Is she stupid????

[catnapper]

My daughter HAS to be. I don't know what on earth is going through her mind, but she tried to slip out again last night. Only this time she waited til 1:30 to try her stunt.

Once again, hubby was snoring away and I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep. I heard footsteps in the hallway(old house, creeky floors) I whispered to snoring hubby that I heard someone up, and he got cranky because I woke him up, but he went and checked, said that nobody was up. Still I know what I heard and laid in bed for another 10-15 minutes trying to listen over hubby's snores (amazing how somone can awaken and go straight back to snoring in zero seconds flat ) and I heard footsteps again. I figured it wasn't coincidental, so I woke hubby again. He told me to go investigate.

After the other night I was more brazen about checking my daughter's room. Ah, she learned from the last time and made a body form under her blankets with pillows! I ran to tell hubby I was right and that she was gone, so he started to get up as I flicked on lights to run downstairs and start calling the world again to find her. Just then she comes out ofthe kitchen looking all innocent with a bottle of water. "I was just getting something to DRINK" and made a meow noise, saying I was being a catty *itch. I probably caught her just as she was about to break free through the back door.

I went back into the room, asked hubby if he bought the water story, and he said he didn't. Then he told me to stop waking him up... and he fell back asleep!!!! OMG! Am I living in some alternate universe? Our daughter just tried to slip out of the house at 1:30 in the morning on a school night - for who kows what reason - and he wants to just pretend it didn't happen and go back to bed?!?!?!

I swear I am going to lose my mind over this girl, and with hubby's reaction, well, I don't know what to make of that. He'll probably wait til she gets home from school tonight to grill her about it. Personally, I like to grill right at the mnoment they are busted.

Quick, somebody give me a time machine to speed past the teen years to where she is all grown up and has teens of her own!

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

How old is your daughter?
I'm so sorry for both of you. I hope you can talk some sense into her head!! Why the heck is she doing this? Isn't she allowed to go out often during the day?
Success...!

[ramanth]

I'm sorry she's stressing you out.

I was never that brazen as a teen. I had a respectable fear of my parents and what would happen if I got caught.

[catnapper]

My daughter is 16, will be 17 in March. I have no idea what she is thinking!

I am beyond frustrated and moving into mad at this point! I wasn't mad at her the other night, just disappointed. Today I am mad because we lectured her on the evils that could find her at night.

[Logan]

One of my friends is having a similar problem with her 13 years old daughter, similar in that she is "testing" the limits in a huge way (she has not attempted to sneak out of the house....yet).

Sometimes, I think that some 3rd party intervention may be the best solution. I was thinking that perhaps a family counselor or even a minister could hold a frank discussion with all 3 of you, together, and moderate, and help you and your husband with a way to handle the situation. I know that one thing my friend told me is that the counselor reminded her to NOT react in an argumentative way because it was going to push her daughter further away from her. He said if she had to lock herself in the bathroom for two hours, to do it, rather than starting a screaming match with an already upset daughter, and that they shouldn't try to talk with her until everyone was calm. I think you have to get to the bottom of the "why is she doing this" question before you can start the healing. And you and your husband need to be on the same page, for sure.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[catnapper]

Sigh... I've been saying for years that she needs a counselor. She has many many problems stemming from her mother abandoning her at 3 1/2 years old. Hubby is dead-set against a counselor because he feels they are uselss (I know I know! He's stupid at times too!) I really thinkshe needs to talk to someone and get these feelings out of her.

I swear she's a good kid, so this is making it even harder to remember that. But right now, all our trust of her is out the window.

[lizzielou742]

I'm sorry I'd be mad at the hubby's reaction too. Was he fully awake when he was talking to you? My boyfriend will sometimes talk to me when he's half-awake and then doesn't remember it the next day. Sounds like you might want to sit down with him and tell him why you're upset, and explain to him that you both have to be a united front against your daughter's behavior.

As for the kid, sounds like she maybe just doesn't care if she gets caught and punished, or if something happens to her out on the streets. Could she be depressed/lonely/angry? Why is she acting out - for attention/love/to let out her anger? I agree that a counselor might be a good idea. I went with my family a few times in my teenage years. It really did help. Hopefully hubby might agree to family counseling all together. Maybe don't call it "family couseling," call it something else. Sometimes there is a stigma associated with going to see a "counselor"- you know?

My parents had to make a last-ditch effort with my brother when he was being a wild teenager - they literally took away his bedroom door. They said, "If you can't be honest with us, then we can't trust you. You don't deserve a door. You don't deserve privacy. We paid for this house, and everything in it, therefore, we decide who gets a door and who doesn't." So everything he did in there, my parents knew it. He couldn't do hardly anything without everyone in the house knowing about it. It really upset him, but at the same time it let him know my parents were serious and he had to prove he was trustworthy to get his door back (took about a year). I don't know how much that would really help in your situation though. But just thinking outside the box sometimes helps.

Also - how is she getting out of the house? Could you install motion detecting floodlights on your driveway or something? Honestly, my parents did that too. The switch was in their bedroom (they have a lock and key on their bedroom door, it's locked whenever they're not in it). I guess she could just avoid the driveway...I'm just thinking of things my parents always did to bust me. My parents are very, um, non-conventional anyway though.

[micki76]

I was one of those kids who escaped during the night. I can tell you that my friends and I were usually up to no good - drinking, drugs, and boys. Those were the ONLY 3 things we ever went out for in the middle of the night. If you can, stop it now at all costs. My mom put a stop to mine pretty quickly, thank God. Most of my friends kept doing it until one friend was abducted and gang raped.

[mina'smomma]

Boy if I ever tried that stuff when I was her age I would of been in big trouble. Plus I would of been picking my teeth from the back of my head because if my brother's ever heard me call my mom a catty *itch they would of belted me.

Lucky for my mom her only problem problem was my older brother. My oldest brother and I never really got the nerve up to disobey our mother until we moved out!!!!! Even now we still respect her opinion and just say we don't agree with her way of thinking.

[caseysmom]

You could install an alarm with a code just for you. I have a teen and on weekends when friends spend the night I have thought I need to get my own code for the alarm.

[sirrahbed]

oh Kim!!! I sure do feel frustrated and with you. That "meow" response probably would have set me off

Does your area have a curfew? If so, what I would do is call the police and just have her arrested if she gets out again. It probably sounds harsh - but it could spare her from something much, much worse. It scares me to think what could happen to her. My middle son was arrested once and it scared the sanity back into him. I am glad it happened.

[NoahsMommy]

Kim,

How frustrating and worrisome for you.

I have two ideas. First, what about taking her out to lunch, coffee, whatever. Just the two of you. From her issues with abandoment, she most likely needs reassurance that no matter what, you love her and wont be leaving. Tell her you have certain expectations of those in your family and explain (again) why its stupid to do what she's doing. Tell her that if its done again, you'll not only be extreemly disappointed in her, afterall, you thought she respected you and your home. If she's sneaking out to do something she isn't allowed to do, discuss it. Maybe there can be some sort of compromise?

If that doesn't work. I too, was thinking of the alarm thing. I know its expensive, so that's kind of a draw back. But at least she'd have a really hard time sneaking out again.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Being a parent must be so hard. Moreso when your hubby just wants to go to sleep after something like that.

Take care

[lynnestankard]

One thing bothers me Kim

Why did she make a body form in the bed if she was only going downstairs for a drink?! You have to let her know you didn't fall down in the last shower of rain!!

This is one young lady who's kicking the traces - you may be on the right track with counselling Kim - why is hubby so against it?
Proper counselling can work wonders.

The 'catty *itch' remark - hurt me and I only read it. Maybe Hubby will cope better tonight when he gets home from work.
(I must say that when Don is wakened in the middle of the night he simply doesn't function - when I woke him once 'cos I heard something - he crept downstairs - nekked and clutching one of my Eeyores!! Came back to bed - said 'Ruddy cats' and was back alseep and snoring in 10 seconds - it's obvioujsly a man thing!!! When I told him about it the next day - he said I was dreaming!!)

Lynne

[heinz57_79]

Beat her! hehe Twice... Once for sneaking out, once for getting caught! Seriously tho, I think the only thing to do is tie her to a chair and make her watch infomercials til she has to go to school. I can understand how frustrated you must be, especially with the hubby just kind of shrugging it off. Of course, there is the "i told you so" idea... Let her sneak out. Wait til she actually leaves, then wake the hubby up, and have him actually see that she's not home, then... fall asleep in her bed, so when she sneaks BACK in.... surprise! Then strap her to her bed and ground her til she's 25. I hope you manage to figure out a way to get her to stop.

[Corinna]

You may not like this idea but neighbor had to do it with her grandson( don't ask why she had him LOOONNNGGG story)
He could have freinds over only for a couple hors, and if he needed any thing she went with him . Drove him to school , (mostly embarassed him ) It was hard on her but it got him through a tough spot. Later on when he moved out he got in to trouble but by then he wasn't her responsiblity.
She informed him that when she felt she could trust him shed back off slowly and he could then have a little more freedom and Resposablity.