Is This Possible?

[Cubby'sMom]

Hi I was just wondering if it is possible to make yourself forget something if you want to. There's a situation at my school where one of my old friends is cutting, backstabbing, spreading rumors, literally wrecking many students' lives. Yesterday she started an old habit of cutting for no reason. She was sent to the counselor's and now the counselor's and the office are all convinced that our whole class is against her, and their blaming another one of my friends for this whole mess. After all the turmoil today and call slips to see our counselor, a lot of us had totally snapped at my old friend, well not friend anymore to be exact. Then a friend said that this girl is making herself forget the awful things she's done to us. She said that we can't blame her because she doesn't remember, and that these true accusations against her are nothing but lies to this girls ears. I'm not so convinced. I can't just not blame this girl for everything she's done. In my oppinion, she's just denying everything. So is it possible to make yourself forget? I wouldn't be surprised if it is possible, but still....

[Karen]

Yes, you can convince yourself that something never happened. Usually this happens subconsciously, as in the case of victims of abuse who block it out and only realize, sometimes years later, that the events actually happened.

You don't need to become her best friend all of a sudden, but you, as a mentally healthy person, can make the choice not to actually forget, but to put the hurtful events behind you. Then you can move forward with life.

[catnapper]

If she's not emotionally stable, she might not actually remember all the things she's done and said. I have a friend like that who when she goes into manic modes, she won't remember anything. It took me many years to understand completely what was going on with her, but knowing she had a real honest-to-goodness medical reason for her actions helped me understand where she was coming from.... not that it excused her actions, but it made her friends understand and forgive her some.

Like Karen said, you don't have to be a best friend, but if you try to have a little understanding you might be surprised at how much your opinion of her changes.

Of course, she might just be a drama queen who wants attention in any way she can. Either way, it sounds as if she needs some serious counseling, and not just what the school provides.

[Cubby'sMom]

Thanks for the advice. I've been with this girl pretty much my whole life, 9 years and I'm 14 now. She's always been a drama queen, and she has done many things to get attention, bad things. I know she has issues, but whenever we try to help her she just gets worse. I've always been understanding of her, but now we've all just snapped. She's done so much that's hard to put behind you. I think she does these hurtful actions on purpose to be honest, but if she does in fact make herself forget, then I can understand that, because in a way she's not aware of it.