Advice and prayer needed...

[Tonya]

As most of you know, my 7 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5. He's always had fidgety habits, but I dismissed them as hyperactivity.

Well, recently, he's picked up a new habit. He has been pulling his eyelashes out. My girlfriend has OCD and that is what she does, so I'm a little scared that this could be the start of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). It's heartbreaking to look at him and his beautiful long curly eyelashes are all gone.

The first time I noticed, I tried not to make a big deal out of it. I casually explained that eyelashes protect his eyes from dust so he needs to leave them alone. It got worse, so then I bought him a squeezy toy to squeeze whenever he feels anxious and a smooshy pillow to play with. I haven't caught him in the act, but he says he is doing it at night when he is in bed. I've tried positive reinforcement, that isn't working. His eyelashes are now completely gone and his eyes are puffy and swollen from him picking at them.

Aside from therapy and meds, what should I be doing? The dr is already gun-ho about adding another medication, but I'd like to try and resolve this without meds.

Should I remind him not to do it, or will giving it extra attention cause him to do it more? Should I lay with him until he falls asleep, or will that be rewarding this behavior? Should I put him in front of a mirror and show him how bad his eyelids look, or will that give him a complex?

I'm trying to stay calm about this, maybe it's nothing and it'll pass once everything settles with the baby and all. We're giving Jaden as much attention as we possibly can. He starts therapy on Thursday which I don't care for, but it's worth a shot. I hope seeing a therapist doesn't make him think something is wrong with him. We're in the middle of a med change because the doctor thinks it could be a side effect from the meds. I don't really see how it suddenly picked up though, he's been on his meds for a while.

Anyways, I'd appreciate some thoughts and prayers. I really could use some suggestions on how to deal with this. I want to make the right decisions for him.

[Jods]

Ouch poor guy I bet it hurts afterwards to. I don't have any advice, but I will keep him in my thoughts.

[K9karen]

Aw, poor you, Tonya. So much on your plate. Poor little Jaden. It has to be tough not being able to control his impluses. Maybe he pulls his lashes as he's lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. He may be thinking of things and subconsciencely doing it. (i say that because to this day, I have a habit of twirling my hair at a certain spot at the back of my head when I'm daydreaming or upset and have to catch myself) I doubt, and I hope I'm right, that any qualified therapist would make a child feel bad or guilty. I'm glad you're giving it a try. I know for a fact that therapy can be a big help (went to one when my dad died. ) Prayers and good luck coming your way. Hugs to Jaden

[Miss Meow]

Tonya, I don't know much about this at all so take this with a grain of salt, but I wouldn't put a mirror in front of him and show him how bad they look. That'll probably make him more self-conscious and stressed and further intensify his behaviour.

Are you happy with the therapy he's getting? Maybe another child psychologist might help. Just thinking, is this new behaviour? He might be carrying some additional stress about his little brother coming into the world and how it'll impact on his place in the family. I know you are the coolest mother on earth though so it's probably not that, but he must be concerned about something that's affecting him.

{{{hugs}}} to you both.

[catnapper]

Poor Tonya, Poor Jaden. From what I know about OCD, they KNOW they are not supposed to do a certain behavior yet they cannot stop themselves from doing it. My brother has OCD and he takes a med for it daily. He has been for years (though he wasn't diagnosed until college) Often OCD is misdiagnosed and labeled as ADHD. My first step would be to have him retested and see a therapist specializing in OCD. I have a friend who's younger brother was diagnosed with OCD at 2. I can ask her for more info for you.

[4 Dog Mother]

My friend's daughter started doing the same thing when she was a teenager. There is a name for it and you can go onto the internet to find out more about it. It is called Trichotillomania. About the same time, my friend's daughter was diagnosed with it there was an article in Good Housekeeping about it. Some kids actually will start pulling their hair out too. At the time, they wanted her to do some counseling and take some medicine. She didn't want to do either so much of the time she was without eyelashes and eyebrows. The girl is now 25 and yes, she did outgrow the compulsion to do it.

I would imagine there are new things they are doing to help those with this. I hope you find something on the internet that can help!

I found a parents page on one site - the link is here.

[Karen]

Any activity you could give him to substitute for that behavior? Knot-tying like boy scouts or sailors learn, rope-braiding, something that will keep his hands busy witha repetitive motion, but be quiet enough so he can do as he's falling to sleep. (And rope/yarn is soft enough to not hurt if ya roll over on it ...)

My Dad was neither ADHD or OCD as a kid. He was, however, an asthmatic only child, who had trouble keeping still when he should for breathing's sake. My grandmother (his mom) taught him how to chain stitch crochet, which was something you can do and rip out, do and rip out, etc., etc., all with one piece of yarn.

[Tonya]

Thank you. That site seems very helpful, 4 dogs.

[Corinna]

To stop me from bitting my nails at night my dad tied thick socks on my hads when i went to bed . He even checked at night to make sure they were on me .
I am glad to hear you are not crazy about more meds. The docs are just too fast to add meds.

[Fox-Gal]

Have you asked him how it feels when he's doing it? I only ask because the daughter of a woman I know, use to pull her hair and eye brows out. And if you where to ask the daughter why she did it, she would tell you one of two reasons. 1:, it felt good to her, even though it hurt and 2: because the hurt made her feel better, inside.

Her mother told me that in her daughters case and others that she knows of all say about same thing. It has something to do with the outer pain, makes them forget the inner pain.

Counseling and med's was the best help for her daughter, in her case. But even in your case, even if it's different, I would still give it a try. Call the therapist before you go and ask his advice on how to handle making your son feel ok with the therapy, so he doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him, as your worried it might.

Also, I know you said you said something about staying with him till he falls asleep. But you where thinking you might be rewarding his behavior. What about a baby cams? Being that your not with him, he will be more likely to behave normally. This way you can see when it happens, without really being there and if he's doing it before he falls asleep, or at the stage right before sleep or even in his sleep.
This should give you a better clue on when it happens and you can make a better judgment on where to go from there. Also that can give you more info/insite for the Dr's.

I pray it all works out for you and your son.

[Tonya]

He can't explain why he does it. I asked him what he thinks about when he's falling asleep. He said that he thinks about playing with his little brother and toys and then his mind goes empty and he falls asleep. So, if he is thinking of something stressful while he's falling asleep, he isn't telling me.

We had a heart to heart (at least I think so) today and he doesn't seem worried or concerned about the baby at all. Or worried about anything really. But he is anxious for the baby to come. He is so excited that he can hardly stand it. So although the anxiousness is in a positive way, maybe that's what is causing it.

When I'd talked to the therapist the other day, he told me not to say anything. To keep low key and observe for now. He said it isn't going to kill him so we need to be patient and see what's causing it. He said for all we know, it may only last a week and then he's done with it. It's hard for me to sit back and do nothing though.

On the other hand, first words out of the psych's mouth was "Let me prescribe him so Prozac, he's stressed." I got mad. I'm not putting my kid on Prozac at the first sign of stress. I hate how society thinks you can solve everything by popping a pill.