Dog Humor

**lizbud** · 09-09-2001, 11:35 AM

Under Cat General, Logan. posted a very funny list of kittie antics."A little 'cat humor'/Etiquette for Inexperienced Cats..
Other Pet Talkers posted more funny sayings
about life from a cat's point of view..
Well here's one I read just for Dogs.

Things Dogs Try To Remember
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.
I will not eat the cat's food,either before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining
pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am
about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on cow flops,dead seagulls,
fish,crabs,etc.
I will not lick my humans face after eating animal poop.
Kitty box crunchies are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold,wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not
tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens,especially the red ones, or my people will think I
am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell.I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel,Neither is Mom's
& Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver license and car
registration.

The post ended with ;Have a good day from my
dog, who has done almost all of these.
Post by Renee...

**Dog lover5678** · 09-09-2001, 12:04 PM

Thats Cute

**jackiesdaisy1935** · 09-09-2001, 01:30 PM

How true, How true, I love it.
Jackie

**Daisy's Mom** · 09-09-2001, 02:41 PM

That's adorable, and so true

Thanks for posting it!

**Rottie** · 09-09-2001, 02:42 PM

**lizbud** · 09-09-2001, 08:35 PM

Glad you liked the Dog humor!!
I think humor is what keeps us all sane.
There are so many sad things that happen to
our pets in this world. We all hug our babies a little tighter and give thanks that they are still with us, safe & loved...
It helps to laugh sometimes to keep a more
balanced view of things..
Notice: I do have more funny stuff at my
office that I intend to post later. LOL..

**aly** · 09-09-2001, 09:22 PM

Nicely put lizbud. Amen to that

Thanks for reminding us about the lighter side

**lizbud** · 09-10-2001, 11:55 AM

Dont't say I didn't warn you guys; here's
more.

Dog Rules from
"My Dog Is The World's Best Dog"
by Suzy Becker
* The dog is not allowed in the house.
* OK, the dog is allowed in the house,but only in certain rooms.
* The dog is allowed in all rooms,but must
stay off the furniture.
* The dog can only get on the old furniture.
* Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with
the humans on the bed.
* OK, The dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
* The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he
wants, but not under the covers.
* The dog can sleep under the covers by
invitation only.
* The dog can sleep under the covers every
night.
* Humans must ask permission to sleep under
the covers with the dog.

**AdoreMyDogs** · 09-10-2001, 12:19 PM

Oh my gosh....that is SO funny! Hehehehe....LOL. I loved it! Thanks

09-10-2001, 12:26 PM

Originally posted by lizbud:
<STRONG>Dont't say I didn't warn you guys; here's
more.

Dog Rules from
"My Dog Is The World's Best Dog"
by Suzy Becker
* The dog is not allowed in the house.
* OK, the dog is allowed in the house,but only in certain rooms.
* The dog is allowed in all rooms,but must
stay off the furniture.
* The dog can only get on the old furniture.
* Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with
the humans on the bed.
* OK, The dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
* The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he
wants, but not under the covers.
* The dog can sleep under the covers by
invitation only.
* The dog can sleep under the covers every
night.
* Humans must ask permission to sleep under
the covers with the dog.</STRONG>

Now that is my life!!! WOW! I have the "dogs must remember" thing printed up. I got that a while back and just loved it!! I will have to do the same for this one. That is soooooo completely true.. just ask my hubby. When we first moved into our townhome and I got to bring Lexi home from my mom's house the first thing he said was she is an outside dog. Now he begs ME to let them sleep on the bed with him until I come to bed!

**Murphys Dad** · 09-14-2001, 02:07 PM

When we brought Murphy home from the shelter 5 years ago, thats about how it went.

LOL Ahhh the memories...

**lizbud** · 02-07-2002, 05:46 PM

So,,, A Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in
a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female
Collie comes up to them and says," Whoever can say liver
and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The
Collie says, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says,
"I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative."
Finally the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone....cheese mine."

Author Unknown.