Help Me Understand What I'm Feeling Please?

[Cosmo'sNewMom]

I lost my beautiful Golden Retriever on August 2nd. She died in my arms after 11 wonderful years. I have missed her sooo much. I have a husband, 2 teenage kids, and a tabby cat. We have all been devestated.

I adopted a VERY sweet Shepherd/Husky mix from the shelter on Saturday. He is so gentle and sweet and patient with us. My tabby cat's reaction was the typical spit and hiss.... This guy is not her Tasha! This is a little bit of the reaction I got from my 17 year old son. My daughter is 14 and totally smitten with him. He's everything he can be and more! My tabby is doing the nose touch thing as we speak. They've come along way since Saturday.

We have been trying to use a kennel at night because he needs that protection from the kitty as well as he's not quite sure of this whole house breaking thing. Last night was the 1st night in the kennel. He howled and cried. It broke my heart. Maybe I am just sleep deprived... my nightime thoughts are the hardest.

What's my problem? When I look at him I want to just sob. I am frightened that I haven't totally fallen in love with him. Was it too soon? Am I abandoning Tasha's memory? I purposly got a boy dog and a mixed breed. My husband is thinking I'm just a bit nuts. He didn't want another dog but he's helping by pointing out all of his good points to me. I feel so flaky and mixed up! Will this pass? He deserves all of me and I'm not there yet?

Has anyone else been through this?

[JenBKR]

Losing a dog is quite traumatic. You're feelings are completely normal. It may have been a little too soon, but I wouldn't worry. You are still mourning Tasha, but you can love your new doggy too - some of your feelings may be guilt for loving another dog. Talk your feelings out with us, and understand that they are normal and part of the grieving process.

[beeniesmom]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Welcome to PT.
I hope we can help you cope with Tasha's loss.
What is your new dogs name?
I am sure your love for him will grow.

[Cosmo'sNewMom]

Yes I do feel guilty for doing this so soon almost like I've abandoned her memory.

Thank you for your kind words.... As I wrote this I could see that time may help to heal..... He is curled up on my feet as I write.

[Thandi]

I felt the same about adopting Mika so soon after Thandi died (about 3 weeks). It really was the guilty feeling of "did Thandi mean that little that I'm adopting another dog already, and why did I do that, and will I even like her".

And yes, it was all of that, and I ADORE Mika and the second dog I adopted on Saturday. But I love them differently to Thandi, and that will always be so. No more guilty feelings.

Give yourself time, and both of you will grow on each other before you know it.

[Cosmo'sNewMom]

Thank You BeeniesMom! His name is Cosmo....

And Thank You Thandi! 3 weeks felt like so much longer and then I looked at the calendar. Whew!

It will be a different love. He deserves MUCH!

[ParNone]

Hi Cosmo's Mom!

I went through something similar after my lil' Cairn, Maddie died at around 13 yrs old. I just loved that dog something fierce. 2 yrs later and I still think about her everyday.

I waited about six months or so after she died to add another dog to the family. I didn't get another Cairn, because I felt that would too hard for them to live upto. I decided on another Collie, because the one I currently had, Oz, was such an awesome dog. Well, the first week I had Gull, I cried everyday, because he wasn't Maddie.

I realized that the issue was me not him though, so I tried to just set in my mind that he wasn't going to be Maddie or Oz or even Murph (my other Cairn). He was going to be his own unique lil' self. Well lil' by lil' he started to wheedle his way into my heart. I realized he was never going to replace Maddie. She would always be in my heart, but that he could have his own special place in my heart too.

I tell ya I just love this dog so much now. He turned out to be such a character, filling the house with laughter everyday. I wouldn't trade him for anything now.

So just hang in there and give yourself some time. Cosmo sounds like such a great dog, it won't take long for him to wheedle his way into your heart too.

Par...

[cyber-sibes]

It does take a while to 1. grieve 2. form a new attachment. We had two dogs, and when one was hit & killed, I started looking within a few weeks for another dog, too. And I felt guilty. After a few not so successful "trial runs", we finally adopted another husky. We really liked him from the start, but it took a while for him to get to trust us, as he was already 1 1/2 and came from a very loving husky breeder wher he was living with his family & littermates. It's been a year now and he is "all ours!" He gets along better with Star than any other dog she's ever been around.

You said your daughter already is very attached, this is probably really good for her. While it may take a little time for you, you'll grow to love him just as much. Our hearts don't replace the love of a cherished pet, but we don't run out of love, we just make room to love one more!
Congratulations on Cosmo, he sounds sweet!

[Anita Cholaine]

Welcome to Pet Talk

I'm sorry for your loss Anita is the first dog I ever had, and I don't imagine what would I do if she died. It must be so hard, but I'm sure that with time you'll start loving your new baby... Just give yourself the necesary time....

[Dixieland Dancer]

Welcome to Pet Talk! I am so sorry for your loss. Tasha must of been one very special girl. Of course as a Golden owner myself, I can imagine her wonderful temperment and happy smile. There is just something about Goldens that almost makes them human instead of canine.

Please realize you can never abandon Tasha's memory. She will live on forever in your heart and someday she will meet you again at the bridge. My first Golden (Gone now for 18 years) is still fondly talked about frequently. She was 13 1/2 when she crossed the bridge. Since then I have had 4 more Goldens (the breed of choice for me). Each one has managed to grab my heart and firmly melt it. Each one in it's own way. Now I always want to have a pair of them to make life more rewarding (one for the left arm and one for the right!).

The neat thing about the human heart is that it has remarkable room for growth. It seems the more you give it the larger it becomes and the fuller our lives become. The memories become sometimes faded but the love remains there and when the memories are recalled, they get sweeter and sweeter each time!

Your feelings are normal right now. Just hug the new guy and share your life with him and eventually you will look back and wonder why you ever felt this way. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Cosmo'sNewMom]

Thank you everyone SOOOOO much! I went to lunch and came back to all of these wonderful replies! These are very welcomed and appreciated!

Cosmo will never be Tasha but he will be his own cool guy. He has suprised me a few times today with his playful sweet personality. Imagine my suprise when I turned around and found him behind me in my walk-in shower. He couldn't figure out where the water was coming from but he sure wanted to play in it.... The cat was appalled to see a wet fur ball bullet shooting through the house.

Tasha was very sweet as Goldens are. Her face was kind. She was very laid back and old-lady like. She was "simply the best", but Cosmo is going to entertain me with mischief...

Thank you all again!

[JenBKR]

That's what is so great about each of our furbabies: they each have a unique personality, so we love them all differently.

[luvofallhorses]

First let me say, it is never ever easy to lose a beloved pet. I think most of us feel your pain and it is undescribeable. It does get easier in time, though. (((hugs))) and we are here to listen if you have anything on your mind. Your girl sounded like such a sweetie.

[Ginger's Mom]

I would love to hear more about both of your furbabies. I adopted a new dog about a week after I lost my first dog. And I felt much the same way you did. She was not my Peaches, and I would never feel the same way about her. For the first nine months I kept telling people who would ask, that Peaches was my baby, but that Ginger was my dog. She is sooo different than Peaches. Well, we have been together two and a half years now, and somewhere between the time that she was nine months old and one year, she somehow became my baby. Have no fear, without you even realizing it you will find that you are totally in love with the big guy, and could not imagine your family without him. I am so glad that your daughter has already formed a bond with him. I am sure he will be quite happy in his new home and worm his way right into your heart. Thanks for rescueing from the shelter, how old is Cosmo?

[Cosmo'sNewMom]

They think Cosmo is about a year old. He was found as a stray..... things about the house make him look puzzled, like the sounds of coffee brewing.... printers printing... showers..... hair dryers... but he doesn't really misbehave.. he just cocks his head and stares.

My tabby cat, Sadie, is 7. We adopted her from a rescue group called "Just Strays". She is very snooty and possessive!

Tasha was such a beautiful purebred sweetie.... Her breeding sure was hard on her though with hip and knee problems as well as thyroid. My heart strings hurt every time I see a Golden now.

It's been an interesting journey...... one I may take again and again.....

Thank you for asking