Worried about my sister...

[CathyBogart]

Last night, my sixteen year old sister did the STUPIDEST thing.

Her and a friend both lied to their parents, claiming to be at each others' houses for the night. They went to Merced (three hours away) and met up with some guy they met over the internet. She called and told my brother so that SOMEONE would know where they were if something happened. He told me because he was worried about her.

One one hand: My first instinct is to call my mother and squeal like a stuck pig. This is far stupider than anything I have ever done, and I've done some dumb stuff. She JUST got her license about a month ago, she JUST got a car this week (it's only for her use if she behaves and keeps her grades up) and she is always being a complete snob about how much our parents like her better than me. (Because to their knowledge she has never snuck out or done anything stupid like I used to.)

On the other hand: I don't want her to NOT tell someone next time. Obviously she would be grounded for a long time and have her car taken away, but that just leads to more deception IMO...she would find other ways around it if she really wanted to. My plan B was to call her and tell her that she had BETTER let me know where she is going if she does anything like that again, and keep me posted throughout the night, else I will come and retrieve her and then tell my parents.

I'm so torn....I'm not just going to let this lie, something has to be done. But what?

The really stupid thing is....she NEVER did anything like this until she joined a church near our neighborhood. The friends she has made there are....well, some of them have a lot more independence than she does and they encourage her to do the same things they do. One boy from that chruch in particular makes me VERY uncomfortable...I know she has made out with him, and when she disappeared from the house one night last week him and her were in his car with another guy parked outside of our house.

*Sigh* Please help....any advice would be appreciated a lot.

[CalliesMom]

You're in a difficult situation as I don't have a younger sibling, my advice may not be the greatest. If I were you, I would tell your parents...it appears she is making decisions that could be potentially harmful if not deadly to herself (meeting someone off the internet doesn't sound real bright for a 16 year old). Your parents need to be aware of the fact that she is being deceptive..ignorance in this case is not bliss.

As for telling them and her doing things leading to more deception, she is making those decisions and will eventually have to live with the consequences. Your parents have the right to know so that they can make every attempt to persuade her against those things, but in the end she will do it whether or not they know.

[joycenalex]

...is she home yet?

[robinh]

My two cents worth. I have three older sisters. When I was 16 I did some really stupid things. Two of my sisters went and told my mom. I was so angry then.

Now that I'm older, I know they were right! I was sooooo stupid. Things could have turned out so bad and they didn't.

I agree Calliesmom you have to tell your parents. It is their job to protect and guide your sister so that she learns to make intelligent decisions. This was not one of them.

[Tonya]

OMG, Merced is so far away. It reminds me of a time before computers, we met some guys on the phone chat from Merced. A friend of mine and I pulled the exact same stunt except Merced is only 45 minutes from here. They were in their early 20's and we were 16 at the time. Back then, we thought older boys were so cool. Well the guys turned out to be major scary jerks so we left. We had no where to go since both our parents thought we were at the other's houses. So, we stopped at some rest stop half way between and fell asleep. I woke up at like 5am because I felt like someone was staring at me. It was all foggy and this homeless guy was standing at the hood of our car watching us sleep. It scared the piss out of us. We put the car in reverse and high tailed it out of there. I'd totally forgotten about that until you'd mentioned Merced.

Anyways, that is a hard decision. My brother Danny put me through a living hell when he was in high school. He was so bad and I was always scared for him.

At one point, he was missing for months. I was the one that he finally called to pick him up. He'd been living in a tree house in an orchard in Tracy for two months. He stunk so freaking bad like he hadn't showered. He didn't want me to tell our mom I'd seen him. It was hard to do, but I picked him up, and dropped him off at a friend's house. He lived there for another month or so before he decided to come home.

I am glad that I didn't break his trust. It was a rebellious stage for him, and I was the only person he trusted. He would have just alienated me too if I'd not been so open and forgiving. I would just always have talks with him, share my own experiences. He always knew he had a place to sleep, a ride, or any other kind of help he needed. I'd refuse to give him money, but I'd give him food.

For the record, Danny is now married with his first baby, a few dogs, many cats, fish, snakes, iguanas, and some beautiful rats. He is doing so well. I look at him and just thank God...I am sooooo glad that he turned out ok.

[ramanth]

Being the eldest sibling, I would tell your parents. Later in life, your sister will thank you.