How many horseback riders does it take to change a light bulb?
WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS:
Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly. Oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do it.
ENDURANCE RIDER:
Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.
DRESSAGE QUEEN:
Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN:
These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever be just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
EVENTER:
Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER:
Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my butt. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN:
You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available for $179.00 on my Web site). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me--$99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an introductory video thrown in), behave as all good light bulbs should.
HUNTER RIDER:
Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.
FOX HUNTER:
As soon as we finish with the hunt breakfast, Darling, and polish off what's left in our flasks... heck we only need light at 5 AM to braid on a High Holy Day. We're used to catching our horses in the dark! OK, so after we collect all the hounds, hose our horses and ourselves down, have another glass of refreshment, I'll send someone else out to do it later, I need a nap.
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