ever.

I have told Joe about most of the problems, all except a couple because stupid me didn't want to be too mean. Now if I bring up the 3 or so issues that happened a week or two ago he's going to think that I have some type of vendeta against his cats or something. I don't, or I should say I didn't, now I do, now I can not stand them.

Last night was the crap in the dog food bin which just topped the cake. I am so angry that it isn't even funny & I can't calm down no matter how hard or little I try.
I have talked with Joe about some of the events, last night I blew up. I was very angry.

Would it be wrong of me to tell him that he has ONE more chance to care for his cats. That HE NEEDS to feed, care, clean up after them. If not than they are gone, if he chooses to go with them then so be it.
I mean now that we live together our stuff is exactly that, OUR stuff, but technically it is still MY house & MY things that are being damaged. So do I have a right to bitch or not?

Would it also be wrong of me to make him purchase a new bag of dog food? I am not 100% sure it was his cats but look at the history, I would have to guess that it is a 99.99999% chance that it is his cats that are causing all these problems.

I swear to god I am about to have a mental breakdown. The cats have been here for almost 2 months now & ever since they moved in it's one problem right after another.

**aki** · 05-22-2006, 01:56 PM

Wow. Sounds like quite a predicament you have there.

Sorry I don't have advise beyond what you have already done.

But here's a ((((((((((((hug))))))))))))) and I hope that Joe will listen to what you are saying that you can work it all out.

~Aki

**Jessika** · 05-22-2006, 02:02 PM

I definitely DO NOT think you are out of line in giving him a second chance. In fact, if I were you, I would say they are outta there right then and there. One more chance. You are NOT his maid or his cat's servants. It is YOUR house, he moved in WITH YOU, you have been MORE than gracious in letting him AND his pets move in with you. You have to draw the line somewhere!

**Laura's Babies** · 05-22-2006, 02:22 PM

I agree whole heartly with what Jessica said so well!

**catmandu** · 05-22-2006, 02:29 PM

I Would Toss All Three Out, Although I Feel Sorry For The Cats, That This Idiot Has Not Trained Them.
It Does Not Take A Lot To Get A Cat To Use A Box, And Not To Scratch.
Hit The Road Jack, And Dont You Come Back.
No More, No More

**Cataholic** · 05-22-2006, 03:06 PM

I am not sure what Joe is to you, boyfriend? Forgive me if he is your husband or a friend. I just don't know.

BUT, what I do know is this: you and Joe have VERY different philosophys on what is and is not acceptable pet ownership. Very different. I cannot and do not 'blame' the pets. I blame Joe. Really, if Joe can't/won't address this topic with you in a mature fashion, knowing you are at the end of your sanity rope (as it sounds like you are), you need to think past this cat situation, and see what is really the underlying issue. Joe.

JMHO.

**Sevaede** · 05-22-2006, 11:56 PM

I agree with what Jessika said, as well.

**Corinna** · 05-23-2006, 12:46 AM

Perhaps this is a preveiw to Joe's behavior. When dating and living seprate people can sure hide their true self. Not only do you need to think about the cats maybe the whole relationship.
Hug to you and prayers for your desition.

**G535** · 05-23-2006, 01:23 AM

The biggest problem is Joe, definitely not the cats.

**sandragonfly** · 05-23-2006, 01:30 AM

I echo what jessika said, exactly - you're not gonna change him.

sue, ..why?

**sandragonfly** · 05-23-2006, 01:40 AM

and yeah, it makes sense if little joey buys a new bag this time. and why you are very emotional all about this. I just wish I'd draw a line for you.

please take care, repeated from PM, take care of yourself and I'll be always here for you. if you will, anytime.

((((hugs))))

**Lobodeb** · 05-23-2006, 10:02 AM

Who took care of his cats before he moved in with you? It sounds weird that he's willing to spend $X on his cats but won't clean/feed/care for them once he moves in with you. It just doesn't add up.

I agree with Jessika and Johana, give HIM one more chance and it's not the cats' fault. They're just being cats. Untrained cats.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) ))) to you in your dilema.

**lv4dogs** · 05-23-2006, 10:27 AM

Thanks everyone. I actually got to have a decent conversation with Joe (my b/f) last night.

We have decided to do a few things different. Because Handsome used to be an outdoor cat (and by process of elimination he is most likely the culprit of all/most of these problems) he is now an inside/outside cat. Hopefully this will burn some of his energy & make him use his brain a little more, pretty much give him the stimulation that he needs which will hopefully make him more calm & well mannered in the house.
We will be keeping track of what happens, see if anything triggers any bad/good behavior etc...
And we have a few more products to try if need be.
And Joe will be more responsible about cariing for them and the like.
We will be setting like an evacuation or outside cat ONLY date, probably about a couple months down the road, which will give us plenty of time to try out the other products & see if something actually works. I think this is a fair opportunity.

Of course if things happen to occur when everyone except Pickles is outside than our plans will change. Because obviously it won't be Handsome that causes all the problems. We will be working on some sort of plan in case that happens.

Joe is otherwise a great person, I think maybe he just thought since I loved animals so much and already have to feed & clean, etc... them all that I could do the same for his. Which sure I don't mind feeding his dog, I have 3 dogs to feed at the same time anyways, that only takes a couple seconds of my time. But everything else I don't have time or sanity to do it all all the time. Like filling the cat food dish three times as often as I used to, cleaning more litterboxes and most importantly cleaning up the messes/destruction AND paying for it too.
Hopefully he sticks to his words! We shall see.