Is there such a thing as TRUE HAPPY marriage?

[Palomino21]

Hello Pet Talkers. I was just curious about how many of you are really completely satisfied with your marriages? How long have you been married? What type of problems do all marriages face? I have been married for 5 years it will be November and it just seems like it is so hard to be married, not to mention, I know no one that is happily married. You can PM if you want. Is there such a thing as a truely happy marriage? How long does it take?

Annie

[dukedogsmom]

To me, happily married is an oxymoron.

[Corinna]

I have been married to Tim for 26 plus years. We have ups and downs. We dated for 3 years and waited for 3 years to have kids. I was 17 when we got married, I guess we just have learned to talk about things that bug us about each other. Some times the kids think we were fighting as our discussions did get loud. After the cancer scare 12 years ago we relized just how much we need each other we do complete each other.We have streaths and weaknesses but we are strong in the others weaknesses. I guess to that Tim is an artist and thinks more to the female side of his brain helps. I grew up with 12 boys and being the only girl a tom boy I identified with the male way of thinking .
Hope this helps, and you do know some one happily married.

[moosmom]

Val,

To me, happily married is an oxymoron

I got a chuckle outta that one!!!

Palomino21,

Marriage is like a job. You've got to work at it. Unfortunately, I was so very young when I got married (20) and didn't have the opportunity to enjoy life before I did. I've been divorced 28 years. If I knew then what I know now, I would've waited till I was AT LEAST 30 years of age to get married, and another 5 years to have a kid.

Live and learn.

Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. Then again, there's Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn who have been together forever (not married). To each his own!

[NoahsMommy]

Originally posted by dukedogsmom
To me, happily married is an oxymoron.

Heck yay!! ha ha

This...from me, someone going through a divorce...ha ha

No, marriage can be happy. It takes A LOT more than love, though.

[moosmom]

Kelly,

$$$$$$ doesn't hurt! I've waited all my life for Mr. Right. I'm now waiting for Mr. Filthy Stinking Rich!!!

[4 Dog Mother]

Carl and I have been married 33 years and I feel we have a happy marriage. It hasn't been all happy but I doubt there is any relationship that is perfect - mother/daughter, friends, spouses.

I think the one thing that few people realize is that marriage takes work. Each day you are changing and your spouse is changing. Also having worked marriage enounter weekends etc. we have learned there is a honeymoon stage of marriage and a disillusionment stage of marriage. Mostly because we want to believe in happily ever after. But you have things that will rub your spouse the wrong way and he will have things that will rub you the wrong way. But what really matters is the love that you share.

One of the priests who we worked with shared a song that was "Love isn't a feeling, it's an act of your will." Sometimes you don't feel like loving anymore but if you hang in there, and work on your relationship, those feelings will come back. Marriage is a commitment, one that our society today uses in the same way they use anything else. If it isn't good anymore, throw it away. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you change partners, you only change the problems you have with him for others with the new person.

Our marriage has had its share of problems. Carl lost both parents and both of his maternal grandparents while he was in the Army and we were living in Arizona in the first 18 months of our marriage. It took me a long time to realize the impact that had on our marriage.

I have had a lot of health problems especially when our children were younger. Carl was going to school and working two jobs so there was a lot of stress in our marriage during that time.

And about 3 years ago we both lost our jobs and spent a year without work. Then he took a job in Florida and we lived separately for 18 months until he was laid off again (he was fairly certain he would be which is why we didn't relocate.)

I have to say that I think going to the Marriage Encounter weekend, becoming involved at Church and realizing that we did need to work on the marriage is what saved our marriage.

PM me if you want.

[dukedogsmom]

Originally posted by moosmom
Kelly,

$$$$$$ doesn't hurt! I've waited all my life for Mr. Right. I'm now waiting for Mr. Filthy Stinking Rich!!!

Me, too, Donna! If I find him first, I'll share him with you.

[popcornbird]

I hope so. LOL! I'm not married yet, but I do know many married couples that have been married for decades and are happy with each other. I think that if you want to be close to ANYONE, you have to give and take. This doesn't only apply to husband and wife.....I think it applies to any family relationship....any friend relationship. When two people are together, you have to remember that they're two different individuals. No matter how much two people love each other, there will still be certain things they don't like about each other. I think there is more to marriage than just love. You'd need to be compatible with the person, and both partners would have to know how to forgive and forget, talk things over, because arguments/fights will happen with any person you spend a lot of time with. If both husband and wife sincerely love and care for each other, and are willing to put up with certain things about each other, I think marriage would be a nice thing. I think marriage could be the most wonderful thing if both husband and wife know how to live with each other. Heck...God made two genders for a reason, and its only natural to have 'pairs', not only in human beings but in all species, so we have to learn to live with each other and be happy. My dad always reminds me to look at the glass and consider it 'half full' rather than 'half empty'. None of us will ever get EVERYTHING we want in a person, but if we look at their qualities and put their faults aside, I think things should work out. There isn't one person on this planet who is perfect and doesn't have faults, so personally, I think we should look at it in that way. "He" might have some bad/annoying things about him, but when you look at the good side, you might see the reason you married him all over again.

And again........I'm not married yet, so all of what I wrote is how I see things NOW. God knows how I will see things when I'm married, but I do hope and pray I get a good husband that I will be happy with.

In our dream lands, we can ALL have a true happy marriage.

[Catsnclay]

You need to work at a marriage 24/7. You should first experience life and the world if you can, then settle down.

You should also marry your BEST friend. There are things other than sex that makes a marriage. Communication is one of the most important things.

Tim & I just past our 16 th year, and he is still my best friend. I tell him everything and vice versa. He is my rock. It took one bad marriage and several "slease-ball" romances to get this far, so don't give up hope!!

And whatever you do, DON'T get married because all your friends are!!!! That is what I did the first time and it didn't work for me, and come to think of it, none of my friends either! Live and learn.

Just my 2 cents here!!

[GraciesMommy]

I feel like I have a very happy marriage..we have been married 6 years (July 3rd) and I would say our marriage is better right now..this year then it has been all the other years combined..we had our ups n downs last year...and then just seemed to get passed it...and it does take work...and understanding. We are like 2 different breeds..men and women...and that is a fact..we think soooooo differently...most of us women expect men to just know what we are feeling and feel the same way..they just don't and they can't..

Just want to add...Brad is my best friend...and I can't imagine not having him in my life.

[Karen]

Happy marriage is not an oxymoron!

My parents were happily married for 43 1/2 years, until my mother died from ALS. Paul and I have been married for almost 19 years.

Do we have disagreements sometimes? Yes. Did my parents? Yes.
We are all human.

But we do still love each other, and that is what counts.

[Corinna]

Hey my daughter got married last year on the 3rd. How cool!
I agree with catsclay you have to be each others best freind. Not to make this contrveral but i just lost a very good older freind she and her life partner (yes they were lesbians) (life partner died last year) they were together for 54 years. I can't imagine the troubles they had in the first years with the attdues of the times. It was obivous as there was mention in one as her freind and in the latest the family told of the life partner of 54 years.
If they could indure that for 54 years why can't hetro marriages survive? Makes you wonder.

[chrangharris]

I've not been married to long - a little over 3 years- so I don't have a ton of experience to share. Each day we get closer and our marriage gets stronger. We work on it each day. There are mornings that I wake up, look at my wonderful husband and wonder what I was thinking. Those days I have to work extra hard at choosing to love him and act loving towards him. Funny thing is that at the end of the day, I remember all of the wonderful things about my husband.

I believe a couple can be happily married when both partners are willing to work on it- and it does take work. Some days it needs a lot more then others!!

[GraciesMommy]

Its so good to see so many postitive statements coming from this thread...I hope you all have many many many happy years together..
Brad and I are both 45..we both came from very unhappy and unhealthy marriages before we found each other..and our biggest reqret is that we didn't meet 25 years ago.