Need some Advice

[mina'smomma]

Ok so here is the synch. My wedding is in July and I've got to thinking about gifts for the bridal party and the parents. The problem is that we're getting gifts for both my Father and my Dad. Since I'm doing this I know its going to be automatically expected that I get a gift for my Father's wife. They've been together for almost twelve years, but I don't like the woman. We are getting our moms a handkerchief and something else elegant, but I don't want to get her anything at all. She has done nothing but be two faced. I'm in a real delimma because if I get the other two something really nice and her something chinsey I will never hear the end of it from her or my father, and they will just ruin the whole weekend.

Any suggestions????????

[aly]

Could you give them a joint gift? It would really be for your father, but maybe you could address it to both of them? I'm not sure if that would help or hurt the problem though

Good luck! I hope you get it worked out. I'm sure others will be able to give you better advice than me.

[Queen of Poop]

No point in starting your new life together amid controversy, you have to get her something. But it should be something that reflects the role she's played in your life. Which, from the sounds of it wasn't so special. Perhaps a vase with your names and the date of your wedding inscribed in it.

[popcornbird]

Does she HAVE TO know what your mother gets?

Personally, I think its best to give your father's wife a gift too...maybe something nice, but not as nice as what you'd give to your mom. Nice gifts have the power to mend hard feelings and heal peoples' hearts. You never know...maybe giving her a nice gift will change her attitude towards you for the good. You're entering a marriage, the happiest time of your life, and I'm sure you wouldn't want any stress or problems in the family during this time. You'd want things to be happy for everyone, for your own sake. If you don't want to give her a gift for HER, give her a gift for yourself...for your own happiness. You will be the better person because of it, and it could possibly result in changing your relationship for the best, in the end.

Good luck on whatever you decide, and best wishes for a happy, lifelong, committed marriage!

[moosmom]

Mina's Momma,

In an effort to keep the peace, I'd get her something, but nothing as nice as you give your Mom.

When I read your dilemma, it was like deja vu all over again. When I got married, my Dad was just dating what would turn out to be my stepmom. As like you, she and I did NOT get along. I had a small wedding (bride, groom, 2 attendants and parents). My Mom passed away a year prior to me getting married. I did NOT invite "Barbie", my Dad's girlfriend. What does he do??? He shows up with her anyway!!! When my wedding pictures were taken, there were at least 4 of them with Barbie and her 9 year old daughter Lynn in them. When I showed them to the rest of my family, who I was unable to invite because of expenses, I had to take those pictures out in order to not hurt MY family's feelings.

I do not wish your situation on anyone. I only hope that your special day goes smoothly without a hitch.

Oh, btw, a WONDERFUL opportunity recently occurred. While my stepmonster was alive (she died in 1995), I was never able to eliminate her from my life. She was like a bad rash! But...I put together pictures of my Dad (who passed away in 1997) for a DVD and, with a click of a button, was able to crop that 6itch right outta his life like she never existed. What a feeling!!!

[GraciesMommy]

I think popcornbird has the smartest idea...well said..
I have BEEN the wicked stepmom..with an invitation to her father (who I am now divorced from) that said WITHOUT WIFE in huge letters on the invitation..and I never did a thing to her..she just didn't like me..she even told me it was nothing personal, it was the principle..whatever that meant! I think it was mainly because I had a son and she was jealous because my then husband paid so much attention to him, treating him as his own..

Anywho...certainly not defending her actions but do think popcornbird has a good heart to say all that.

[joycenalex]

mina, give her a gift. you'll look like and be a class act honoring your fathers' wife. she may not be worth the price of a bag of cheese doodles to you, but your dad chose her, be classy and above it. my best advice. congrats on the wedding, so tell us, colors, decorations? honeymoon? (yenta time i know)

[mina'smomma]

Originally posted by GraciesMommy
I think popcornbird has the smartest idea...well said..
I have BEEN the wicked stepmom..with an invitation to her father (who I am now divorced from) that said WITHOUT WIFE in huge letters on the invitation..and I never did a thing to her..she just didn't like me..she even told me it was nothing personal, it was the principle..whatever that meant! I think it was mainly because I had a son and she was jealous because my then husband paid so much attention to him, treating him as his own..

Anywho...certainly not defending her actions but do think popcornbird has a good heart to say all that.

See there is a difference between you two dear heart. She has done a lot of things to me and she knows it. I would never say my father can't bring his wife, but I just don't know how to work the gifts. She has done nothing but brought pain into my life. She says she thinks of me as her own daughter, but yet I'm treated like a slave when I got to visit. Plus I'm sure you would be proud of your step daughter if she was the first of the children to graduate and make somehting of her life. You wouldn't keep telling her you're disappointed in her because she hasn't had children yet.

[redcat]

guess who

[joycenalex]

mina mom, it's gonna be hard, but work on emotional disconnection from this woman.her opinion of you is just that, an opinion, not fact. if/when you want skin-kids, you and your partner will have them, otherwise, do your best to ignore her. easier said then done, i know, but try to let her behavior go, you're doing what you need to for yourself at this time, ((HUGS))

[mina'smomma]

Originally posted by redcat
guess who

This one isn't one of my best friends is it???????