Did I do the right thing? (Advice needed)

[Samantha Puppy]

Yesterday, a coworker of mine said something to me that has thrown me for quite a loop. I am not really close with this guy, we don't talk to each other about what's going on in our lives so working together is all we have in common. We're not friends. We're friendly towards each other, but we aren't friends. Anyway, he sent me an image of a black guy with a 'fro talking in -izzle and asked me for a translation. I wrote back and asked him why on earth he'd ask the whitest white girl in the history of white people to translate -izzle talk. I put a at the end of the message and sent it to him in reply. A moment later, I get the following response: "I heard you like to ride the purple mule sometimes."

Okay, it takes a lot to offend me. It just doesn't happen. But when I read that, my jaw dropped. It's not like I started crying, because I was so traumatized or anything, but I am just in shock that someone like this guy would say something like that, to someone he doesn't know very well, over company e-mail!! If it were my best friend Christine saying something like that to me, fine. She and I have that kind of relationship and I'd say something equally raunchy to her in reply... but you certainly don't say that to someone you don't know very well and you especially don't say it over company e-mail!

It's inappropriate, any way you look at it. I don't want to get this guy in trouble but for God's sake, he's got to know he can't go saying **** like that around the office and expect people not to react. I am not good at having serious talks with anyone, muchless people I don't know well so going to him and telling him he was out-of-line just isn't me. I went to the 2nd-in-Command guy to get his opinion on the matter and while he did say I should talk to the coworker myself, our boss still ought to be made aware of the comment and the situation. So I spent a good portion of the afternoon trying to figure out what to say to him, and then when my boss got back from her lunch meeting I told her what happened. I prefaced it by saying I didn't want to cause trouble for this guy and I didn't want the atmosphere in the office to change, but that I just felt she ought to be made aware. You see, while this is the first time this guy's said something like this to me, it is not the first time he's said questionable things to other employees. I've either been witness to that OR heard them talking about a comment of his when he isn't around. So it is an isolated incident for something directly purely at me, but not for others in the office and obviously, the guy himself.

My boss tells me that I did the right thing, I followed protocol and that I can still say something to this guy if I want to but since I took it to her, she has her own protocol to follow which entails going to the president of the company. *sigh* I feel absolutely horrible! She said I didn't do anything wrong and neither do the other couple coworkers I talked to about it but honestly - this could get him fired. I didn't want that. I didn't know she'd have to go to the president of the company! I just feel horrible. Josh says I didn't do anything wrong either and the fact that not only did this guy say something like that to a coworker he doesn't know very well, but that he did it ON COMPANY E-MAIL means he's super-stupid and deserves to get his butt reamed. Of course, that's just Josh's spitefulness talking but I do agree to an extent. I mean, not even I'm that stupid to leave not only a papertrail, but a papertrail on company property. But that's besides the point. I still feel absolutely horrible even though everyone says I did the right thing.

[senorita02]

He sounds like a total pig & like you said it may be funny to say that stuff to your good friend, but not to a co worker especially over the email, and this day and age, that could be sexual harrasment, he sure sounds like an idiot, and i would of been offended too, you dont just go around saying stuff like that to people you dont know, shows a lack of respect, you did the right thing, although i would proabably be feeling like you do , too, you cant let that stop you from doing the right thing, who knows he may of kept on with raunchier things to come , to the point where it got really bad!

[Karen]

We have all heard the quote:

Edmund Burke said, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing

This quote applies in big and small situations.

If you had not said anything, he could have gone on blissfully thinking there was nothing wrong with tht kind of statement. If he gets fired, it is still not your fault. He made the inappropriate comment, not you!

You did the right thing.

You did the right thing.

You did the right thing.

You did the right thing.

[moosmom]

Samantha Puppy,

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!! If he's done it in the past, he'll keep on doing it until he's put in his place. Do NOT feel guilty. People like him cannot go around saying stuff like that without consequences. Let the higher ups deal with him. That's why they get paid the big bucks. You did nothing wrong.

[Cataholic]

Wow. Hate to weigh in as the minority here...but, I wouldn't have EVER said anything to a boss, etc. This guy will get in serious trouble, probably, for something I bet wasn't meant at all.

Now, I am NOT saying sexually offensive jokes have their place in the workplace, but, sheesh, it might have been an 'innocent' but, inappropriate, comment.

I would have sent an email back and said, "uh, I bet you didn't mean to offend me, but, you did. I don't talk like that, email like that, and would prefer if you left me out of that sort of stuff".

Of course, if he continued to be like that with you, I would have said something to someone.

[caseysmom]

I 100 percent think you did the right thing. I am actually more offended by his racial slur than anything, what a racist bigoted pig. I have never heard the slang he said to you but it was obviously derogatory to you and to african americans.

[elizabethann]

I think you did the right thing.

Did your boss talk to this co-worker yet about the situation? I'm thinking he may get a warning of some kind. He may get a verbal warning or a written warning. Heck, he may even get fired. I like to joke around with my co-workers and we can push it pretty far. But it sounds like that guy went too far and crossed the line.

He has to learn he can't say things like that. It's inappropriate. And the fact he wrote it in an email? He's dumb, for sure.

[Samantha Puppy]

Well I just found out that about a month after he began here (December '04), he was given a warning because he said something that offended another coworker. I also found out that his previous job was contractual and that it wasn't renewed because his old coworkers had such an issue with him saying inappropriate things. So this is definitely not a new thing with him.

Cataholic, I don't think it was meant maliciously but given his history of saying stupid things (some of which I was aware, some of which I wasn't until just now), he's got to learn what sort of behavior is appropriate in the workplace. He doesn't know me well. The e-mail between us leading up to that comment wasn't provocative in nature at all which makes the comment even worse - it came out of left field. That takes a little bit of the innocence out of it for me... As I mentioned before, this guy and I are not friends. If he has the gall to say something like that to me, what's to stop him from saying something like that to a coworker from another office or worse yet, a client?

I am not a nasty or malicious person. I hate confrontation. If I had a position in this company that allowed me to remove myself from certain people's company, that would've been my course of action. But I can't do that - I'm the administrative assistant and my job is to assist everyone. I really didn't see any other route to take...

[moosmom]

I'm the administrative assistant and my job is to assist everyone. I really didn't see any other route to take

With all due respect, given this guy's history, you do NOT need to explain or apologize for the way you handled it. I admire you for keeping your cool through it all. I wouldn't have been as nice.

[finn's mom]

Jaime, you did the right thing. If this was the first time he'd said sexual, inappropriate things at the workplace, I'd see maybe not taking it to the boss. He's already been warned, though, and, it hasn't improved. I hope he learns his lesson, either way.

[Corinna]

You did the right thing Me I would have made the biggest stink and screaming fit. I don't put up with that crap at all. I would have been so mad that &$it would have hit the fan and EVERYONE in the office would have know this guy was the biggest loser I'd ever met. But thats me.I tend to be reactive on a spark.
I think you did what was right for your office protocal and you have nothing to feel bad about.

[kuhio98]

Okay, I'm totally clueless because I don't know what 'izzle and the purple mule are. You didn't do anything wrong. But, I've always found it best in the long run to go directly to the person first and let them know that you are offended and to cut it out and if they don't, you will then go to the boss.

[JenBKR]

I'm with everyone else - you did the right thing. We just had a meeting on harassment at work - you did exactly what you are supposed to do. Don't feel bad at all. Had nothing been said, he would have continued acting like a pig to you and others. I doubt that he will get fired (although this is not his first incident..) but it is out of your hands now. Don't obsese over it. Good job.

P.S. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!

[Samantha Puppy]

Okay, I'm totally clueless because I don't know what 'izzle and the purple mule are. You didn't do anything wrong. But, I've always found it best in the long run to go directly to the person first and let them know that you are offended and to cut it out and if they don't, you will then go to the boss.

"-izzle talk" is something Snoop Dogg came up with (I think it was him, anyway). For instance, if someone said "Fo' shizzle", it means 'for sure'. If someone said "I'll meet you at my hizzle", that means house. From what I understand, the words can change - hizzle doesn't have to mean just house, it changes based on whatever you're saying. That's about the best I can describe it. Needless to say I don't "understand" much more than that about the whole slang, so asking me to translate it was just odd to begin with.

"Purple mule" is a (raunchy, inappropriate, offensive) term for penis.

[Edwina's Secretary]

You should read your employee handbook. It will have specific instructions on what to do in such instances in your organization. As for what to say to him...."That's offensive to me. Do not speak to me in that manner."

And...by the way....your response about being the "whitest"...best not to talk about race at all in the workplace.