My Dog Has Got No Manners
by Bruce Lansky
My dog has got no manners.
I think he's very rude.
He always whines at dinnertime
while we are eating food.
And when he's feeling thirsty
and wants to take a drink,
he takes it from the toilet
instead of from the sink.
He never wears a pair of pants.
He doesn't wear a shirt.
But worse, he will not shower
to wash away the dirt.
He's not polite to strangers.
He bites them on the rear.
And when I'm on the telephone,
he barks so I can't hear.
When I complained to Mommy,
she said, "I thought you knew:
the reason that his manners stink-
he learns by watching you."
© Bruce Lansky, reprinted from If Pigs Could Fly...and Other Deep Thoughts, published by Meadowbrook Press.
Doing Business
by Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz
My daddy's on the phone right now.
He says he's almost done.
My daddy's doing business with
a man in Washington.
My mother's doing business, too.
She's not at home today.
My mother's doing business at
her office far away.
And I'll be doing business with
our brand new pooper-scoop,
'cause my puppy's doing business on
our newly painted stoop!
© Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz
Reprinted from Kids Pick the Funniest Poems,
from Meadowbrook Press.
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