In depair but I know I can confide in PT

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Step daughter (27) has just announced she's 10 weeks pregnant.

She already has two children by different fathers (each as hopeless as the other in terms of emotional/financial support, working for a living, taking responsibility, etc etc) and number 3 is no better...in fact is probably the worst of the lot

Bear with me - it gets worse..............

She has also had two terminations (that I know of), the first aged 16, and doesn't seem to want to go through it again (understandable I guess) but neither does she want another child..... She is just caught in a vicious cycle of being the perenial victim and would rather be with anyone than on her own - except that is exactly what happens and will continue to happen unless she takes charge of her life

Does anyone have any advice or shred of hope they can offer?

[catnapper]

Wow.... what a predicament!

I know people like her and nothing's going to change until they decide they've had enough and realize they are the only ones who can make their life better. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom until you realize you're there because of your own actions and choices... and then you realize you have the power to make circumstances different.

Terminating the pregnancy will only get her out of this situation and possibly into the next. Would she be willing to carry the pregnancy to term and then put the baby up for adoption? The ultimate act of love for her child knowing she'd not provide the stability he/she would need. Then find herself a good therapist to work things out with (and good, reliable birth control!)

[Karen]

Can she talk to an agency about placing the child up for adoption? I am sure someone out there would be glad to adopt the baby.

Then, get some sort of counseling/frank discussion of the value of birth control so this cannot happen again ... never mind counseling so that she realizes she can do better for herself in terms of healthy relationships or even being on her own ...

[Dixieland Dancer]

I had a friend who's daughter was the same way. She finally got connected to a really caring and active church and she seems to be doing much better now. Her love now is the Lord and she confesses her celabacy until she finds "Mr. Right". We think it's a miracle!

In the mean time, she could consider adoption. Then she should be encouraged to have her tubes tied. That way at least if she feels it necessary to be with someone, she won't be risking bringing another innocent life into the picture. I feel for you in this situation as it is a hopeless feeling to care about someone and not be able to help them since they obviously can't help themselves.

[JenBKR]

Exactly what catnapper said. She needs to recognize that only she can change her life. Counseling would be the best thing for her. Do you think she'd consider it? As for the baby, I think adoption might be her best bet, although I know that would be very difficult to do. Do you think she'd consider adoption? She's in a really bad place right now, so I'd say to try to stick by her and support her, as hard as that may be for you (as I'm sure you're angry).

[cyber-sibes]

((((hugs)))) So sorry for you, it just plain stinks to see our kids make terrible choices. About all you can do is pray for them. Often family has the least impact when you try to help. What I do is pray God will bring the right people and circumstances into their life asap (even if that means hitting a bottom) so that they will be willing to change and accept responsibility for their choices. *sigh* no easy answers...
I work with a gal like that - she's got 3 kids by 3 different guys, too.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

(as I'm sure you're angry).

More stunned than anything at the moment to be honest.

Thank you for the replies so far - I will certainly mention adoption to her but I can't honestly see her going full term then handing baby over (although I do agree it would be the best thing for the poor little mite).

The only good thing to come out of this will be that Katie is determined not to end up like her sister, as much as she loves her - a small crumb of comfort but one me and her Dad are clinging to right now

[Karen]

But maybe, if she is put intouch with someone who desperately wants a baby, she can be persuaded adoption is the way, and tell anyone who asks that she is being a surrogate mother - carrying a child for someone who cannot - and that might help her mentally.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

But maybe, if she is put intouch with someone who desperately wants a baby, she can be persuaded adoption is the way, and tell anyone who asks that she is being a surrogate mother - carrying a child for someone who cannot - and that might help her mentally.

That's a thought! Thanks Karen

[prechrswife]

As someone who is in the process of adopting, this hits very close to home for me. There are so many couples out there who want to be parents, who are ready to be parents, yet they are physically unable to do so. If you could find someone in this position for her to talk with, maybe that would make the decision easier.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

This may sound harsh but the tricky bit will be getting her to stop thinking of herself and how much she'll suffer and to get her to consider what would be best for the baby and the two she's already got. She's a great one for sitting around bemoaning how hard her life is and how tough things are - getting her to see that its no-one's fault but her own won't be simple.

Thanks for letting me offload to you all - not a pleasant topic I know

[JenBKR]

Well, that won't be easy. Is she still with the father of the current baby?

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Well, that won't be easy. Is she still with the father of the current baby?

No - she has decided she doesn't want anything to do with him as he is a total waster (!) - something she already knew when she threw him out just over a year ago (!!) and I wish she'd remembered 10 weeks ago

[JenBKR]

No - she has decided she doesn't want anything to do with him as he is a total waster (!) - something she already knew when she threw him out just over a year ago (!!) and I wish she'd remembered 10 weeks ago

It's probably a good thing that they're not together anymore. Maybe this can be her 'wake-up' call. I certainly can't imagine being in her situation. She must be so scared. Would it be possible to get her involved with a church or anything? That may help.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Maybe this can be her 'wake-up' call.

How many more does she need? This will be #5 by my reckoning.......

As for church I don't think she'd consider it - very cynical about religion